|“||And now a Deep 13 holiday presentation, Pia Zadora in: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. Shield your eyes, Frank!||”|
|— Dr. Forrester|
- Main article: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (film)
Martians abduct Santa Claus and two Earth children in an attempt to bring joy to the children of Mars. Antics ensue.
Prologue: The Bots pore over expensive Christmas catalogs and tell Joel what they want for Christmas.
Segment One (Invention Exchange): The Mads reveal their devastating holiday invention, the Wish Squisher, which can turn any cool present into something horrifically lame. Joel and the Bots demonstrate their own Misfit Toys, including Mr. Mashed Potato Head and the board game adaptation of Patrick Swayze's Road House.
Segment Two: Crow writes his own Christmas carol, "A Patrick Swayze Christmas". Due to some violent lyrics, Joel is not impressed.
Segment Three: Joel tricks Frank into sending up more Christmas specials. Some are good, and some are really, really bad.
Segment Four: The SOL reads their Christmas essays. Crow reads "A Christmas Editorial", Tom reads the classic "A Child's Christmas in Space", Joel reads about 70's office parties, and Gypsy says it all.
Segment Five: The crew sings their own version of "Angels We Have Heard on High", goes through their stockings, and reads a nice holiday letter, while the Mads exchange gifts.
Stinger: Voldar laughs evilly.
- The music and lyrics for "A Patrick Swayze Christmas" were written by Michael J. Nelson.
- This episode was the one they were working on when a crew from Comedy Central arrived at the studios to shoot footage for the documentary This is MST3K.
- The final segment of Frank and Forrester exchanging gifts is a parody of O. Henry's Gift of the Magi. Frank and Forrester later parodied the same story in Santa Claus.
- Ranked 7th in the Top 100 Episodes as chosen by backers of the Bring Back MST3K Kickstarter.
- This episode aired ninth during Turkey Day '92, seventh during Turkey Day '94, and sixth & last during Turkey Day '15.
Quotes & References
- "This is really cheap animation -- Clutch Cargo was better than this!"
Clutch Cargo was a television series notorious for its poor and limited - some might say disturbing - animation—the most striking example of this being the way the characters' mouths were "animated" simply by splicing in the filmed mouths of the actors performing the lines.
- "Hi kids, this is Andy Henderson at the North Pole!" "No you're not, you're Rip Taylor."
A reference to the flamboyant comedian who was a fixture on 70s TV shows like The Gong Show.
- Father Martian tells his children to go to bed and Crow responds in a little girl voice, "will you buy me a Golden Globe then?"
The little Martian girl was Pia Zadora's first role, but she is probably most famous for winning a Golden Globe for the 1982 film Butterfly even though it was a flop. Her husband was accused of buying off the judges to get the award and she was also awarded "Razzies" as "Worst New Star" and "Worst Actress" in the 1982 Golden Raspberry Awards. She won more "Worst Actress" awards and the Golden Raspberry Awards later named her Worst New Star of the Decade (1980-1989).
One of the Martians is named Momar, recalling Colonel Muammar al-Qadaffi, the notoriously anti-American dictator of Libya.
- "Their ship runs on a Simon game."
- "You sunk my Battleship!"
- "I want those kids *dead*! I want Santa's house burned to the ground!"
Servo is paraphrasing Robert De Niro as Al Capone in The Untouchables.
- "Are you sure it's not The Fish Who Saved Pittsburgh?"
- "Kimar is the Savings Place!"
"The Savings Place" was an advertising slogan used by Kmart during the 1980s.
- "They've been reading The Bell Jar!"
- "It's Big Jim McLain!"
Big Jim McLain was a 1952 movie starring John Wayne.
- "You! Get Donna Rice on the phone! I'll get a camera!"
Donna Rice was the woman at the center of a sex scandal that ended the 1988 presidential ambitions of Colorado senator Gary Hart.
- "Wait a minute, it's Warhol's Factory!"
