But you must come down, put your feet on the ground, by and by. You're living a lie. You gotta come down. You dance like a clown. By and by. I hope that you die!
A young woman leaves her unpleasant home life and goes to Los Angeles with a new boyfriend and a charming drifter. She is hired as a go-go dancer in a nightclub, but the trio soon find themselves embroiled in the world of illicit narcotics and organized crime.
The Episode[]
Host Segments[]
"I don't usually even wear clothes, Mike!"
Mike keeps singing a song despite Crows interruptions
Prologue:Crow wears a "WWBSMD" bracelet -- 'What Would Buffy St. Marie Do?" His answer to a hypothetical moral dilemma: Write a folk song. Down in Castle Forrester, Pearl announces that she's about to become a fully-accredited mad scientist.
Segment 1: Pearl tries to act like a mad scientist, as a mad scientist inspector is visiting. She shocks Bobo, gives Brain Guy a latex hump, and talks Mike and the 'Bots into overreacting to the movie. When she starts hitting Brain Guy, the inspector nods approvingly.
Segment 2: Crow dresses as Buz, Servo as Michele; Crow tries to exact revenge (for what? Who knows?) on Mike by making Mike pour beer on his most prized possessions, as in the movie. Those turn out to be Mike's beer stein and then Crow himself.
Pearl gets audited by the Institute of Mad Scientists
Segment 3: Crow's legs are all that are visible as he dances provocatively, wearing gold boots, apparently sporting a tiny bikini. Mike's outraged; the 'Bots accuse him of being uncomfortable acknowledging Crow as a sexual creature.
Segment 4: Mimicking the film, Mike sings a folk song in front of a window as it rains. Crow keeps appearing, warning Mike about an increasingly dangerous fire caused by the water in Mike's song. Mike's oblivious and sings; Crow and Servo finally extinguish the fire. They only get Mike to react to them when they mention nachos.
Segment 5: Everybody on the SOL dresses like Leo; they're embarrassed. In the castle, the inspector concludes that Pearl's experiment is a failure -- until he sees Brain Guy dancing in a skimpy outfit. He accredits Pearl as a mad scientist, "conditionally".
Stinger: "Oh God, I wish I had that pretty mind back!"
Judy Carne was an English actress who was known for appearing on the TV sketch comedy series Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In, in which she sometimes performed as a go-go dancer. She had previously been mentioned in Episode #903 as a potential candidate for mind control.
"Ed Grimley choreographed this dance."
Ed Grimley is a character played by Martin Short on SCTV and Saturday Night Live. He was prone to performing an awkward, slightly spastic dance.
"H.R. Pufnstuf's Go-Go Girl Revue!"
H.R. Pufnstuf is a children's show from 1969. The titular character is a friendly dragon with a West Ohio accent.
"Why does Noam Chomsky insist these women open for him?"
Noam Chomsky is an American social critic and political activist. He is also a major figure in the fields of linguistics and analytic philosophy.
"Wolfgang Puck's sad demise."
Wolfgang Puck is an Austrian-American chef and restaurateur.
Casey Kasem was a famous American disc jockey and actor who voiced the character Shaggy in the animated series Scooby-Doo. Actor Tom Pace bears a strong resemblance to Kasem.
El Kabong is the Zorro-esque alter ego of the Hanna-Barbera cartoon character Quick Draw McGraw. He would defeat villains by giving them a "kabong" on the head with his guitar.
"Look, I have ergotism!"
ergotism is the effect of long-term ergot poisoning, traditionally due to the ingestion of the alkaloids produced by the ergot fungus. The symptoms include convulsions.
"If you buy now, you also get the Cap Snaffler!"
The Cap Snaffler is one of Ron Popeil's many inventions, sold via TV ads through Popeil's company Ronco Ronco. It is meant to make the opening of bottles and jars easier.
"Pepsi paid handsomely for this product placement."
Pepsi is a soft drink company whose products are prominently displayed in the diner. Product placement is a practice by which companies will pay to have their products or logos featured (usually in a positive context) in films and television.
This quote is a public safety campaign that encourages motorists to be more aware of the presence of motorcycles and other small vehicles in an effort to reduce collisions and fatalities.
