(After being tied up and turned into an "atomic superman", Dr. Vornoff breaks out of the leather straps that bind him to the table) Oh no, now he has the strength of twenty heroin addicts!

- Crow

The Short[]




The short "Hired!"

A Chevrolet sales manager is having poor results with his staff, so he gets some advice from his father.


The Movie[]

Main article: Bride of the Monster (film)


An intrepid female reporter investigates a mad scientist who is attempting to harness atomic energy to turn people into superhuman monsters.

The Episode[]

Host Segments[]


Joel sees what Crow dreams about

Prologue: Joel connects a machine to Crow's brain to see what he dreams about. It involves money and Tom Servo in a candy striper's outfit, much to Joel's chagrin.

Segment One (Invention Exchange): Dr. F is displeased with Frank's attitude, giving him the opportunity to demonstrate the Tough Love Seat. Joel and the Bots have Microwave Faith Popcorn, which predicts trends of the future.

Hired! The Musical

Hired! The Musical

Segment Two: Joel and the Bots perform "Hired! The Musical".


Willy the Waffle

Segment Three: Joel, Crow, and Tom begin by discussing the octopus from the film. Somehow the conversation wanders to cold tater tots and olive loaf. Everyone is grossed out and confused.

Segment Four: Willy the Waffle returns, this time to defend advertising.

Segment Five: Cambot re-edits the ending of the movie so it makes more sense, with Joel and the Bots playing Bela’s part. They read a letter. The Mads pretend to be Bela and Tor. Frank is disturbed.

Stinger: Bela's face as he's being shot by the police during the climax.

MST3K Cast[]



Obscure References[]

