His arteries are just looking at each other, shakin' their heads.
- Crow T. Robot (seeing Joe Don Baker drink a whole glass of milk at once)

Final Justice is the 8th episode of the 10th season of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and the 192nd episode overall. It premiered on June 20, 1999.

The Movie[]

Main article: Final Justice (film)

"The last thing a sausage sees"


Thomas Jefferson Geronimo (Joe Don Baker) is a deputy sheriff working in a small town in South Texas. When two mafia hit men try to escape across the border to Mexico, Geronimo - with the skill of a quick-draw gunfighter - kills one and captures the other. Geronimo tries to take his prisoner to Italy for extradition, but they find themselves on an unplanned layover in Malta.

Geronimo's prisoner escapes, and the Texas lawman must battle the Mafia and local law enforcement to finish the job he started.

The Episode[]

Host Segments[]

1008 3


Prologue: Tom and Mike consider the unexplored implications of the Yes song "Owner of a Lonely Heart". Tom is insistent that the band should have considered every possible permutation of "The owner of a lonely heart, is much better than—".

Segment One: Whenever Mike and the Bots say "Owner of a lonely heart," they're assaulted by a Yes orchestra hit. In Castle Forrester, Pearl attempts to raise productivity through humor, but she doesn't approve of the type of humor demonstrated by the SOL crew or Bobo.


Mike thinks it's his turn to escape

Segment Two: Annoyed by the sequence in which Greydon Clark's character is shot and slides down the wall twice, Mike and the Bots complain to Pearl. They illustrate their point by having Mike trip and fall repeatedly. She relents and promises to never send another Joe Don Baker movie wherein a dark-haired sheriff in a small role is shot and slides down the same wall twice.

Segment Three: Goosio, friend to Maltese children everywhere, arrives on the SOL as a goodwill ambassador. The 'bots think it's a joke by Mike and brutally dismember the goose.


Observer has a date

Segment Four: Crow has written an essay on the wonder and splendor of Malta. It is highly-derisive towards the men of Malta.

Closing (Segment Five): Mike erroneously assumes that because Joel was able to escape after watching a bad Joe Don Baker film that it must now be his turn to escape. The 'bots gently point out that it's not and tell him to come upstairs for some Swiss Miss. Mike asks if they can watch a good Joe Don Baker film, but Crow assures him that would never happen. In Castle Forrester, Pearl's funny dress-up day gets a disturbing interpretation from Brain Guy.

Stinger: Geronimo's catch phrase: "Yew think yew kin take me? Go 'head on. It's yer move."

MST3K cast[]

Regular cast

Guest cast



Shootout from Final Justice

  • This episode includes frequent mockery of Joe Don Baker, particularly regarding his weight and hygiene. The was apparently due to Baker's reported hostile reaction to MST3K's treatment of his film Mitchell during the 5th season.
  • Like many of the R-rated movies used on the show, some material was edited.
    • Multiple instances of Joe Don Baker saying "son of a bitch" are removed.
    • Some scenes are removed entirely, either for time or to delete objectionable content (including a sexual assault).
    • Nudity is removed through either editing, blurring the image, or the use of alternate scenes.
  • This film (along with Girl in Gold Boots and Hamlet) is one of the three films during MST3K's time on the SciFi Channel that does not fit into the usual horror/fantasy/sci-fi genres. Because the MST3K crew knew that this would be their final season, they reportedly decided to do a few movies that were outside the Sci-Fi Channel's preferred types if they felt the movie was worth it.


  • "Stop drinking baby oil!"
  • "The producer of Hobgoblins...we're doomed."
  • "Star of Mitchell?"


  • As noted in the callbacks, Greydon Clark is referred to in the riffing as the producer of Hobgoblins. However, he has no known connection to that movie, which was produced by Rick Sloane.

Obscure References[]