"You meet the nicest people on a Honda!"
An old advertising campaign for Honda motorcycles. A collection of commercials is viewable here.
"Batmaaan."
This is the one-word theme song to the 1966Batman TV series.
"Starring Regis Philbin."
Regis Philbin was a talk show host, game show host, actor, and singer.
"I ain't gonna play Sun City!"
The 1985 anti-apartheid song "Sun City" declared that all the artists involved would refuse to perform at Sun City, a resort located within Bophuthatswana, one of the internationally-unrecognized states created by the South African government to forcibly relocate its black population. The reference is suggested by the bandanna-wearing guy on-screen, making him vaguely resemble Steven Van Zandt, who wrote the song and organized its recording.
Although she performs other genres, Joan Baez is best-known as a folk singer from the counterculture era of the 1960s.
"I'm good at dancing." "Compared to Stephen Hawking."
Stephen Hawking was a noted physicist who suffered from ALS, or Lou Gehrig's disease. He consequently required the use of a wheelchair for mobility in his adult life.
"Sounds like Max and 99 should be sneaking around outside."
The soundtrack is riffed as resembling the theme music to TV sitcom Get Smart, whose lead protagonists were the secret agents Maxwell Smart and Agent 99.
"Crimes like this never happen anymore now that we have McGruff."
Referring to McGruff the Crime Dog, a mascot character created to increase crime awareness and personal safety.
"Oh, Charles Manson walks the streets, the Zodiac Killer's at large, Charles Bukowski is pukin' out the window, and Santa's on his way!"
Charles Manson was a criminal and cult leader who operated in California in the late 1960s and early 1970s. The Zodiac Killer is the pseudonym of a serial killer who operated in Northern California from at least the late 1960s to the early 1970s. Los Angeles resident Charles Bukowski was a writer who had a reputation for being a heavy drinker.
"Stacy Keach!"
Stacy Keach is an actor and narrator. He has played mainly dramatic roles throughout his career, often in law as a private detective.
"This show made possible by a grant from the Onan Foundation."
Onan is a character in the Bible who was unwilling to father a child by his widowed sister-in-law, so he withdrew from her and instead "spilled his seed on the ground", since any child born would not legally be considered his heir. The Bible then says that Onan did evil and that God slew him. His name is the source of the word onanism.
Charlton Heston is an actor best known for his roles in The Ten Commandments, Ben-Hur, and Planet of the Apes. He was a prominent advocate for gun-ownership rights and had become President of the NRA in 1998.
"Uh that's good, but we're casting The Tempest here."
Perry Como was a singer and actor. He was known for being straight-laced and inoffensive.
"Go, Mary Tyler Moore, go!"
Mary Tyler Moore was an actress, producer, and social advocate. One of the roles for which she was best-known was Laurie Petrie on The Dick Van Dyke Show. Laura had dark hair that she wore in a flip style.
"Hey, Witchiepoo's sitting there."
Witchiepoo is the main antagonist of the children's TV show H.R. Pufnstuf.
"They're funnier than the Ritz Brothers."
The Ritz Brothers were a family comedy act who performed on stage, in nightclubs, and in films from 1925 to the late 1970s.
"Marlo Thomas and the Marlo-ettes!"
Marlo Thomas is an actress, producer, author, and social activist best known for starring on the 1966-1971 sitcom That Girl. Her former signature bouffant hairstyle is similar to those of the women in the film.
"Brought to you by the Gregory Method!"
The Gregory Method is a voting method that eliminates all randomness.
In the Seinfeld episode "The Little Kicks", Elaine Benes is revealed to be an embarrassingly bad dancer.
"Next, Kitty Carlisle will read 'Howl'."
Kitty Carlisle was an actress, opera singer, and spokesperson of the arts. She was a frequent guest on talks shows and game shows in the early days of television. "Howl" is a poem by the beat poet Allen Ginsberg which was highly controversial on publication.
Ruth Buzzi was an actress. She came to fame as a member of the cast of the 1960s sketch comedy TV series Laugh-In, where she often wore her brown hair in a bouffant style.
"My Three Sons grew up and started a band!"
