A Patrick Swayze Christmas is a Christmas carol written by Crow T. Robot, first performed in a host segment in the episode Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.
Inspired by his favorite film, the 1989 classic Road House, Crow decides that "there's no tradition like a new tradition" and writes this carol that he hopes will soon become a holiday classic. The song is written in 12/8 time in the key of A flat major.
Joel and Tom are initially uneasy about performing the song, and are further put off by the presence of an action sequence in the middle of the song. However, Crow invites them to sing on and they finish the carol. Tom complements the "tasteful introduction", but Joel is less than thrilled.