  • "Turn it off! Turn it OFFFFFF..."
Tom Servo's reaction to Crow's dream references the reaction George C. Scott's character had to seeing his daughter in a porn movie in the film Hardcore.
  • "Hey isn't that the John Belushi biography?"
A reference to the book Wired: The Short Life and Fast Times of John Belushi by journalist Bob Woodward.
  • "Jam Handy to the Rescue."
A reference to the song "Jim Dandy", sometimes known as "Jim Dandy to the Rescue".
  • "Why does he have to read The Joy Luck Club?"
The Joy Luck Club is a book by Amy Tan which focuses on the lives of four Chinese American families.
  • "Cop Killer!"
A reference to a very controversial song released around the time this premiered, "Cop Killer" by Ice-T's band Body Count.
  • "Guess I shouldn't be trying to sell cars in Amish Country."
The Amish are a Christian religious denomination that are known for simple living, plain dress, and reluctance to adopt modern convenience, like cars.
  • "I have often walked down this street before..."
The first line from the song "On the Street Where You Live" from the musical My Fair Lady.
  • "Submitted for your approval..."
A reference to Rod Sterling's narration in The Twilight Zone.
  • "Twas Beauty confused the Beast."
A reference to a line from King Kong.
  • "Hey, Edna Ferber and Joseph Kennedy."
Edna Ferber was an American novelist, playwright and author. Joseph Kennedy was an American businessman, political figure and patriarch of the Kennedy family of politicians and socialites.
  • "Moon for the Misbegotten." "Death of a Sales Manager."
A Moon for the Misbegotten is a play by Eugene O'Neill. Death of a Salesman is a play by Arthur Miller.
  • "J'accuse!"
"J'accuse" ("I accuse") is an open letter published on January 13, 1898, in the newspaper L'Aurore by the influential writer Émile Zola. It accused the French government of antisemitism and unfairly convicting a Jewish person suspected of espionage.
  • "Bella Abzug is actually a lot scarier than Bela Lugosi"
Bella Savitsky Abzug (1920 - 1998) was an American attorney, Congressperson, social activist, and a leader of the Women's Movement. She was sometimes mocked for her physical features.
  • "I wonder who did his gowns for this one?"
Director Ed Wood was notorious for wearing women's clothing.
  • "Did you notice? No Hatfields?"
The Hatfields and McCoys (the latter being the surname of the movie's leading man and producer) were two rural families who engaged in a notorious long-running feud.
  • "I'm dead, Jim."
A reference to Dr. Leonard "Bones" McCoy from Star Trek who occasionally had to inform Captain James T. Kirk that a crew member had died.
  • "Movie-beater Paints, for bad American movies, like yours."
A reference to the Weatherbeater brand of paint and their advertising slogan.
  • "Just kiss him instead of talking him to death!"
An older neighbor makes a similar quip to young George Bailey about George's love interest Mary in It's a Wonderful Life.
  • "Look out Mr. Trevino!"
Lee Trevino is an American golfer who was struck by lightning at the 1975 Western Open.
  • "Hey, it's Boo Radley's house."
Boo Radley is a character in Harper Lee's novel To Kill a Mockingbird who is a well-known shut-in.
  • "Hi, it's Curt Gowdy. Can me and Phil Harris come in?"
Curt Gowdy was an American sportscaster who was also known for hosting a hunting program called The American Sportsman. One memorable episode featured Gowdy bird hunting with his friend, actor/bandleader Phil Harris.
  • "I just don't get that Gary Larson."
Gary Larson is the creator of the often esoteric and bizarre newspaper comic The Far Side.
  • "Your opium shipment's in Mr. Lugosi, sir."
Bela Lugosi was addicted to methadone and morphine, both opium derivatives.
  • "It's a sinister day in the laboratory, a sinister day in the lab."
A parody of the lyrics to the theme of the children's television series Mr. Rogers Neighborhood - "It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day for a neighbor". Mr. Rogers would sing this at the beginning of each show while changing from his work clothes into less formal attire.
  • "I'm terribly sorry, he's from Barcelona."
A reference to the British sitcom Fawlty Towers, in which the clumsy, easily-confused Spanish waiter Manuel was often being apologized for.
  • "I will love him and feed him and call him mine."
A reference to the Abominable Snowman in Warner Brothers cartoons (who says "I will love him and hold him and call him George" after capturing Bugs Bunny) who was inspired by the simpleton farmhand in John Steinbeck's novel Of Mice and Men.
  • "You're gonna be Myra Breckinridge!"
Myra Breckinridge is a satirical novel by Gore Vidal. Published in 1968, it deals with a man named Myron Breckinridge who transitions to being a woman (named Myra) by gender reassignment surgery. It was adapted into a film in 1970 starring Raquel Welch, Rex Reed, Mae West, and John Huston.
  • "You've got spunk. I hate spunk."
Line from the premiere episode of The Mary Tyler Moore Show, spoken by Lou Grant while he was conducting Mary's job interview.
  • "I remember when rock was young..."
A line from Elton John's song "Crocodile Rock."  
  • "Johnny Depp!"
An observation that a character resembles actor Johnny Depp from a certain angle. Depp was cast as Ed Wood in the biopic directed by Tim Burton a few months after this episode first aired.


Memorable Quotes[]

[Joel, Tom, Crow, and Gypsy are performing "Hired! The Musical".]
Bots: (in a whisper) He's hired. He's hired. He's hired. He's hired.
Joel: (singing) I'm hired.
Bots: He’s hired.
Joel: I hope I don't get fired.
Bots: He's hired.
Joel: In forty years I'll be retired. But for now, I'm simply hired.
Bots: He's hired. He's hired. He's hired. He's hired.
Joel: I got a job today.
Bots: He's hired.
Joel: I'm selling Chevrolets.
Bots: He's hired.
Joel: I'm bringing home good pay
Bots: He's hired.
Joel: I just got hired.
Bots: He's hired. He's hired. He's hired. He's hired. He got a job today.
Joel: Yeah, me!
Bots: He's selling Chevrolets.
Joel: We're gonna get awnings.
Bots: He's bringing home good pay.
Joel: Maybe even dessert. (at same time with bots next line) I just got hired.
Bots: He just got hired.

(music changes)

Joel: I was wondering if you'd like to see my--
Gypsy: No!
Joel: But I really think you should see my--
Tom: No!
Joel:: It's got a lovely--
Gypsy: No!
Joel:: And if only you would--
Crow: No!
Bots: Can't you see we're trying to tell you no!

