MST3K
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But you must come down, put your feet on the ground, by and by.
You're living a lie.
You gotta come down.
You dance like a clown.
By and by.
I hope that you die!
  — Tom Servo "singing" with Critter


The Movie

Main article: Girl in Gold Boots (film)

Synopsis

A young woman leaves her unpleasant home life and goes to Los Angeles with a new boyfriend and a charming drifter. She is hired as a dancer in a nightclub but the trio soon find themselves embroiled in the world of illicit narcotics and organized crime.

The Episode

Host Segments

"I don't usually even wear clothes, Mike!"

Mike keeps singing a song despite Crows interruptions

  • Prologue: Crow wears a "WWBSMD" bracelet -- 'What Would Buffy St. Marie Do?" His answer to a hypothetical moral dilemma: Write a folk song. Down in Castle Forrester, Pearl announces that she's about to become a fully-accredited mad scientist.
  • Segment 1: Pearl tries to act like a mad scientist, as a mad scientist inspector is visiting. She shocks Bobo, gives Brain Guy a latex hump, and talks Mike and the 'Bots into overreacting to the movie. When she starts hitting Brain Guy, the inspector nods approvingly.
  • Segment 2: Crow dresses as Buz, Servo as Michele; Crow tries to exact revenge (for what? Who knows?) on Mike by making Mike pour beer on his most prized possessions, as in the movie. Those turn out to be Mike's beer stein and then Crow himself.
  • Pearl gets audited by the Institute of Mad Scientists

    Segment 3: Crow's legs are all that are visible as he dances provocatively, wearing gold boots, apparently sporting a tiny bikini. Mike's outraged; the 'Bots accuse him of being uncomfortable acknowledging Crow as a sexual creature.
  • Segment 4: Mimicking the film, Mike sings a folk song in front of a window as it rains. Crow keeps appearing, warning Mike about an increasingly dangerous fire caused by the water in Mike's song. Mike's oblivious and sings; Crow and Servo finally extinguish the fire. They only get Mike to react to them when they mention nachos.
  • Segment 5: Everybody on the SOL dresses like Leo; they're embarrassed. In the castle, the inspector concludes that Pearl's experiment is a failure -- until he sees Brain Guy dancing in a skimpy outfit. He accredits Pearl as a mad scientist, "conditionally".
  • Stinger: "Oh God, I wish I had that pretty mind back!"

MST3K cast

Regular cast

Guest cast

Trivia

  • Reportedly this is Michael J. Nelson's favorite episode.
  • This was the first episode of the Sci-Fi Channel era in which the film did not fit into the established sci-fi/horror genres. It was followed by two other similar episodes during Season 10 (Experiment #1008 and #1009).
  • This episode introduced the sub-plot of Pearl seeking the approval of the Mad Scientist community. This was reportedly included at the request of the Sci-Fi Channel, who believed that on-going plotlines would increase viewership.
  • A scene from the movie in which characters smoke marijuana was censored for broadcast on the Sci-Fi Channel. The visuals were replaced with shots of a bongo player, but the audio, including jokes about marijuana, was not replaced. All home video releases of this episode are uncensored.
  • Crow's various "W"s include the "Worldwide Wrestling Federation" (now the WWE), 28th US President Woodrow Wilson, wet willy (actually the name of a prank), singer-songwriter Wesley Willis, Wade Wilson (most likely the NFL player and not the real identity of Marvel Comics' Deadpool), film director William Wyler, playwright Wendy Wasserstein, poet Walt Whitman, "Willy Wonker" (most likely a mispronunciation of Willy Wonka, one of the characters of Roald Dahl's 1964 novel Charlie and the Chocolate Factory), and German filmmaker Wim Wenders.

