Hired! is a song from the episode, Bride of the Monster.


Bots: (in a whisper) He's hired. He's hired. He's hired. He's hired.

Joel: I'm hired.

Bots: He’s hired.

Joel: I hope I don't get fired.

Bots: He's hired.

Joel: In forty years I'll be retired. But for now, I'm simply hired.

Bots: He's hired. He's hired. He's hired. He's hired.

Joel: I got a job today.

Bots: He's hired.

Joel: I'm selling Chevrolets.

Bots: He's hired.

Joel: I'm bringing home good pay.

Bots: He's hired.

Joel: I just got hired.

Bots: He's hired. He's hired. He's hired. He's hired. He got a job today.

Joel: Yeah, me!

Bots: He's selling Chevrolets.

Joel: We're gonna get awnings.

Bots: He's bringing home good pay.

Joel: Maybe even dessert. (at same time with bots next line) I just got hired.

Bots: He just got hired.


(music changes)

Joel: I was wondering if you'd like to see my--

Gypsy: No!

Joel: But I really think you should see my--

Tom: No!

Joel: It's got a lovely--

Gypsy: No!

Joel: And if only you would--

Crow: No!

Bots: Can't you see we're trying to tell you no!

(music changes)

Tom: (spoken) Ahh.

(singing) Zeros, zeros.

None of my salesmen has ever sold a car.

Sometimes I think I might be pushing them too far.

I think I'll hit the bar

And try to get my mind off zeros.

Gypsy: Zeros.

Tom: Zeros.

Gypsy: Zeros.

Tom: All of my salesmen are zeros.

(music changes)

Crow: Good evening, sonny.

Tom: Hi, Dad.

Crow: You look depressed.

Tom: I am.

Gypsy: Come on and have some lemonade.

Tom: Thanks, Mom, but that won't help.

Crow: Just get it off your chest.

Tom: Okay. I suck at my job.

Crow: No, you don't.

Tom: Yes, I do.

Gypsy: Oh, my.

Tom: My salesmen are slobs.

Crow: No, they aren't.

Tom: Yes, they do.

Crow and Gypsy: Huh?

Tom: I'd like to make a sale, but what can I do? I'm gonna be a failure just like you, Dad.

Crow: Like me?

Tom: That's right, I'll be a failure just like you!

Crow: (spoken) Why, you, son of a ragalfragen...

Joel: (spoken) Extry, extry, read all about it! Pearl Harbor bombed! Roosevelt declares war!

Tom: (spoken) Well, that's it!

Crow: What's it?

Tom: Uncle Sam's gonna need cars. Why, selling Chevrolets is gonna help the war effort.

Don't ya see, Dad? Come on


All: (singing) See the U.S.A. in your Chev--

Joel: (spoken) Stop! We got Commercial Sign.

Tom: (spoken) For crying out loud!

Crow: (spoken) What's the point?

Joel: Commercial Sign.

Series "MST3K Love Theme" • "Mighty Science Theater"
Season K "O Tannenbot" • "Theme to Fugitive Alien" • "Has-Been Actors" • Joel's military cadence
Season 1 "Beverly Hillbillies Parody" • "Clay & Lar's Flesh Barn" • "Commando Cody Song" • "I'm a Hu-Man"
Season 2 "Sidehackin'" • "Only Love Pads the Film" • "My Creepy Girl" • "Wild Rebels Cereal" • "If Chauffeurs Ruled the World" • "Joey the Lemur" • "The Jet Jaguar Song" • "Godzilla Genealogy Bop"
Season 3 "Tibby, Oh Tibby" • "Idiot Control" • "Music from Some Guys in Space" • "A Clown in the Sky" • "Hike Your Pants Up" • "Celebrity Siblings" • "The Gamera Song" • "Annoying Cornjob Song" • "Slow the Plot Down" • "The Plate Spinning Song" • "The Waffle Song" • "Fugitive Alien Medley" • "Sandy Frank Song" • "(Let's Have) A Patrick Swayze Christmas" • "Master Ninja Theme Song"
Season 4 "City Rap" • "Oh, Kim Cattrall" • "A Danger to Myself and Others" • "Killer Shrew" • "Tribute to Pants" • "Satellite of Love Marching Song" • "Ode on Estelle" • "Gypsy Moons" • "Hired!" • "The Many Tunes of Gamera" • "Gypsy Rose Me" • "Happy Thoughts"
Season 5 "What a Pleasant Journey" • "The Janitor Song" • "My Wild Irish Ireland" • "Tubular Boobular Joy" • "Whispering Christmas Warrior" • "Merry Christmas...If That's Okay" • "Mystos" • "Girl in Lovers Lane Theme" • "The Greatest Frank of All"
Season 6 "Cosmic Freight Train" • "Livin' in Deep 13" • "United Servo Academy Men's Chorus Hymn" • "The Poopy Suit Anthem" • "Supercalafragalisticexpiala-wacky!" • "Bouncy Upbeat Song" • "Nummy Muffin Coocol Butter" • "Who Will I Kill?"
Season 7 "Phones"
Season 8 "The Gods Jam" • "The Funky Seventies" • "Sodium!" • "Loving Lovers Love" • "Satellite Hootenanny" • "Digger Smolkin Medley" • "When I Held Your Brain in My Arms"
Season 9 "Rowsdower Saves Us" • "Air on a Delta Knight" • "The Canada Song" • "Hobgoblins" • "Where, Oh Werewolf" • "Stay!" • " Puma Man"
Season 10 "Oh, I Am Sad" • "Bobo Creek" • "The Ballad of Goosio" • "To Earth"
Season 11 "Every Country Has a Monster" • "Our Love Is on Wings (You Can't See)" • "UFO" • "The Great Space Circus" • "Aloha" • "Moon 14 Mesozoic Ranch Dinosaur BBQ Theme" • "The Magic in You" • "Push Past the Hurting (When a Movie Hurts Too Much)
Season 12 "Get in Your Mech" • "Trippy Blob" • "Concepts!" • "Below the Dam" • "There's a Cut on My Hand and a Pain in My Heart" • "Your Horrible Show (Your Show Stinks)"
Season 13 "Perico"
Additional "1997 Summer Blockbuster Review Theme" • "1998 Academy of Robots Choice Awards Special" • "1998 Summer Blockbuster Review Theme" • "#BringBackMST3K Theme" • "#WeBroughtBackMST3K Theme" • "Satellite of Love" • "Teen Reporter, Tom Servo"
Collections Clowns in the SkyClowns in the Sky IIClowns in the Sky I & IIMystery Science Theater 3000: The Return (Music from the Netflix Original Series)Songs in the Key of MSTThe New Themes of MST3KThe Complete Clowns in the Sky