My Three Sons was a sitcom that ran from 1960 to 1972. The sons were all relatively straight-laced and did not reflect any counter-culture attitudes of the 1960s.
"Kevin Spacey and William Holden enjoy the show."
Kevin Spacey is an actor with heavy eyelids and a high forehead. At the time of this episode's production, he was best-known for his Academy Award-winning performance in the film The Usual Suspects. William Holden was an actor and one of the biggest box office draws of the 1950s.
"Do you want to laugh or cry?" "Or look like John Tesh?"
John Tesh is a pianist, pop music composer, radio host, and television presenter. He has a long, narrow face, and light hair.
"Hey, I'm not trying to be funny." "I wish that were true of Jim Carrey."
Jim Carrey is an actor known for his occasionally broad comic performances.
"I'm Adolf Hitler."
Adolf Hitler was the leader of the Nazis during World War II. He was known for his narrow moustache, and for his brutality and committing horrific atrocities throughout Europe.
"Talk to Courtney Love."
Courtney Love is a singer, guitarist, songwriter, and actress. She has publicly struggled with substance abuse throughout her career.
A play on Don't ask, don't tell, a slogan that moderates employed as a compromise on the issue of LGBT people serving in the American armed forces.
"Just about time for my Jerry Orbach lesson."
Jerry Orbach was an actor known for his lined face and dark eyebrows. His prominent screen roles include Dr. Jake Houseman in the film Dirty Dancing and police detective Lennie Briscoe on the TV series Law and Order.
"Tonight on Oz."
Oz is a TV drama series set in a fictional men's prison.
"You're the luckiest girl in Hollywood." "No, that would be Lea Thompson."
Lea Thompson is an actress, singer, dancer, and director. She co-starred in the Back to the Future film series and had the title role on the TV sitcom Caroline in the City from 1995 to 1999 (which was moderately successful, but was widely considered to be banal and inconsequential).
"And if you don't replace her, somebody else will." "Like Charles Durning."
Charles Durning was an actor. He was heavyset and had grey hair for most of his career.
"She's dancing the specials at T.G.I. Friday's." "Well, I hope she tells us - in dance - about the Jack Daniel's Grill."
In the late 1990s, the restaurant chain T.G.I. Friday's introduced a series of menu items called the Jack Daniel's Grill, featuring grilled meat dishes marinated in Jack Daniel's whiskey.
Servo: Ah, shouldn't we be in individual booths for this movie?
[Listening to song called "Everything I Touch Turns to Gold"]
Crow: What happens when you touch gold?
Servo [as Michelle's drunk, dirty father]: Everything I touch turns to flies.
Michelle's Father: Don't get smart with me!
Michelle: I'm not getting smart!
Mike [as Michelle]: I can't!
[Michelle comes out of the kitchen, crying after being yelled at by her drunken father.]
Buz: What's wrong?
Crow [as Michelle]: I just found out what's in the "Special Sauce!"
[voice over] There goes- (voice over suddenly cuts out)
Crow: You can say that ag-
[Buz furtively unzips his jacket and checks the pistol tucked into his belt as he steps out of his car.]
Mike [as Buz]: Wh... oh, a gun. So that was the loud report and burning sensation in my groin.
Critter: I'll have ten Hershey bars.
Crow: Tin Hershey bars? Those are hard to eat.
Michelle: That'll be one dollar.
Servo [as Critter]: I've got a "Happenings" coupon!
Critter: Can you cash a hundred?
Michelle: I've never even seen one!
Critter: Fifty?
[Michelle shakes her head "no."]
Mike [as Critter]: Oh. Well, I'll have a thousand Hershey bars then, I guess.
[A bad cut makes Buz suddenly appear while two other characters are talking]
Servo [as Buz]: I'm back!
...
Mike [as Buz]: Anybody notice that I'm here now?
...
Crow [as Buz]: C'mon, I just teleported here! It's impressive!
Critter: Ever since I got back I've been carrying my billfold full of Nepalese money.
Crow: From the land of Nipples!
. . .
[Buz demands money from Michelle, and looks at what she hands over with apprehension.]
Mike [as Buz]: Your money's from Senegal!
