She'd say 'He's not mine! You can't prove it!'
- Crow responding to a lyric in the movie's theme song

Mitchell is the 12th episode of the 5th season of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and the 108th episode overall. It premiered on October 23, 1993. It is the final appearance of Joel Hodgson as a series regular and introduces Michael J. Nelson as Mike Nelson.

The Movie[]

Main article: Mitchell (film)


MST3k Mitchell conversation

The boys guffaw at Mitchell.

Mitchell, a slovenly and cantankerous police detective, is assigned to monitor a successful businessman who is suspected of being involved with a drug-smuggling operation. This case intersects with Mitchell's investigation of another seemingly-upstanding citizen who killed a burglar. Mitchell also becomes romantically involved with a prostitute.

The Episode[]

Host Segments[]


First appearance of Mike

Prologue: Joel has painstakingly fashioned a replica of Monticello out of toothpicks. The Bots want to destroy it, though when Joel says that he wants them to destroy it, they lose interest... momentarily.

Segment One (Invention Exchange): In Deep 13, the Mads are being audited by the Fraternal Order of Mad Science, so they’ve hired a temp by the name of Mike to help them get organized. Joel quickly shows his Daktari stool.


Daktari stool

Segment Two: While Joel, Crow, and Tom are involved in an Outward Bound-type exercise, Gypsy overhears the Mads plotting the most painful way to fire Mike, but mistakenly assumes they’re planning to kill Joel. This segment features an homage to the 'lip reading' scene in 2001.

Segment Three: A worried Gypsy tries to think of a way to get Joel off the Satellite of Love; Crow and Tom, on pogo sticks and singing old TV theme songs, are no help whatsoever.


Joel Escapes

Segment Four: Gypsy turns to Mike in Deep 13 for help. Mike learns of a hidden escape pod (in a crate marked "Hamdingers"), and tricks Frank out of his keys so that Gypsy can gain control.

Segment Five: Joel's letter-reading is interrupted when he is ejected into the escape pod, leaving behind a plaque with a quote from the film The Seven Faces of Dr. Lao.[1] The bots panic. Monitoring the situation from Deep 13, Frank and Dr. Forrester observe that Joel lands safely on Earth, somewhere in Australia. Forrester is furious until Mike presents his time card. The segment ends with Dr. F. asking Mike what size jumpsuit the young man wears.


The Mads get an idea on how to replace Joel

Stinger: "You’re lying through your teeth!" "Buzz off, huh?!" "Buzz off!" "BUZZ OFF, KID!!!"

MST3K cast[]

Regular cast

Guest cast


  • Joel Hodgson's last appearance as Joel Robinson (until Episode 1001).
  • This episode was screened at several colleges before its broadcast.
  • According to the Mystery Science Theater 3000 Amazing Colossal Episode Guide, actor Joe Don Baker was very angry at the MST3K treatment of Mitchell and threatened physical violence on any of the cast or crew should he ever meet them in person. This did not stop them from later featuring another Joe Don Baker film, Final Justice. Kevin Murphy later said Baker likely meant his comments in a joking manner. On the Shout! Factory disc of Future War, the subject of Joe Don Baker comes up in a video of their 2008 Comic Con panel. It was explained by Mike Nelson that "...we brought [Mitchell] up, we were doing a press conference, so every reporter called him. So he got like sixty calls in a row from reporters asking, 'Do you really hate the guys from Mystery Science Theater?' ...Finally at call thirty-two he's like, 'Yes! Die! I hate them!!' So it really is in quotes in the paper that he does actually want to kick our ass."(To which Kevin Murphy replied, "I say bring it on, sweet-cheeks. Yeah, you're gonna pull back to swing, spill your drink, and trip over your arm-candy. I know you, Joe Don.")
  • Ranked 3rd in the Top 100 Episodes as chosen by backers of the Bring Back MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 campaign.
  • This episode aired thirteenth during Turkey Day '93, second during Turkey Day '94, third during MST3K Anthology, the sixth and last during Turkey Day '13, fourth during Turkey Day '16, and sixth and last during Turkey Day '19.



  • At the first Movie Sign, Joel throws the Daktari Stool in the air. Kevin Murphy can be heard yelling "OW!" when the stool lands on him.
  • As the bots panic at the end of the episode, Tom loses his head and Crow loses his net and eyes, although this seems to be treated as an understandable consequence of their distress.

