(Carrie drones on while Max listens wearily)

You know you're boring when you're boring a Van Patten.

- Joel

The Movie[]

Main article: Master Ninja II (film)


Apprentice ninja Max Keller and his instructor John Peter McAllister help a small-town union organizer, then thwart terrorists at a high-society garden party.

The Episode[]

Host Segments[]


The SOL crew show off van ideas

Prologue: Joel and the Bots improvise using suggestions from Gypsy (at Cream of Wheat, doing Peter Gabriel and Anger walks in).

Segment One (Invention Exchange): The Mads present their Conveyor-belt Buffet, where the food moves too fast for the patron (Frank) to eat it. The similarity to a famous episode of I Love Lucy is noted. Joel and the Bots demonstrate Gerbilsphere 2, a supposedly self-sustaining gerbil habitat which is revealed to have some flaws.

Segment Two: The Bots show off their ideas for custom vans.

Segment Three: Crow as General Timothy Van Patton.


Crow as General Timothy Van Patton.

Segment Four: Tom explains how different detectives (and other crime-fighting type characters) should have pets that are suited to them.

Segment Five: The SOL crew plays with a Lee Van Cleef foam core dress up doll and reads a letter from a film student. TV's Frank pleads with the viewers to petition ABC for the return of The Second Hundred Years.

Stinger: Lee Van Cleef looks smug with a hamster.

MST3K Cast[]



Obscure References[]

  • "There's no Kosugi like Sho Kosugi, there's no Kosugi I know."

Parody of "There's No Business Like Show Business" by Irving Berlin.

  • "Do not take the green acid!"

A misquote ("Do not take the brown acid") of an announcement made at the Woodstock music festival.

  • "Hey look on the wall, it's Milton Berle's netted slingshot briefs."

A reference to the notorious rumor that popular television comedian Milton Berle was exceptionally well-endowed in terms of his masculine equipment.

  • "You're very nosy, kitty kat. You know what we do to nosy people?"

A reference to a famous scene in the movie Chinatown, in which Jake Gittes (played by Jack Nicholson) gets his nose sliced open with a switchblade by a thug played by director Roman Polanski.

  • "Why me? Why me all the time?"

Quoted from Harvey Lembeck's character Eric Von Zipper from the American-International Beach Party movie series.

  • "I'm the guy with the snake on my face!"

Quoted from Harry, a character played by John Candy on SCTV.

  • "What's this?! The end of Master Ninja?! Tune in tomorrow: same ninja time! Same ninja station!" "Is it curtains for Van Patten?"

Mimicking William Dozier's narration for the Batman TV series.

  • "The Stephen King book club."

The Stephen King Library was a mail-order book club that sent its members works by the popular horror author. It was advertised on television during the early 1990s. At least one commercial depicted the books rising out of the ground in a graveyard.

  • "Xanadu, stately home of Charles Foster Kane! Cost: no one can say."

Reference to Citizen Kane.

  • "She threw on a dashiki and blew my ninja mind."

Tom is saying a variation on a line from the trailer from the 1970s blaxploitation film Ghetto Freaks. The original line refers to an incident in which "...a freaked-out white chick in a dashiki blew his mind" (see also Episode #802).


A quote from the Simpsons episode "Saturdays of Thunder" which contains an action movie parody in which an Arnold Schwartzenegger-type yells the name of his enemy in frustration.

  • "Third Base!"

Reference to Abbott and Costello's "Who's on First?" routine.

  • "Hey, A Shot in the Dark."

A Shot in the Dark is a 1964 British-American comedy film directed by Blake Edwards. It is the second installment in The Pink Panther film series, with Peter Sellers as Inspector Jacques Clouseau.

  • "Before you put your coats on the top peg."

A quote from the "Sex Education" scene in Monty Python's The Meaning of Life.

  • "You're in it now, up to your neck!"

Spoken by Gregory Peck in The Guns of Navarone.

  • "Michael, I need to be on the set of St. Elsewhere by 11."

Actor William Daniels, who provided the voice of the talking car called KITT on the TV adventure series Knight Rider, also played Dr. Mark Craig on St. Elsewhere.

  • "No tears and no hearts breaking, no remorse."

A quote from the chorus of the Steely Dan song "Haitian Divorce".

  • "He's a man with a plan, he's a ninja!..."

Tom sings an extended riff on the song "Keep Your Eye on the Sparrow".

Video Releases[]


Autographed DVD cover