Callbacks

Obscure References

  • "What would Buffy St. Marie do?"
Buffy Sainte-Marie is a Cree folk singer.
  • "Heeey little biiird... I remember yoouuu..."
An excellent imitation of the 1967 song "Hey, Little Bird" by Buffy Sainte-Marie. You can listen to it here.
  • "Wesley Willis..."
Wesley Willis began a career as an underground singer-songwriter in the outsider music tradition after being diagnosed with schizophrenia in 1989.
  • "Wendy Wasserstein..."
Wendy Wasserstein was an American playwright.
  • "Ed Grimley choreographed this dance!"
Ed Grimley is a character played by Martin Short on SCTV and Saturday Night Live. He was prone to performing an awkward, slightly spastic dance.
  • "Shouldn't we have separate viewing booths for this movie?"
Adult video arcades—pornographic movie viewing areas where masturbation is tolerated and expected (and sometimes openly encouraged)—typically consist of a dozen or more private (or sometimes semi-private) viewing booths, containing a video monitor, a panel of controls, and a seat. Sometimes the booths have paper towels and a wastebasket.
  • "H.R. Pufnstuf's Go-Go Girl Revue!"
H.R. Pufnstuf is a children's TV show from the early 1970s. Pufnstuf is a friendly dragon.
  • "Why does Noam Chomsky insist these women open for him?"
Noam Chomsky is an American linguist, philosopher, cognitive scientist, historian, social critic, and political activist. Sometimes called "the father of modern linguistics", Chomsky is also a major figure in analytic philosophy and one of the founders of the field of cognitive science.
  • "This show made possible by a grant from the Onan Foundation."
Onan is a character in the Bible who was unwilling to father a child by his widowed sister-in-law, so he withdrew from her and instead "spilled his seed on the ground", since any child born would not legally be considered his heir. The next statement in the Bible says that Onan did evil and that God slew him; his name is source of the word onanism.
  • "Marlo Thomas and the Marlo-ettes!"
Marlo Thomas is an American actress, producer, author, and social activist best known for starring on the 1966–1971 sitcom That Girl. Her former signature bouffant hairstyle is similar to the women's in the film.
  • "Sorry we shot you back there, Mr. Hopper!"
In the final scene of Easy Rider, starring Dennis Hopper, Hopper and Peter Fonda's characters are shot by rednecks.
  • "El Kabong is stalking them!"
El Kabong is the Zorro-esque alter ego of Quick Draw McGraw, a fictional anthropomorphic horse and the protagonist and title character of The Quick Draw McGraw Show. He would defeat villains by giving them a "kabong" on the head with his guitar.
  • "Look, I have ergotism!"
Ergotism is the effect of long-term ergot poisoning, traditionally due to the ingestion of the alkaloids produced by the ergot fungus. The symptoms can be roughly divided into convulsive symptoms and gangrenous symptoms.
  • "You also get the Cap Snaffler!"
The Cap Snaffler is one of Ron Popeil's many inventions, sold via TV ads through Popeil's company Ronco. It is meant to make the opening of bottles and jars easier.
  • "Start seeing motorcycles."
This quote is a public safety campaign that encourages motorists to be more aware of the presence of motorcycles and other small vehicles in an effort to reduce collisions and fatalities.
  • "You meet the nicest people on a Honda!"
An old advertising campaign for Honda motorcycles. You can watch a collection of the commercials here.
  • "Oh no, they picked up Joan Baez.""
Although she performs other genres, Joan Baez is generally regarded as a folk singer from the counterculture era of the 1960s.
  • "Charles Manson walks the streets. The Zodiac Killer's at large. Charles Bukowksi's pukin' out the window."
Charles Manson was a criminal and cult leader who operated in California in the late 1960s and early 1970s. The Zodiac Killer is the pseudonym of a serial killer who operated in Northern California from at least the late 1960s to the early 1970s. Los Angeles resident Charles Bukowski was a writer who had a reputation as a heavy drinker.
  • "Stacy Keach!"
Stacy Keach is an American actor and narrator. He has played mainly dramatic roles throughout his career, often in law enforcement or as a private detective.
  • "I ain't gonna play Sun City!"
The 1985 anti-apartheid song "Sun City" declared that all the artists involved would refuse to perform at Sun City, a resort located within one of the internationally unrecognized states created by the South African government to forcibly relocate its black population. The reference is suggested by the bandanna-wearing guy on-screen, making him vaguely resemble Steven Van Zandt, who wrote the song and organized its recording.
  • "She makes Elaine Benes look like a good dancer."
In the Seinfeld episode "The Little Kicks", Elaine Benes turns out to be an embarrassingly bad dancer.
  • "She's dancing the specials at T.G.I. Friday's." "Well, I hope she tells us—in dance—about the Jack Daniel's grill!"
In the late 1990s, the restaurant chain T.G.I. Friday's ran a promotion called the Jack Daniel's Grill, featuring grilled meat dishes marinated in Jack Daniel's whiskey.