Running Jokes[]

  • Due to the light nature of the film's musical score, Tom Servo frequently the adopts the cadence of the narration of an industrial film, touting the accomplishments of the company 3M.

Quotes & References[]

  • "It's a Daktari stool!"
From Joel Hodgson's Facebook page: "[T]he "Daktari Stool" in the invention exchange is a reference to a 60's TV show Daktari AND a question in the Meyers Briggs personality assessment test about a having "dark tarry stools".[1]
  • "My project from Evil-O's!"
A more sinister variation on Webelos, the highest level of Cub Scouting.
  • "The Martha Mitchell Story!"
Martha Mitchell was the wife of John Mitchell, the Attorney General of the United States under the Nixon administration. Before Watergate, her suspicions about her husband's unethical activities on behalf of the President were dismissed as symptoms of mental illness.
  • "Who’s the puffy guy who’s a big blurry sex machine?" "Mitchell!" "That Mitchell is one fat-" "Shut yo’ mouth!" "Just talkin’ bout Mitchell."
A spoof of the Academy Award winning theme song from the 1971 Richard Roundtree movie Shaft.
  • "It was the third of September/That day I'll always remember..."
The opening line from the Temptations song "Papa Was a Rollin' Stone".
  • "Mitchell's on the corner..."
Paraphrased from "Freddie's Dead", a song by Curtis Mayfield from the Superfly soundtrack.
  • Tom Servo: "We've hidden the Mitchell somewhere in this picture." Crow: "Mitchell, will you stand up please?" (makes gunshot noise)
A reference to the Monty Python sketch, "How Not to Be Seen", which involves people being shot/blown up as soon as their hiding places are revealed.
  • "The lunatic is on the grass (laugh)(laugh)..."
The opening line from the Pink Floyd song "Brain Damage".
  • "It's not for me to say..."
After Crow notes the resemblance between the thief in Deaney's house and Johnny Mathis, Tom sings a line from Mathis' popular 1957 song "It's Not For Me To Say".
  • "Al Noga?!"
Al Noga is a Hawaiian-born football player.
  • "Doctor Detroit!"
Doctor Detroit is a 1983 movie starring Dan Aykroyd in which he poses as a pimp.
  • "Hey! Lucas McCain lives here!"
Lucas McCain is the hero of the Western TV series The Rifleman.
  • "...oh, a GoldStar."
GoldStar was a brand of inexpensive consumer electronics manufactured in South Korea.
  • "Wait a minute, I think maybe The Snoop Sisters are in there."
The Snoop Sisters aired as part of the NBC "wheel" series Wednesday Mystery Movie in the 1973-74 season. It centered around a pair of elderly sisters who solved mysteries.
  • "Yeah, I'm gonna get a series before Stuart Margolin."
Stuart Margolin was best known for the recurring role of Evelyn "Angel" Martin on The Rockford Files. While John Saxon did have an extensive career on TV, he did not have a recurring role on a TV series until he played Rashid Ahmed on Dynasty in the 1980s.
Walter Deaney (John Saxon) is seen talking on a red phone, much like the phone used to contact Batman in the hit 1966 Batman TV series starring Adam West.
  • "They arrested Harlan Ellison." "Good."
Harlan Ellison was a science fiction writer with a long list of credits and a reportedly difficult personality.
  • "I ought to buy him a pick-me-up bouquet"
Merlin Olson was a spokesman for FTD in the 1980s. The 'pick-me-up' bouquet was a popular item from the flower vendor.
  • "Somewhere, an Indian is crying."
A reference to an anti-littering commercial from the early 1970s in which a Native American man is shown shedding a tear because of garbage on the highway tossed out of passing cars.
  • "Chico, don't be discouraged..."
Servo is singing the theme song from the 1970s sitcom Chico and the Man. (This is likely a reference to the other detective's slight resemblance to Jack Albertson, who played "The Man.")
  • "I'm King Hussein!"
Hussein was the king of Jordan from 1952 until his death in 1999.
  • "Oh, you're a holiday..."
The opening line from the 1967 Bee Gees song "Holiday".
  • "Why are they playing 'Nadia's Theme'?" "He's young and restless!"
A comment on the music's similarity to "Nadia's Theme", best known as the theme for the soap opera The Young and the Restless.
  • "Keep your eye on the sammich..."
A slight modification of the song "Keep Your Eye on the Sparrow", sung by Sammy Davis Jr., and used as the theme to the 70s cop show Baretta.
