And now a Deep 13 holiday presentation, Pia Zadora in: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. Shield your eyes, Frank!
- Dr. Forrester

The Movie[]

Main article: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (film)


Martians abduct Santa Claus and two Earth children in an attempt to bring joy to the children of Mars. Antics ensue.

The Episode[]

Host Segments[]


Prologue: The Bots pore over expensive Christmas catalogs and tell Joel what they want for Christmas.

Segment One (Invention Exchange): The Mads reveal their devastating holiday invention, the Wish Squisher, which can turn any cool present into something horrifically lame. Joel and the Bots demonstrate their own Misfit Toys, including Mr. Mashed Potato Head and the board game adaptation of Patrick Swayze's Road House.

Segment Two: Crow writes his own Christmas carol, "(Let's Have) A Patrick Swayze Christmas". Due to some violent lyrics, Joel is not impressed.

Segment Three: Joel tricks Frank into sending up more Christmas specials. Some are good, and some are really, really bad.


Segment Four: The SOL reads their Christmas essays. Crow reads "A Christmas Editorial", Tom reads the classic "A Child's Christmas in Space", Joel reads about 70's office parties, and Gypsy says it all.


Gypsy provides a Nativity scene to cheer everyone up

Segment Five: The crew sings their own version of "Angels We Have Heard on High", goes through their stockings, and reads a nice holiday letter, while the Mads exchange gifts.

Stinger: Voldar laughs derisively.

MST3K Cast[]



Obscure References[]

  • "This is really cheap animation—Clutch Cargo was better than this!"
Clutch Cargo is a television series notorious for its simplistic animation. The most striking example of this is the way the characters' mouths were "animated" simply by superimposing the filmed mouths of the actors performing the lines.
  • "Hi kids, this is Andy Henderson at the North Pole!" "No you're not, you're Rip Taylor."
Rip Taylor was a flamboyant comedian who was a fixture on 1970s TV shows like The Gong Show.
  • "Gaddafi?"
One of the Martians is named Momar, recalling Colonel Muammar Gaddafi, the dictator of Libya from 1969 to 2011.
  • Kimar tells his children to go to bed and Crow responds in a little girl voice, "Will you buy me a Golden Globe then?"
The little Martian girl was Pia Zadora's first role, but she is probably most famous for winning a Golden Globe for the 1982 film Butterfly, even though it was a flop. Her husband was accused of buying off the judges to get the award and she was also awarded "Razzies" as "Worst New Star" and "Worst Actress" in the 1982 Golden Raspberry Awards. She won more "Worst Actress" awards, and the Golden Raspberry Awards later named her Worst New Star of the Decade (1980–1989).
  • "And desperate problems require desperate deeds!..." "DONE DIRT CHEAP!"
Joel is referencing the AC/DC song "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap".
  • "Their ship runs on a Simon game."
  • "Stratego."
  • "You sunk my Battleship!"
These are all games of one type or another. Simon and Battleship are made by the Milton Bradley Company. Stratego is made by Hasbro. The former is now a wholly owned subsidiary of the latter.
  • But first a tour of Paisley Park!"
Paisley Park is Prince's former estate and recording complex in Chanhassen, Minnesota. It is now open to the public as a memorial and museum dedicated to Prince following his death on April 21, 2016.
  • "I want those kids dead! I want Santa's house burned to the ground!"
Servo is paraphrasing Robert De Niro as Al Capone in The Untouchables.
  • "Are you sure it's not The Fish Who Saved Pittsburgh?"
The Fish That Saved Pittsburgh is a 1979 movie starring Gabe Kaplan and basketball great Julius Erving.
  • "It's Big Jim McLain!"
Big Jim McLain is a 1952 movie starring John Wayne.
  • "You! Get Donna Rice on the phone! I'll get a camera!"
Donna Rice Hughes is a child online safety advocate who was at the center of a sex scandal that ended the 1988 presidential ambitions of former Colorado senator Gary Hart.
  • "Wait a minute, it's Warhol's Factory!"
During the 1960s, artist Andy Warhol was based out of a New York studio he called The Factory.
  • "I want my MTV..."
Servo is imitating Sting's backing vocals for the Dire Straits song "Money for Nothing".
  • "Santa Claus, you seem to have a nasty habit of surviving."
A paraphrased line from the movie Octopussy, said to James Bond.
  • Crow: "How ironic, I'm a victim of circumstance." Joel and the bots then chime: "Hello, hello, hello.....hello!"
References to The Three Stooges.
  • The Martians look through a telescope and the image shown resembles a snow globe to which Servo replies, "Rosebud" and makes a glass breaking sound in reference to a scene in Citizen Kane.
  • "Now..." "is the winter of our discontent. Made glor—"
Servo is quoting the first two lines of William Shakespeare's Richard III: "Now is the winter of our discontent / Made glorious summer by this sun of York."
  • "And now Red in the silent spot."
"The Silent Spot" is a segment that appeared in the later episodes of The Red Skelton Show which involved one of Red's pantomime characters.
  • "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!"
Reference to a repeated phrase in a well-known sketch from Monty Python's Flying Circus.
  • Santa Claus: "Oh me, oh my..." Servo: "By the bayou, me-oh, my-oh."
This is a reference to the song "Jambalaya (On the Bayou)" by Hank Williams, released in 1952, which includes such lyrics as "Dress in style, go hog wild, me oh my oh. Son of a gun, we'll have big fun on the bayou."
  • "Old man, take a look at my elf, I'm a lot like you."
A play on the the lyrics to the song "Old Man" by Neil Young: "Old man, take a look at my life, I'm a lot like you."
  • "Before this decade is out, we will bring Santa back from Mars."
In 1961, President John F. Kennedy made a speech in which he proposed that the U.S. "should commit itself to achieving the goal, before this decade is out, of landing a man on the Moon and returning him safely to the Earth."
  • Joel (as Voldar):"I like you, that's why I'm going to kill you last."
A nearly verbatim line from the movie Commando starring Arnold Schwarzenegger.
  • "Kimar is the Savings Place!"
"The Savings Place" was an advertising slogan used by Kmart during the 1980s.
  • "They've been reading The Bell Jar!"
The Bell Jar is an autobiographical novel about mental illness—major depression, written by Sylvia Plath.
  • "Bennies! Dexies!"
Joel is referring to various slang terms used by pill abusers.
  • "With whipped cream!" "And other delights!"
Whipped Cream & Other Delights is a 1965 album by Herb Alpert & Tijuana Brass.
  • "Sounds like the music from The Ghost and Mr. Chicken!"
The Ghost and Mr. Chicken is a 1966 movie starring Don Knotts.
  • "Something is wrong on Saturn 3!"
This is a paraphrase of the tagline from Saturn 3, a 1980 sci-fi movie that takes place on a space station where a malevolent eight-foot robot runs amok. The full line is "Something is watching... waiting... and wanting... on Saturn 3".
  • "Hey, it's the Bugaloos!"
The Bugaloos is a TV show produced by Sid and Marty Krofft about a rock group comprised of anthropomorphic bugs.
  • "Duh duh duh duh POW! Duh duh duh duh ZING! Duh duh OOF! Duh POW!! Duh duh CHOKE!"
Servo is copying the fight scenes from the old Adam West BatmanTV show, which had sound effect words imposed on top of the fights like the sound effects from fight scenes in a comic book.
  • "Until next time, Bumpus."
"Bumpus" is the name of the unsophisticated neighbor family in the film A Christmas Story. Their dogs were especially noisy and unruly.

Video Release[]