"(Let's Have) A Patrick Swayze Christmas" is a Christmas carol written by Crow T. Robot, first performed during Experiment #321 by Tom Servo, Crow and Joel Robinson.


[On The Satellite of Love]

Crow T. Robot: Okay, now if you all look at your sheet music, we can rehearse my new song.
Joel Robinson: You wrote a Christmas song?
Crow T. Robot: Hey, there's no tradition like a new tradition!
Tom Servo: Wait a minute, "(Let's Have) A Patrick Swayze Christmas"?
Crow T. Robot: Uh, yeah, yeah. Based on my favorite movie, Road House.
Tom Servo: C'mon, what the heck does Patrick Swayze have to do with Christmas?
Crow T. Robot: Hey, you keep Christmas in your way and let me keep it in mine, okay?
Joel RObinson: C'mon, Servo. It seems like a nice enough sentiment. We can give it a shot. C'mon.
Crow T. Robot: All right, all right. Okay: 12/8 time, key of A-flat major... Cambot, shoot 'em the tune. Okay, you'll just have to stay with me, everybody, okay? You're parts are written out. "(Let's Have) A Patrick Swayze Christmas" by Crow T. Robot.
Joel Robinson: "Paul, let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas"?
Crow T. Robot: Right. Hit it, Cambot!

[music starts]

Tom Servo: Oh. Oh, I start. I get it.


Open up your heart and let the
Patrick Swayze Christmas in

We'll gather at the Road House
With our next of kin

And Santa can be
Our regular Saturday Night thing

We'll decorate a barstool
And gather 'round and sing

Let's have a Patrick Swayze
Christmas this year!

Or we'll tear your throat out
And kick you in the ear

Joel Robinson: Hold it, hold it a sec. Cambot, stop it.

[music stops]

Joel Robinson: Uh, Crow, I don't know if I think this is an appropriate sentiment anymore for Christmas.
Crow T. Robot: Hey, what? Like a good action sequence don't belong at Christmas?
Joel Robinson: Well, no, it's just that I've never heard of an action sequence in a Christmas carol before.
Crow T. Robot: Well, then grab hold of your socks and read on, Joel Robinson!
Tom Servo: Okay, pick it up from measure 20, Cambot.

[music resumes]

Tom Servo: Lovely intro, though. Very tasteful.
Crow T. Robot: Thank you.

It's my way or the highway
This Christmas at my bar

I'll have to smash your kneecaps if
You bastards touch my car

I got the word that Santa has been
Stealing from the till

I think that that right jolly old elf
Better make out his will
Let's have a Patrick Swayze
Christmas one and all

And this can be the haziest...
This can be the laziest...
This can be the Swayziest
Christmas of them all!

La la la la la la
Ha ha!

Crow T. Robot: How long before it becomes a standard?
Joel Robinson: I think you've gotta come with me. C'mon!

[Joel drags Crow out]

Tom Servo: We'll be right back. Save a leg for me! Heh-heh-heh-heh.


Series "MST3K Love Theme" • "Mighty Science Theater"
Season K "O Tannenbot" • "Theme to Fugitive Alien" • "Has-Been Actors" • Joel's military cadence
Season 1 "Beverly Hillbillies Parody" • "Clay & Lar's Flesh Barn" • "Commando Cody Song" • "I'm a Hu-Man"
Season 2 "Sidehackin'" • "Only Love Pads the Film" • "My Creepy Girl" • "Wild Rebels Cereal" • "If Chauffeurs Ruled the World" • "Joey the Lemur" • "The Jet Jaguar Song" • "Godzilla Genealogy Bop"
Season 3 "Tibby, Oh Tibby" • "Idiot Control" • "Music from Some Guys in Space" • "A Clown in the Sky" • "Hike Your Pants Up" • "Celebrity Siblings" • "The Gamera Song" • "Annoying Cornjob Song" • "Slow the Plot Down" • "The Plate Spinning Song" • "The Waffle Song" • "Fugitive Alien Medley" • "Sandy Frank Song" • "(Let's Have) A Patrick Swayze Christmas" • "Master Ninja Theme Song"
Season 4 "City Rap" • "Oh, Kim Cattrall" • "A Danger to Myself and Others" • "Killer Shrew" • "Tribute to Pants" • "Satellite of Love Marching Song" • "Ode on Estelle" • "Gypsy Moons" • "Hired!" • "The Many Tunes of Gamera" • "Gypsy Rose Me" • "Happy Thoughts"
Season 5 "What a Pleasant Journey" • "The Janitor Song" • "My Wild Irish Ireland" • "Tubular Boobular Joy" • "Whispering Christmas Warrior" • "Merry Christmas...If That's Okay" • "Mystos" • "Girl in Lovers Lane Theme" • "The Greatest Frank of All"
Season 6 "Cosmic Freight Train" • "Livin' in Deep 13" • "Tom Servo's Theme Song" • "Crow T. Robot's Theme Song" • "Mike Nelson's Theme Song" • "United Servo Academy Men's Chorus Hymn" • "The Poopy Suit Anthem" • "Supercalafragalisticexpiala-wacky!" • "Bouncy Upbeat Song" • "Nummy Muffin Coocol Butter" • "Who Will I Kill?"
Season 7 "Phones"
Season 8 "The Gods Jam" • "The Funky Seventies" • "Sodium!" • "Loving Lovers Love" • "Satellite Hootenanny" • "Digger Smolkin Medley" • "When I Held Your Brain in My Arms"
Season 9 "Rowsdower Saves Us" • "Air on a Delta Knight" • "The Canada Song" • "Hobgoblins" • "Where, Oh Werewolf" • "Stay!" • " Puma Man"
Season 10 "Oh, I Am Sad" • "Bobo Creek" • "The Ballad of Goosio" • "To Earth"
Season 11 "Every Country Has a Monster" • "Our Love Is on Wings (You Can't See)" • "UFO" • "The Great Space Circus" • "Aloha" • "Moon 14 Mesozoic Ranch Dinosaur BBQ Theme" • "The Magic in You" • "Push Past the Hurting (When a Movie Hurts Too Much)
Season 12 "Get in Your Mech" • "Trippy Blob" • "Concepts!" • "Below the Dam" • "There's a Cut on My Hand and a Pain in My Heart" • "Your Horrible Show (Your Show Stinks)"
Season 13 "Perico"
Additional "Satellite of Love" • "1997 Summer Blockbuster Review Theme" • "1998 Academy of Robots Choice Awards Special" • "1998 Summer Blockbuster Review Theme" • "#BringBackMST3K Theme" • "#WeBroughtBackMST3K Theme" • "Satellite of Love" • "Teen Reporter, Tom Servo"
Collections Clowns in the SkyClowns in the Sky IIClowns in the Sky I & IIMystery Science Theater 3000: The Return (Music from the Netflix Original Series)Songs in the Key of MSTThe New Themes of MST3KThe Complete Clowns in the Sky