  • "Sorry about the porn, there's a Kilgore Trout piece in there!"
Kilgore Trout, a recurring character in the works of Kurt Vonnegut, was a science fiction writer whose stories were typically published in "men's" magazines.
  • "Mobsters laughin', really smilin'/A man selling heroin..."
A slight variation on the actual lyrics of the Chicago song "Saturday in the Park".
  • "Hey, where's Ruth Buzzi?"
The 1960s TV comedy show Laugh-In often included sketches in which a frumpy spinster character played by Ruth Buzzi would receive unwanted amorous attention from a dirty old man character (typically played by Arte Johnson) in a public park setting.
  • "Larry Miller!"
Throughout the car chase, several references are made to the driver of the orange car resembling comedian Larry Miller. Miller had previously been referenced in Experiment #402.
  • "So, Merlin, do you know Roman Gabriel?"
Roman Gabriel was a former NFL quarterback & one-time teammate of Merlin Olsen.
  • "Movin' on up...!" "Weezy!"
These are references to the TV comedy The Jeffersons, which was about an African-American family who became financially successful and moved from a middle-class neighborhood to a luxury high-rise apartment. The phrase "movin' on up" was repeated throughout the opening theme song, and Louise "Weezy" Jefferson was one of the main characters.
  • "Adam Rich?!?"
As a child actor, Adam Rich co-starred on the TV series Eight is Enough as Nicholas, the youngest son. He looked similar to the young actor here.
  • "This way..." " Wall Drug."
Wall Drug is a tourist attraction in Wall, South Dakota, best known for billboards all over the upper Midwest giving the direction and distance to the store.
  • "Daryl Gates on his day off"
After having a disagreement with a man watching both Benton and James Arthur Cummings, Mitchell turns and shoots him in the back of the leg as he runs away. The comment is a reference to the scandal involving Daryl Gates, chief of the Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD) during the 1992 Los Angeles riots and his views regarding criminality.
  • "Oh no! Mr. Trevino's been hit again!"
Renowned professional golfer Lee Trevino was struck by lightning on June 27, 1975 while playing in the Western Open at Butler National Golf Club in Chicago, Illinois.
  • "It's The Servant by Harold Pinter."
The Servant is a 1963 film written by Harold Pinter, which deals with the increasingly complicated relationship between a wealthy man and the butler he hired.
  • "You really think so?" "I'm turning Japanese"
The hook from the 1980 song "Turning Japanese" by The Vapors.
  • "Schlitz will listen to me now."
Schlitz is a beer originally produced by the Joseph Schlitz Brewing Company of Milwaukee, Wisconsin. The brewery was acquired by the Stroh Brewery Company in 1982. Stroh's was subsequently sold to Pabst Brewing Company in 1999, who continue to produce Schlitz Beer.
  • "The inspiration for Cop and a Half."
A reference to the 1993 Burt Reynolds film Cop and A Half in which Reynolds' character (a police detective) is paired with a small child to work on a case.
  • "Eischied. Eischied."
Eischied was a short lived TV drama starring Joe Don Baker as the NYPD Chief of Detectives Earl Eischied.
  • "We are two Wild and Crazy Guys!"
The Festrunk Brothers ("Two Wild and Crazy Guys!") is a series of sketches from Saturday Night Live in the 70s, wherein Dan Aykroyd and Steve Martin play Yortuk and Georg Festrunk, two brothers who emigrated from Czechoslovakia to the United States. They have heavy accents and are constantly trying to pick up women.
  • "Oh, this must be Dateline NBC."
The NBC newsmagazine was sued for libel by General Motors after the show aired a report claiming that certain models of General Motors trucks had a production flaw that made them a combustion risk, though it was later proven that the show's producers had rigged the gas tank of one of the trucks they used in order to ensure that it would explode.
  • "Sweet Adeline..."
In the Marx Brothers film Monkey Business, the four brothers stow away on an ocean liner by hiding in barrels in the cargo hold. The crew suspects that there are four of them because the brothers can be heard singing "Sweet Adeline", a barbershop quartet standard.
  • "Take me to Wendy's. I'm meeting Clara Peller."
