"Hobgoblins" is a song performed by Mike Nelson, Crow T. Robot and Tom Servo during Experiment #907, as part of a failed escape plan.
Set-up[]
[On the Satellite of Love]
[Cardboard cutouts of Mike, Crow and Tom are seen, while recordings of their voices are heard]
Mike Nelson: Boy that sure is a bad movie, wont you?
Tom Servo: It sure is, you know.
Crow T. Robot: Say, fellas, here's a little song about that movie Hobgoblins.
Mike Nelson: Are you kidding me?
Tom Servo: Then, let's go.
Lyrics[]
ALL
Hobgoblins
Hobgoblins
What do you do with those Hobgoblins?
They're over here
They're over there
Those darn Hobgoblins are everywhere
Woo! Yay!
[At Castle Forrester]
[Pearl Forrester is watching]
Pearl Forrester: Pinky! Brain! Take a look at this.
[Pearl is joined by Professor Bobo and Brain Guy.]
Pearl Forrester: Something is different.
[Back on the Satellite of Love]
ALL
As we sing the Hobgoblin song!
Today!
[At Castle Forrester]
Pearl Forrester: I don't know. Sort of flat and lifeless.
Brain Guy: They're cardboard cutouts.
Pearl Forrester: Exactly! Like they're cardboard cutouts.
Professor Bobo: I don't know. I think they're rockin' today.
Brain Guy: No, no. I mean they actually are cardboard cutouts.
Pearl Forrester: They're not that bad.
Professor Bobo: You kiddin'? They're on fire.
Brain Guy: Listen, you idiots! And Pearl, you, of course, too. It's a fake Mike and fake robots made of cardboard. Look.
[Back on the Satellite of Love]
Mike Nelson: Look out, here comes one now.
Crow T. Robot: Watch out now you little doo-dad.
Tom Servo: Something's sure going to happen.
[The cutout of Mike falls down.]
Mike Nelson: Well I guess we all learned a big lesson about Hobgoblins today
[The real Mike and the Bots, in mid-escape, try to fix the cutout.]
Mike Nelson: Stupid thing. If we could... [spots Pearl watching]
ALL
Hobgoblins
Hobgoblins
What do you do with...
Tom Servo: Run!
"Funky Hobgoblins"[]
In 2021, The Rifftones released an extended version of the song, entitled "Funky Hobgoblins", as part of that year's Kickstarter Campaign.
Lyrics[]
Okay, folks, that's our show.
It's time to get up out of your seat
And maybe, if you want, you can move your feet
While this fat, white man pretends to be groovy
And sing a little song about this cheesy movie
Kick it down.
In the middle of the night
In an abandoned studio
Two pasty guys are standin' guard
Why I do not know
But I bet you a buck or two
It's gonna have something to do
With those Hobgoblins
Yeah, nothing but a bunch of stupid, rubber puppets.
The younger dumbass guard steps into
A rock & roll fantasy
He plummets off the stage three feet
And dies instantly
We can only guess
That this bloody mess
Is courtesy of those Hobgoblins
Kind of like Gremlins, if they'd been designed by the Kremlin.
Well, then the older dumbass guard
He mourns a tragic loss
By hidin' his partner's bloody corpse
And lyin' to his boss
He hides a terrible secret
About homicidal aliens
And guess who finally shows their faces
Thirty minutes in?
Let's sing the Hobgoblin song, people!
Hobgoblins
Hobgoblins
What can you do with those Hobgoblins?
They're over here
They're over there
Those darn Hobgoblins are everywhere
Oh, and get this, the hero's name is Kevin. (What?) Look, it wasn't my decision. Now, don't distract me. I'm in the middle of a song.
Well, now, Kevin's on the scene
And, boy, he's a real wiener. I mean
He gets beat with a rake
By the fake Rambo (more like hambo)
And all his friends are dicks. I mean
Who picks these people, a temp agency?
'Cause Kevin's too busy fighting
Those Hobgoblins
Oh, yeah, I almost forgot
They're in the film, but not a whole lot
Well, they all head off to Club Scum
Which kind of looks like Satan's junior prom
When suddenly a bomb goes off
Wouldn't you know
It's fake Rambo
He's throwing grenades in his camo shirt
But somehow nobody gets hurt
Except fake Rambo
Who's now all aglow
'Cause he's covered in flames from head to toe
But somehow he survives
In fact, everyone's alive
And it's time for the obligatory showdown thing (showdown thing)
Before the movie calls it quits
The Hobgoblins are all blown to bits
The van's a rockin'
We're all done schlockin'
And now it's time to sing
C'mon clap your hands and sing with me
Hobgoblins
Hobgoblins
What can you do with those Hobgoblins?
They're over here
They're over there
Those darn Hobgoblins are everywhere
You see, nothing but a bunch of stupid, rubber puppets.
Stupid, rubber puppets
That's right.
Hobgoblins
You got it.
Stupid, rubber puppets
You can say that again.
Hobgoblins
Stupid, rubber puppets
Good night, everyone.
Hobgoblins
Stupid, rubber puppets
Credits[]
- Sung by Michael J. Nelson, Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett
- "Funky Hobgoblins" written and sung by Kevin Murphy
Notes[]
- This song apparently inspired the theme song to the sequel, Hobgoblins 2.