Memorable Quotes

The movie opens with scantily clad women dancing.
Servo: Ah, shouldn't we be in individual booths for this movie?
[Listening to song called "Everything I Touch Turns to Gold"]
Crow: What happens when you touch gold?
Servo [as Michelle's drunk, dirty father]: Everything I touch turns to flies.
Michelle's Father: Don't get smart with me!
Michelle: I'm not getting smart!
Mike [as Michelle]: I can't!
[Michelle comes out of the kitchen, crying after being yelled at by her drunken father.]
Buz: What's wrong?
Crow [as Michelle]: I just found out what's in the "Special Sauce!"
[voice over] There goes- (voice over suddenly cuts out)
Crow: You can say that ag-
[Buz furtively unzips his jacket and checks the pistol tucked into his belt as he steps out of his car.]
Mike [as Buz]: Wh... oh, a gun. So that was the loud report and burning sensation in my groin.
Critter: I'll have ten Hershey bars.
CrowTin Hershey bars? Those are hard to eat.
Michelle: That'll be one dollar.
Servo [as Critter]: I've got a "Happenings" coupon!
Critter: Can you cash a hundred?
Michelle: I've never even seen one!
Critter: Fifty?
[Michelle shakes her head "no."]
Mike [as Critter]: Oh. Well, I'll have a thousand Hershey bars then, I guess.
[A bad cut makes Buz suddenly appear while two other characters are talking]
Servo [as Buz]: I'm back!
...
Mike [as Buz]: Anybody notice that I'm here now?
...
Crow [as Buz]: C'mon, I just teleported here! It's impressive!
Critter: Ever since I got back I've been carrying my billfold full of Nepalese money.
Crow: From the land of Nipples!
. . .
[Buz demands money from Michelle, and looks at what she hands over with apprehension.]
Mike [as Buz]: Your money's from Senegal!
. . .
[Realizing Michelle has only ten dollars, Buz asks for more money from Critter.]
Critter: Yeah, I can come up with my own share.
Mike [as Critter]: Ah, here's some Guatemalan quetzal.
Gas Station Attendant: Will this be cash or charge?
Buz: Cash.
[While the attendant is turned away, Buz draws a gun and pistol whips the man.]
Crow: On second thought, I'll just put it on my gun!
Servo: Heh, that guy's totally pistol-whipped, man.
. . .
[Buz puts up the "Closed" sign and locks the door as he leaves the store.]
Mike [as Buz]: Aw, shoot. They're closed! ...oh.
Servo [as Buz]: Heheh! I locked my car keys in the store!
[Michelle dances enthusiastically to a bongo beat at Leo's party.]
Mike: She makes Elaine Benes look like a good dancer.
[A car pulls up next to drug-dealing Buz and a middle-aged gentleman in a suit steps out]
Mike [as Man][politely] Excuse me, young man—can I get a "fix"?
[Buz starts to run away. The man gives chase.]
Servo [as Man]: No really, I'm very high-strung and in need of some "Mary Jane" or "reefers!"
[While the characters are planning to rob the local prison's evidence room, Mike and the Bots discover Buz is supposed to be a teenager despite the fact that the actor who plays him is clearly pushing 40.]
Harry: I'll need someone to come with me. Um, the boy'll do. [Points to Buz.]
Mike: Boy?!
. . .
Leo: Excuse me, Mr. Blatz, while I have a talk with this bright young man. [Pulls Buz aside.]
Servo: I don't know why they think he's so young, the guy's in his forties!
. . .
Crow [as Buz]: Wow, a young kid like me, breaking into crime!
. . .
[Professional lockpicker Harry Blatz and Buz have just finished burglarizing the police evidence locker.]
Harry: I won't mind seein' you go, because I know that there's now only one way to keep me from getting my share.
[Buz attacks Harry from behind.]
Mike [as Harry]: Yep, that's the way, you figured out how to do it! Beatin' in my skull with a tire iron! Oop, there's my brains on the floor!
. . .
Mike [as Buz]: Yes, my plan is perfect. I've been spotted by several people and I killed a guy!
Servo: Well, what do you expect, he's only a child!
[At the end of the movie, it's implied that former draft dodger Critter has decided to serve after all.]
Servo: Oh, so he learns he enjoys violence, and he's ready to kill like a man oughta.
. . .
[While Critter accompanies himself on guitar, Michelle moves not quite to the beat, while harmonica sounds come from nowhere.]
Servo: Honey, way to play the harmonica with your ass!
Mike: So here's a puzzler: who of these two is worse at their art form?
. . .
Servo: She's dancing the specials at T.G.I. Friday's.
Crow: Well, I hope she tells us, in dance, about the Jack Daniel's grill.
. . .
Critter[singing] But you must come down, put your feet on the ground, by and by.
Servo[singing] You're living a lie.
Critter[singing] You gotta come down.
Servo[singing] You dance like a clown.
Critter[singing] By and by.
Servo[singing] I hope that you die!

Video Release

  • Commercially released on DVD by Rhino Entertainment in November 2003 as part of The Mystery Science Theater 3000 Collection: Volume 4, a 4-DVD set with Space Mutiny, Hamlet, and Overdrawn at the Memory Bank, the DVD was later pulled in January 2010 due to Rhino no longer obtaining the rights to distribute Mst3k.
    • The set was re-released in January 2017 by Shout! Factory.
      • The DVD features an intro by Mike Nelson, specifically taped for the release, as well as a trailer and TV spot for the original film.
  • Available for rent or purchase on Amazon's streaming service.
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