See, I could point out that this isn’t in the future and it’s not a war, but you know me. I don’t like to complain.
- Crow T. Robot

The Movie[]

Main article: Future War (film)


A fugitive from time-traveling slavers enlists the help of a nun to evade his captors.

The Episode[]

Host Segments[]

  • Prologue: Using a computer spreadsheet program and California Senator Dianne Feinstein as a baseline, Crow tries to calculate how many times a lady Gypsy is. Gypsy is disappointed that she is only 2.7 times a lady. It turns out that Mike is eight times a lady.

    What Crow sees while on LSD

  • Segment One: Pearl is conducting LSD tests on the robots and monitors their hallucinations. To augment the effect, Bobo and Brain Guy have formed an acid rock band called Narcotic Casserole. Servo has his usual delirium; Crow has a harrowing experience in which he sees Mike eating a Snickers candy bar, not a Milky Way. Pearl is pleased with these results and sends up the movie Future War, or "crap" as it’s called in the illicit pharmacology business. As the movie is being sent up, Crow is also somewhat surprised to learn that Mike is not a clown.
  • Segment Two: Tom makes a pair of legs (which are non-functional, like his arms) so he can kickbox. He challenges Gypsy to a fight, but she has a leg of her own and instantly defeats Servo.
  • 1004-3

    Pearl's Drug Experiment

    Segment Three: Mike, Crow and Servo realize they've never really thanked Pearl for not killing them. They take a moment to thank Pearl, interrupting her attempt to kill them.
  • Segment Four: Crow is Droppy the Water Droplet, an emissary from the National Water Council, who has come to share just a few thousand of the many uses for water.
  • Segment Five: Mike has a giant Robert Z'Dar-esque chin. The bots chide him for being so insensitive to all the people with large prosthetic chins. MIke doesn't really care. Down in Castle Forrester, Bobo and Brain Guy inform Pearl that Narcotic Casserole is leaving to tour with Moby Grape. Pearl gives them each exploding tracking collars.
  • Stinger: Robert Z'Dar and Daniel Bernhardt kick-box and Bernhardt's shirt somehow slips off.[1]

MST3K cast[]

Regular cast

Guest cast

  • Peter Rudrud - Launch Announcer


Obscure References[]

  • Gypsy is 2.7 times a lady.
The entire "how many times a lady" opening segment is based on The Commodores song Three Times a Lady, sung by Lionel Richie.
  • "Eh, it's more like Jean-Claude Gosh Darn." "Van Dammit."
Daniel Bernhardt is best known for replacing Jean-Claude Van Damme in the straight-to-video Bloodsport sequels.
  • "This place looks like a maze." "We call it 'a corn'."
"You call it corn, we call it maize" is an advertisement campaign from the 1970s and 80s by Mazola. It is spoken stoically by a Native American woman to promote their now-discontinued margarine. Commercials using this line can be seen here or here.
  • "Am I Ving Rhames? I can't remember."
The actor on-screen vaguely resembles actor Ving Rhames.
  • "Is that a heartbeat? Oh, no, I'm sorry, that's a lovebeat."
"A heartbeat, it's a lovebeat" is from the 1973 song "Heartbeat, It's A Lovebeat" by The DeFranco Family.
  • (After a title card saying "A David Hue Production" is shown) "In association with Bob Tet Offensive Productions."
Much of the fighting that occurred during the Tet Offensive, one of the largest military campaigns of the Vietnam War, took place in and around the city of Huế, Vietnam. During the Battle of Huế, intense fighting lasted for a month, resulting in the destruction of the city. During their occupation, the PAVN/VC executed thousands of people in the Massacre at Huế.
  • "Dustbusters Galactica."
The spacecraft in the movie looks like the Battlestar Galactica, a space battleship in the original and re-imagined science fiction TV series Battlestar Galactica. The Dustbuster is a cordless, hand-held vacuum cleaner that was introduced in January 1979 by Black & Decker.
  • "Romeo was restless, he was ready to production design!"
"Romeo was restless, he was ready to kill" is the first line of the 1977 song "Mystery Dance" by English singer-songwriter Elvis Costello.
  • "Formerly of Kajagoogoo""
Kajagoogoo was a British new wave band who's fame peaked in the 1980's with their hit song 'Too Shy!'
  • "And now, Ooh, Heaven Is a Place on Earth: The Movie."
Lyrics from Belinda Carlisle's 1987 signature song "Heaven Is a Place on Earth".
  • "Chuck Wepner's point of view!"
Boxer Chuck Wepner challenged Muhammad Ali for the world heavyweight title in a 1975 fight (which Wepner lost in the 15th round by technical knockout) that loosely inspired the 1976 film Rocky.
  • "This dinosaur used to rule Hollywood, now Spielberg won't return his calls...."
Referring to Steven Spielberg being the director of 'Jurassic Park', which featured Tyrannosaurus Rex as one of the film's most prominent dinosaurs. Spielberg also directed it's sequel 'The Lost World', which also heavily featured Tyrannosaurus Rex and was released the same year as 'Future War'.
  • "Mink Stole!"
Mink Stole is an actress who began her career working for director John Waters, and has appeared in all of his feature films to date.
  • "Calista Flockhart's belt!"
At the time this episode aired, Calista Flockhart was best known for her roles as the title character on the TV show Ally McBeal, and the 1996 film The Birdcage. She is known for her slender build.
  • "What if God was one of us?"
Lyrics from "One of Us", a 1995 song recorded by American singer Joan Osborne.
  • "I just thought of a joke from Nunsense."
The concept of the 1985 musical comedy Nunsense originated as a line of greeting cards featuring a nun offering tart quips with a clerical slant. It was expanded into a cabaret show that ran for 38 weeks, and eventually into a full-length musical. The show has since been adapted into a television production starring Rue McClanahan, and has spawned six sequels and three spin-offs.
  • "Great Warren Moon impression."
Warren Moon is an American former NFL and CFL quarterback who played professionally for 23 seasons. He spent the majority of his career with the Houston Oilers (NFL) and the Edmonton Eskimos (CFL). In the NFL, Moon also played for the Minnesota Vikings, Seattle Seahawks, and Kansas City Chiefs.