- "Bennies! Dexies!"
Joel is referring to various slang terms used by pill abusers.
- "With whipped cream!" "And other delights!"
- "Sounds like the music from The Ghost and Mr. Chicken!"
The Ghost and Mr. Chicken was a 1966 movie starring Don Knotts.
- "Hey, it's the Bugaloos!"
- "I want my MTV..."
- Joel (as Voldar):"I like you, that's why I'm going to kill you last"
A nearly verbatim line from the movie Commando starring Arnold Schwarzenegger.
- "Santa Claus, you seem to have a nasty habit of surviving"
A paraphrased line from the movie Octopussy, said to James Bond.
- "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!"
Reference to a repeated phrase in a well-known sketch from Monty Python's Flying Circus.
- Crow: "How ironic, I'm a victim of circumstance" Joel and the bots then chime: "Hello, hello, hello.....hello!"
References to The Three Stooges.
- The Martians look through a telescope and the image shown resembles a snow globe to which Servo replies, "Rosebud" and makes a glass breaking sound in reference to a scene in Citizen Kane.
- "Old man, take a look at my elf, I'm a lot like you."
A play on the the lyrics to the song Old Man by Neil Young: "Old man, take a look at my life, I'm a lot like you."
- Santa Claus: "Oh me, oh my..." Servo: "By the bayou, me-oh, my-oh".
This is a reference to the song "Jambalaya (On the Bayou) " by Hank Williams, released in 1952, which includes such lyrics as "Dress in style, go hog wild, me oh my oh. Son of a gun, we'll have big fun on the bayou".
- "Duh duh duh duh POW! Duh duh duh duh ZING! Duh duh OOF! Duh POW!! Duh duh CHOKE!"
Servo is mocking the fight scenes from the old Adam West Batman show, which had sound effect words imposed on top of the fights like the sound effects from fight scenes in the comic book.
- "Some thing is wrong on Saturn 3!"
Saturn 3 is a 1980 sci-fi movie that takes place on a space ship where an android (built and programmed by a psychopath played by Harvey Keitel) runs amok.
- "Until next time, Bumpus."
"Bumpus" was the name of the unsophisticated neighbor family in the film A Christmas Story. Their dogs were especially noisy and unruly.
- Commercially released on DVD by Rhino Entertainment as part of MST3K: The Essentials, a double-disc set which featured this episode and the previously released Manos: The Hands of Fate. As a limited time special offer, if ordered off a specially created Rhino website, a bonus disc of Shorts Vol 3 was also included with the set.
- Re-released in 2018 by Shout! Factory as part of Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Singles Collection.
|preceded by: Season 2||MST3K Season 3||followed by: Season 4|
|1991 - 1992|
|301||Cave Dwellers||1991-06-01||309||The Amazing Colossal Man||1991-08-03||317||The Saga of the Viking Women...||1991-10-26|
|302||Gamera||1991-06-08||310||Fugitive Alien||1991-08-17||318||Star Force: Fugitive Alien II||1991-11-16|
|303||Pod People||1991-06-08||311||It Conquered the World||1991-08-24||319||War of the Colossal Beast||1991-11-30|
|304||Gamera vs Barugon||1991-06-22||312||Gamera vs Guiron||1991-09-07||320||The Unearthly||1991-12-14|
|305||Stranded in Space||1991-06-29||313||Earth vs the Spider||1991-09-14||321||Santa Claus Conquers/Martians||1991-12-21|
|306||Time of the Apes||1991-07-13||314||Mighty Jack||1991-09-21||322||Master Ninja I||1992-01-11|
|307||Daddy-O (episode)||1991-07-20||315||Teenage Cave Man||1991-11-09||323||The Castle of Fu Manchu||1992-01-18|
|308||Gamera vs Gaos||1991-07-27||316||Gamera vs Zigra||1991-10-19||324||Master Ninja II||1992-01-25|