  • "Some enchanted evening—"
"Some Enchanted Evening" is a song from the 1949 Rodgers and Hammerstein musical South Pacific.
  • "We have to cross the river into Italy."
When Julius Caesar led his legion across the Rubicon river into Italy, he deliberately broke the law on imperium and made armed conflict inevitable.
  • "Jon Lovitz refuses a drink."
Jon Lovitz was a cast member on Saturday Night Live during the late 1980s and early 90s. He also voiced the title character on the short-lived animated sitcom The Critic, joined the cast of the sitcom NewsRadio in its fifth season, and later appeared in a series of commercials for the Yellow Pages and the fast-food chain Subway. The man refusing a drink resembles him.
  • "Do you know John Wayne?" "Gacy, yes!"
Serial killer John Wayne Gacy sexually assaulted and murdered at least 33 young men and boys during the 1970s.
  • "His boots are from Gateway computers."
Gateway Inc. was a company founded in Sioux City, Iowa that built brand recognition in part by shipping computers in spotted boxes patterned after Holstein cow markings.
  • "The one on the right is the Miles Davis of strippers."
Popular jazz trumpeter Miles Davis was known for performing with his back to the audience.
  • "Oh Kermie! Take a look at my good stuff!"
The "pig lady" float bears a strong resemblance to the Muppet character Miss Piggy, who often addresses Kermit by "Kermie."
  • "None of them are spongeworthy."
A reference to an episode of the TV sitcom Seinfeld in which the character Elaine struggles to decide whether her current boyfriend is worthy of using one of her stockpiled and preferred (but now-discontinued) brand of contraceptive sponge.
  • "John Rhys-Davies for sale!"
The diminutive bearded man standing in the background bears some resemblance to actor John Rhys-Davies. When this episode aired, he was known for his role as Sallah in two of the three Indiana Jones films. He would later play Gimli in The Lord of the Rings film trilogy.
  • "I'm just going to read a sermon from a Robert James Waller book."
Robert James Waller wrote several best-sellers in the 1990s, most notably The Bridges of Madison County.
  • "Hey, he's a felonious monk!"
A punning reference to jazz musician Thelonious Monk.
  • "Bon voyage Joe Don... I'm off to make Xerox commercials!"
In a 1977 Super Bowl ad, a Franciscan monk uses a Xerox machine to duplicate manuscripts.
  • "I really don't care for this remake of A Lion in Winter."
The Lion in Winter is a 1966 play by James Goldman about King Henry II and Eleanor of Aquitaine and their struggles for the British throne. The reference is made during a dungeon scene, and dungeons are featured prominently in the play.
  • "Boy, Up with People sure has changed."
Up with People is a nonprofit organization that uses travel, the performing arts, volunteering, and various workshops to teach young adults how to interact in a multi-cultural environment and create change in communities with varying needs.
  • "Pirini Scleroso confesses."
Pirini Scleroso is the heavily-accented custodian on the SCTV sketch comedy show, played by Andrea Martin.
  • "I'm glad it's a Nudie Suit in name only."
Designer Nudie Cohn's "Nudie Suits" were decorative, sometimes rhinestone-covered suits made for and worn by many celebrities, including Elvis Presley, Hank Williams, Gene Autry, and Elton John.

Memorable Quotes[]

Mike: Aw, can't I have just one more justice?
[Geronimo shoots an Italian suspect and he falls from a small ledge in slow motion.]
Crow: In the time it takes him to fall, the government in Italy changes three times!
[The MST3K crew makes fun of the television version's censorship during a particularly profanity-heavy scene.]
Palermo[After his brother has been shot by Geronimo.] You son of a-- [Audio edit]!
Mike: ...what?
Servo: Huh. What do you think he's a son of? Son of a preacher man? Son of a son of a sailor, maybe?
. . .
Palermo: You son of a-- [Audio edit]!
Servo [as Palermo]: Uh... something!
. . .
Geronimo: Get off your knees, you son of a-- [Audio edit]!
Mike [as Geronimo]: Same thing you said!
. . .
Palermo: I swear to God, you're gonna pay for this, you-- [Audio edit]!
Servo [as Palermo]: I'll kill you, but I won't curse you!
. . .
[Much, much later in the movie...]
Mike: Hey, maybe this would be a good time to call him a "son of a-- [Audio edit]!"
Geronimo: You've got the right to remain silent.
Mike: Oh, he is a real cop!
Geronimo[Knocks the suspect out.] And all that other ****.
Mike: ...oh.
[Government official Wilson discusses Texas Ranger Geronimo's mission to extradite murderer Palermo to Italy.]
Wilson: Ah, you see, Mr. Palermo's been a major source of embarrassment to the Italian Government.
Mike [as Wilson]: That's hard to do!
Crow: Guests of Final Justice fly TWA.
Mike: Yeah, let's get out the manual. Kill someone? Turn to page 37.
[Geronimo has challenged a villian to a duel in a rainstorm. Cut to close-up of his rain-dripping hand.]
Servo: Ugh, he's sweating palm kernel oil!
[In Malta, Geronimo and Palermo's taxi races down the road as Palermo's allies attack from their own sedan.]
Mike [as Announcer]: Cars provided by Matchbox.
Maltese taxi driver: Do you know John Wayne?
Mike [as Geronimo]: Gacy, yes!
[Geronimo leaps from a car just before it explodes.]
Crow: Joe Don Baker's famous delayed reaction farts!
. . .
[As the fiery explosion clears, a car door inexplicably falls from the sky.]
Servo: And God sends a door chassis from Heaven.
[In Malta, Geronimo confronts three henchman in a classic spaghetti-Western showdown.]
Servo: The Ugly, the Ugly, and the Ugly.
Geronimo: Carnival? Is it a big carnival?
Crow [as Geronimo]: Can I get a balloon?
[Bad guy Palermo, disguised as a robed priest, runs from Geronimo.]
Mike: Guess he's a... felonious monk!
. . .
Servo [as Palermo]: I'm gonna nail some theses to his head!
[Joe Don Baker is wearing a cowboy outfit]
Mike: Meat Loaf, Texas Ranger.
[In the final showdown, Geronimo cuts his own catchphrase off halfway through to shoot Palermo dead.]
Servo: Our hero: a big, stinky cheater!

Video Release[]