. . .
[Realizing Michelle has only ten dollars, Buz asks for more money from Critter.]
Critter: Yeah, I can come up with my own share.
Mike [as Critter]: Ah, here's some Guatemalan quetzal.
Gas Station Attendant: Will this be cash or charge?
Buz: Cash.
[While the attendant is turned away, Buz draws a gun and pistol whips the man.]
Crow: On second thought, I'll just put it on my gun!
Servo: Heh, that guy's totally pistol-whipped, man.
. . .
[Buz puts up the "Closed" sign and locks the door as he leaves the store.]
Mike [as Buz]: Aw, shoot. They're closed! ...oh.
Servo [as Buz]: Heheh! I locked my car keys in the store!
[Michelle dances enthusiastically to a bongo beat at Leo's party.]
Mike: She makes Elaine Benes look like a good dancer.
[A car pulls up next to drug-dealing Buz and a middle-aged gentleman in a suit steps out]
Mike [as Man]: [politely] Excuse me, young man—can I get a "fix"?
[Buz starts to run away. The man gives chase.]
Servo [as Man]: No really, I'm very high-strung and in need of some "Mary Jane" or "reefers!"
[While the characters are planning to rob the local prison's evidence room, Mike and the Bots discover Buz is supposed to be a teenager despite the fact that the actor who plays him is clearly pushing 40.]
Harry: I'll need someone to come with me. Um, the boy'll do. [Points to Buz.]
Mike: Boy?!
. . .
Leo: Excuse me, Mr. Blatz, while I have a talk with this bright young man. [Pulls Buz aside.]
Servo: I don't know why they think he's so young, the guy's in his forties!
. . .
Crow [as Buz]: Wow, a young kid like me, breaking into crime!
. . .
[Professional lockpicker Harry Blatz and Buz have just finished burglarizing the police evidence locker.]
Harry: I won't mind seein' you go, because I know that there's now only one way to keep me from getting my share.
[Buz attacks Harry from behind.]
Mike [as Harry]: Yep, that's the way, you figured out how to do it! Beatin' in my skull with a tire iron! Oop, there's my brains on the floor!
. . .
Mike [as Buz]: Yes, my plan is perfect. I've been spotted by several people and I killed a guy!
Servo: Well, what do you expect, he's only a child!
[At the end of the movie, it's implied that former draft dodger Critter has decided to serve after all.]
Servo: Oh, so he learns he enjoys violence, and he's ready to kill like a man oughta.
. . .
[While Critter accompanies himself on guitar, Michelle moves not quite to the beat, while harmonica sounds come from nowhere.]
Servo: Honey, way to play the harmonica with your ass!
Mike: So here's a puzzler: who of these two is worse at their art form?
. . .
Servo: She's dancing the specials at T.G.I. Friday's.
Crow: Well, I hope she tells us, in dance, about the Jack Daniel's grill.
. . .
Critter: [singing] But you must come down, put your feet on the ground, by and by.
This was the first episode of the Sci-Fi Channel era in which the film did not fit into the established sci-fi/horror genres. It was followed by two other similar episodes during Season 10 (Experiment #1008 and #1009).
This episode introduced the sub-plot of Pearl seeking the approval of the Mad Scientist community. This was reportedly included at the request of the Sci-Fi Channel, who believed that on-going plotlines would increase viewership.
A scene from the movie in which characters smoke marijuana was censored for broadcast on the Sci-Fi Channel. The visuals were replaced with shots of a bongo player, but the audio, including jokes about marijuana, was not replaced. All home video releases of this episode are uncensored.
Commercially released on DVD by Rhino Entertainment in November 2003 as part of The Mystery Science Theater 3000 Collection: Volume 4, a 4-DVD set with Space Mutiny, Hamlet, and Overdrawn at the Memory Bank, the DVD was later pulled in January 2010 due to Rhino no longer obtaining the rights to distribute Mst3k.
The set was re-released in January 2017 by Shout! Factory.
The DVD features an intro by Mike Nelson, specifically taped for the release, as well as a trailer and TV spot for the original film.
Available for rent or purchase on Amazon's streaming service.