(music changes)

Tom: (spoken) Ahh. (singing) Zeros, zeros. None of my salesmen has ever sold a car. Sometimes I think I might be pushing them too far. I think I'll hit the bar,And try to get my mind off zeros.
Gypsy: Zeros.
Tom: Zeros.
Gypsy: Zeros.
Tom: All of my salesmen are zeros.

(music changes)

Crow: Good evening, sonny
Tom: Hi, Dad.
Crow: You look depressed.
Tom: I am.
Gypsy:: Come on and have some lemonade.
Tom: Thanks, Mom, but that won't help.
Crow:: Just get it off your chest.
Tom: Okay... I suck at my job.
Crow: No, you don't.
Tom: Yes, I do.
Gypsy:: Oh, my.
Tom: My salesmen are slobs.
Crow:: No, they aren't.
Tom:: Yes, they do.
Crow and Gypsy:: Huh?
Tom:: I'd like to make a sale, but what can I do? I'm gonna be a failure just like you, Dad.
Crow:: Like me?
Tom:: That's right, I'll be a failure just like you!

Crow: (spoken) Why, you, son of a ragalfragen...
Joel:: (spoken) Extry, extry, read all about it! Pearl Harbor bombed! Roosevelt declares war!
Tom:: (spoken) Well, that's it!
Crow:: What's it?
Tom:: Uncle Sam's gonna need cars. Why, selling Chevrolets is gonna help the war effort. Don't ya see, Dad? Come on everybody!
All:: (singing) See the U.S.A. in your Chev--
Joel::(spoken) Stop! We got Commercial Sign.
Tom:: (spoken) For crying out loud!
Crow:: (spoken) What's the point?
Joel:: Commercial Sign.

Hired! Part 1 (short)[]

[The short's title screen appears: "Chevrolet presents: HIRED!"]
Crow: Well, that's something you didn't hear much during the Bush administration.
[After speaking with Jimmy, Mr. Warren prepares some paperwork with concern.]
Servo [as Warren]: Hmm. I didn't know he had a prison record. Says here he's wanted in Idaho.
Joel [as Warren]: Hmm? What in the world?! "Assault with a deadly weapon"?!
Crow [as Warren]: A.K.A., the "Pantsless Salesman"? Or the "Piddling Peddler"?!

Bride of the Monster (movie)[]

[Crow reads Edward D. Jr.'s name in the credits.]
Crow: Mr. Wood's wardrobe by MRS. Wood!
[Lobo (Tor Johnson) scares away some people during a rainstorm, his mouth agape]
Crow: Tor! Close your mouth before you drown!
["Steve" fires his rifle on the octopus grabbing poor "Roy."]
Joel: Did you ever hear of "Friendly Fire!?"
[Lobo grabs one of the two hunters when the other gets killed by the octopus]
Crow: I will hug him and feed him and call him Mine.
[After being tied up and turned into an "atomic superman", Dr. Vornoff breaks out of the leather straps that bind him to the table.]
Crow: Oh no, now he has the strength of twenty heroin addicts!
[Dr. Vornoff and his octopus monster go up in a nuclear blast. The good guys look on in horror and dismay.]
Capt. Robbins[solemnly] He tampered in God's domain.
Crow: Oh great, the nutty birdman from Apartment 4B is gonna give us a religious insight.
[With the experiment over; Servo bitterly reads the actors' names off the end credits.]
Servo: Uh Loser... Loser... Loser... Harvey B. "Loser"... George Bec "Loser"... Paul "Loser" Marco... Don "The Big Loser" Nagel... Bud "Big Ol Loser" Osborne... John "Wanking Loser" Warren... Ann... Aw for crying out loud! AGGH!
Crow: ...But "The Drunk" was good. Ben Frommer.
Servo: "The Drunk" was real good!
[Joel and the bots prepare to recreate the climactic scene between Bela Legosi and the good guys.]
Joel: Cambot believes that he can re-edit the film better than Ed Wood Jr. and we're going to help him.
Crow: Bu-bu-but Joel that's NOT what Cambot thinks. Cambot thinks that that "Candy Butt" Ed Wood edits like he's got his head crammed up his...
Joel: Crow!!

Video Releases[]