"Now, is this the real Old West, or the Roy Rogers Old West where they had electricity and cars?"
- Crow

The Short[]

Body Care and Grooming



A short aimed at older teens/college students explaining why bathing and good personal hygiene are things to consider.


The Movie[]

Main article: The Painted Hills (film)


A prospector is betrayed by his partner and must be avenged by his faithful dog.

The Episode[]

Host Segments[]


The Bots challenge the message of the movie.

Prologue: Crow is Jay Leno, complete with oversized chin, Tom Servo is his musical director, and Gypsy and Joel are the audience. Crow has lots of punchlines about Congress and sex.

Segment One: Dr. F presents the Cholester-Do All, a device that harnesses the power of Frank's heart to power various electric appliances. Joel and the Bots demonstrate Back-talk, a device that records regular old memos backwards, inspired by backwards masking. The combination of fatty foods and appliance power drain finally sends Frank into cardiac arrest as Dr. F sends the movie.

Segment Two: Moderated by Gypsy, Crow and Tom have a formal debate about the attractiveness of the slovenly young woman in the short. Crow represents sloppy, seeing her as a rebel against conformity, while Servo prefers her cleanliness as a sign that she hides her true identity. Joel decides Crow is right, and the debates devolves into a spitting contest.


Cholester-Do All

Segment Three: Joel and the Bots present term papers on bearded guys who resemble the prospector in the movie. The highlight is Crow’s strange and poorly-researched paper on Rutherford B. Hayes. Crow is probably going to be held back a year.

Segment Four: Tom has crushed and melted Crow into an ingot, thinking he is made of gold, but it turns out that Crow is essentially worthless when broken down into his base components. Joel points out that snack items are probably more valuable than Crow and extrudes him.

Segment Five: The gang judges Lassie's vigilante actions in the movie. Joel defends her, while the Bots attempt to bring her to justice for her crimes. Joel finally points out human laws don't apply to animals. Back in Deep 13, Dr. F tries and fails to revive Frank.

Stinger: The Body Care and Grooming girl flirtatiously hangs up her towel as she gets into the shower.

MST3K cast[]


  • Joel and the Bots mis-hear the character Pilot Pete's name as "Pile-On Pete", and thus not only refer to him as such, but make several riffs about Pete "piling on" other characters. It's only when Joel sees the correct name in the end credits that he realizes they've been getting the name wrong.
  • A rarity: the stinger is from the short, rather than the movie.


Obscure References[]

  • "Wilbur Mills and Fanne Fox are calling."

In 1974, the powerful Arkansas congressman Wilbur Mills became embroiled in scandal when he was caught in a drunken escapade with stripper Fanne Fox (whose real name was Annabel Battistella), with whom he had a long-term attachment.

  • "Thus ends a day in the life of Ivan Denisovich!"

One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich is an Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn novel about political prisoners in Stalinist Russia.

  • "Keep watching the medicine cabinet! KEEP WATCHING THE MEDICINE CABINET!" "You're next! YOU'RE NEXT!"

Joel and Crow are imitating Kevin McCarthy in Invasion of the Body Snatchers.

  • "The Painted Hills - The Christo Story!"

Christo was an artist known for elaborate outdoor installations.

  • "Hey, isn't that the song that Big Bird sang about the alphabet?"

Big Bird is an eight-foot tall canary on the children's television program Sesame Street. One of his signature songs involves him mistaking the alphabet for one long word and wondering what it could mean.

  • "Alive. My Side of the Mountain. The Eiger Sanction."

Tom is listing films that feature mountain locations.

  • "She ran calling Wildfire..."

This line is part of the chorus of the song "Wildfire", which was recorded by Michael Martin Murphey in 1975. In it, a young woman runs off into a blizzard to seek her lost pony, which she named Wildfire. The woman and the pony die and the singer is haunted by their memory.

  • "There’s trouble on the Mackenna’s Gold set!"

Mackenna’s Gold is a 1969 western film starring Gregory Peck and Omar Sharif, wherein a discovery of gold corrupts a group of people. Ted Cassidy (of The Addams Family) and Julie Newmar (of Star Trek and the 1960s Batman TV series) also have supporting roles.

  • "Please sir, can I have some more?"

A line from Oliver Twist when the titular character asks for more food in the orphanage.

  • "Tommy!" "Can you hear me?"

A lyric from The Who rock opera Tommy.

  • "Two things I love above all else-" "-Larry and Balki."

Larry and Balki are the main characters from the long-running TV sitcom Perfect Strangers.

  • "Uhh, Mr. Weatherwax, what's the matter with me here?"

Said as Lassie glances off-screen, as though looking to its handler for advice. Rudd Weatherwax was one of the original handlers of Pal, the dog who played Lassie in seven MGM films until 1951. Several of Pal's descendants continued to play Lassie in subsequent films until the 1990s, and these were also handled by later generations of the Weatherwax family.

  • "Oh Lassie, come out and PLAY-AY!!!"

This paraphrases a line from the 1979 movie The Warriors, which is about rival street gangs.

  • "Probably having hallucinations about a little wagon coming out of the kitchen cabinets!"

A reference to a series of commercials for Chuck Wagon dog food that aired during the early 1980s.

  • "I love my dead gay son!"

A quote from the macabre comedy movie Heathers, about high school students who murder their tormentors.

  • "Hey, what are ya, Claudine Longet?"

Singer Claudine Longet (former wife of pop star Andy Williams) was convicted of misdemeanor negligent homicide when she fatally shot her Olympic skier boyfriend.

  • "This is where Holmes met his end at Reichenbach Falls."

The Reichenbach Falls are a series of waterfalls in central Switzerland. Fictional consulting detective Sherlock Holmes famously battled his arch-nemesis Professor Moriarty at the cliffs there in Arthur Conan Doyle's The Adventure of the Final Problem and plummeted into the falls to his death. Despite of this attempt to kill off Holmes in a blaze of glory, he was "resurrected" ten years later due to immense pressure from fans.

  • "Muh mouf's bleedin, Bert!"

Crow is impersonating Jimmy Stewart, paraphrasing a line from the end of It's A Wonderful Life.

Video releases[]