A direct reference to the song, "ABC-DEF-GHI" from Sesame Street, sung by Big Bird.

  • "Damn Bumpuses' dinosaurs!"
The Bumpuses are the family of unsophisticated neighbors with out-of-control dogs in A Christmas Story.
  • "Am I a Wild and Crazy Guy?"
The Festrunk Brothers ("Two Wild and Crazy Guys!") is a series of sketches from Saturday Night Live in the 1970s, wherein Dan Aykroyd and Steve Martin play Yortuk and Georg Festrunk, two brothers who emigrated from Czechoslovakia to the United States. They have heavy accents and are constantly trying to pick up women.
  • "Wastin' away again in Margaritaville."
Lyrics from the 1977 song "Margaritaville" by Jimmy Buffett.
  • "I want cars posted all along this route!" "Make 'em all Tercels!"
The Tercel is a compact car built by Toyota during the 1980s and 1990s.
  • "This is Boris Becker reporting live!"
Boris Becker is a German tennis player.
  • "Just call me Bruce Box-liker!"
A punning reference to actor Bruce Boxleitner, best known for his roles on Scarecrow and Mrs. King and Babylon 5.
  • "They were transferred to a Costa Gavras film."
Costa Gavras is a Greek-born film director who specializes in dark political thrillers.
  • "Reminds me of the time Chief Gates chunked all over headquarters."
A reference to former LAPD chief Daryl Gates.
  • "In fact, everybody cut footloose."
Lyrics from Kenny Loggins's song "Footloose", from the movie of the same name.
  • "Based on a play by Terrence McNally!"
Playwright Terrence McNally is known for exploring gay issues in his works.
  • "Maybe he *is* Tom of Finland."
Tom of Finland was an artist known for the overt homoeroticism of his work.
  • "Thank you, Soloflex!"
The Soloflex is a piece of home fitness equipment that was heavily advertised on cable TV during the late 1980s and early '90s.
  • "Dee Snider's dance belt!"
Dee Snider is the lead singer of the heavy metal band Twisted Sister.
  • "Let's do some crimes!"
A quote from the 1984 movie Repo Man. Watch the scene here.
  • "Here comes the big one! I'm comin', Elizabeth!"
Spoken by Fred Sanford (Redd Foxx), this is the most well-known catchphrase of the 1970s TV show Sanford and Son. Whenever things aren't going Fred's way, or the cantankerous old man just wants to get a little sympathy, he would clutch his chest dramatically, faking a heart attack, and call out to his dead wife.
  • "I'm your puppet."
Lyrics from the song "I'm Your Puppet", written by Dan Penn and Spooner Oldham. The best known version is the one recorded by James & Bobby Purify in 1966.
  • "SURGE!"
Surge is a citrus-flavored, heavily caffeinated soft drink first produced in the 1990s by The Coca-Cola Company to compete with Pepsi's Mountain Dew.
  • "Casablanca! Could you doppel me into that, Mike?"
Crow, noting the marquee on a movie theater in the shot, refers to Overdrawn at the Memory Bank, which relied heavily on the better film as a plot device.
  • "Sister Suzuki Sidekick."
The first generation of the Suzuki Vitara was known as Suzuki Sidekick in the United States. It is a series of SUV produced by Suzuki in four generations since 1988.
  • "Go, go." "Can you hear them? They talk about us..."
Lyrics from the 1981 song "Our Lips Are Sealed" by The Go-Go's.
  • "It's a Fixx video without the music."
The Fixx was an '80s pop group best known for its song "One Thing Leads to Another."
  • "Why don't you ask him if he's going to stay? Why don't you ask him if he's going away?" "Tusk!" "Don't say that you love me!"
Lyrics from the 1979 song "Tusk" by Fleetwood Mac.
  • "Ain't it funny how time slips away."
Lyrics from the 1992 song "Funny How Time Slips Away" written by Willie Nelson and first recorded by country singer Billy Walker. There are many cover versions.
  • "Father Oliver Platt."
The actor on screen bears some resemblance to actor Oliver Platt.
  • "Rip Taylor as The Android."
Rip Taylor was an American actor and comedian known for his wild moustache (among other flamboyant things).
Night of the Lepus is a 1972 movie about an infestation of giant mutated rabbits. It later became a RiffTrax presentation.
  • "I don't follow you, my friend. No way."
Observer, in his hippie persona, quotes this line from the "made-for-TV hippie" in San Francisco International.
  • "Now they're eight miles high."
"Eight Miles High" is a 1966 song by the Byrds that was influential in developing the musical styles of psychedelia and raga rock. Accordingly, critics often cite "Eight Miles High" as being the first bona fide psychedelic rock song, as well as a classic of the counterculture era.

Memorable Quotes[]

[Credits read: "A David Hue production"].
Mike: In association with Bob Tet Offensive Productions.
[The opening credits identify actor Robert Z'Dar.]
Servo: Oh z'no.
[As the movie opens, the Runaway (Swiss martial-arts actor Daniel Bernhardt) creeps along a wall.]
Servo: Hey, it's Jean Claude Van Damme!
Mike: Eh, it's more like Jean Claude Gosh Darn.
[Armed with a shotgun, Fred, a hefty African-American man, follows him.]
Crow [as Fred]: Am I Ving Rhames? I can't remember.
[A midget Tyrannosaurus rex (actually a hand puppet) growls at the Runaway in an alley.]
Crow: He's a Cute-a-saurus!
[The T-Rex lunges for the Runaway's neck]
Servo: He's being attacked by a schnauzer in a dinosaur costume.
[The Runaway stabs the creature in the neck and he goes down quickly.]
Mike[laughs] Wow, that was easy! Maybe it was butterflies that wiped out the dinosaurs?
[Shortly after the Runaway escapes, the dinosaur explodes.]
Servo: Ooh... no wonder fossils are so rare!
[A homeless man is attacked and eaten by a dinosaur.]
Mike: You know, this has got to be about the last thing you worry about when you're living in a dumpster.
[The Runaway flees through a shipping yard and throws obviously empty cardboard boxes at his pursuer.]
Mike: Boxes of air, shipped anywhere overnight.
. . .
Mike: Maybe they ship fully inflated balloons overseas?
. . .
[The Runaway finds himself at a dead end among the boxes.]
Crow: He's boxed in!
Mike: Yeah, well, I'm card-bored.
Mike:Alright there should be a delay of movie penalty
Servo [makes whistle sound] Fifteen yards.
[From a high-angle shot, the main character throws a harpoon and clearly hits nothing, but the puppet dinosaur keels over.]
Crow [as Daniel Bernhardt]: So when you edit this, it's going to look like I hit him, right?
Ann: Hey, how did you know who I was?
Officer: Fred Burrows told us how he got you to give him a ride. Don't worry, you're free to go.
Mike: Fred Burrows?
Servo: Somebody look in your Rolodex for a Fred Burrows.


[Shot of the Runaway in a jail cell.]
Crow [as the Runaway]: Fred Burrows! Help me!
[Ann and the Runaway escape a dinosaur in the back of a man's pickup truck.]
Crow [as driver]: Look, how much more can I drive? There's no inherent quantity of driving that I can increase! ...If you want me to go faster, then you need to tell me that.
[Characters are hunting dinosaurs, with incessant deep bell music.]
Mike: According to the bells, it's 97 o'clock.
[Shot of a bomb timer, counting down extremely quickly.]
Crow: Introducing new, faster seconds!
[As the Runaway fights the Cyborg, the camera cuts to Ann fidgeting nervously.]
Crow [as Ann]: I'm fretting. See, audience? I'm fretting.
Servo: This isn't a real movie, it's more of a movie loaf.
Mike: Yeah, it's made from real movie parts, chunked and formed.
[During one of the many, many inept action scenes.]
Crow: OK, my theory is that the director shot the entire movie without looking at it.
[The Runaway and the Cyborg Master's fight is filled with various continuity errors, as pointed out by Mike.]
Servo: The movie that packs more "Huhs" per second!
Ann: Everything he wanted was everything I needed...
Crow [as Ann]: So neither of us actually got anything.

Video Release[]



  • Commercially released on DVD by Shout! Factory in October 2008 as part of The Mystery Science Theater 3000 Collection: 20th Anniversary box set, a 4-DVD set with WerewolfLaserblast, and First Spaceship on Venus.
  • The DVD includes a theatrical trailer, the Variations of a Theme Song featurette, and "MST3K at Comic-Con '08", a cast reunion staged at the 2008 San Diego Comic-Con and moderated by Patton Oswalt in honor of the show's 20th anniversary.
  • Available for rent or purchase on Amazon's streaming service.