Clara Peller was an elderly woman who starred in a series of popular TV commercials for the fast-food burger chain Wendy's in the 1980s. Peller would look at a competitor's small hamburger patty and ask "Where's the beef?".
  • "Just keep drivin', Hoke."
Hoke was the name of the driver of the titular Miss Daisy in the Academy Award-winning film Driving Miss Daisy from 1989.
  • "Oh, I just felt the balloon break!"
One method of smuggling narcotics involves filling a common latex or rubber balloon with the illicit substances, then having the courier insert it into their rectum. They would then retrieve the narcotics after they pass through customs. This method carries some risk that the balloon may rupture and the courier would then suffer adverse effects from the narcotics.
  • "You're so stupid." "Thank you very much."
A henchman that is gunned down by Mitchell looks like Andy Kaufman's soft-spoken foreign character that he would portray in stand-up comedy performances. The two phrases referenced were often employed by this character (the former when he would imitate Archie Bunker). This character would later be adapted into Latka Gravas for the 1980's television sitcom Taxi.
  • "There went Bronson..."
A play on the title of the TV series Then Came Bronson, which was about a former news reporter who traveled America on a motorcycle.
  • "Mitchell will return in Where Angels Go, Trouble Follows!"
A reference to the "James Bond will return in..." taglines that frequently appear during the closing credits of James Bond movies (Joe Don Baker later co-starred in three James Bond movies). Where Angels Go, Trouble Follows was a 1968 comedy film about Catholic schoolgirls on a cross-country field trip.
  • "Wasn't John Saxon in this movie?"
The scene where John Saxon's character is killed was removed in the edited version used on Mystery Science Theater 3000.
  • "This makes Driving Miss Daisy look like Bullitt!"
Bullitt is a 1968 movie starting Steve McQueen that features an elaborate and highly-regarded car chase sequence.  In the film Driving Miss Daisy, the elderly Daisy initially refused to let her driver Hoke drive at speeds that she considered unsafe.
  • "We've got to close the beaches!"
A reference to the character Chief Brody in Jaws.
  • "Hey, it's the Starship Enterprise in dry-dock!"
The Starship Enterprise was the space-faring vessel in the first several incarnations of the Star Trek science fiction franchise. The common element in all of the designs of the various versions of the Enterprise was a large saucer-shaped section at the front of the ship. The domed building in the scene here slightly resembles the Enterprise from above.
  • "Now this looks positively Baywatch-ian."
Baywatch was a popular TV adventure show about lifeguards on a California beach.
  • "PT-90210..."
A combination of the titles PT-109 (which was a film about young John F. Kennedy's service aboard a Navy patrol boat in World War II) and Beverly Hills: 90210 (which was a TV drama about young people in an affluent part of Southern California).
  • "Hey, is that Paul Hogan in the middle?"
Paul Hogan is an Australian actor best-known for playing the character "Crocodile" Dundee.
  • "Boatniks 2: The Final Conflict..."
The Boatniks is a light-hearted comedy film from 1970 about a Coast Guard officer who falls in love with a woman who runs a sailing school. A group of bumbling jewel thieves complicates the situation.
  • "This is turning into an episode of Riptide."
Riptide is a TV adventure series from the mid-1980s about a trio of private investigators in Southern California. They sometimes used a boat during their cases.
  • "Donny Osmond all grown up."
Donny Osmond was a member of the wholesome performing family The Osmonds. In the late 1970s, he had some success as a young man with a popular musical-variety TV show that he hosted with his sister Marie. Donny was known for his thick dark hair and prominent teeth.
  • "Martin Balsam: The Dewar's Profile!"
A reference to a long-running series of magazine ads for Dewar's whiskey.
  • "Benton!?!" "...Harbor, Michigan"
Joel changes the character Benton's last name into the city known as Benton Harbor, Michigan.
  • "Benton!?!" "Da-dunn... Da-dunn..."
Tom mimics the well-known theme from the movie Jaws which indicated that the giant shark was nearby and an attack was imminent.
  • "You'll never take me alive, coppers..."
Crow is doing an impression of actor James Cagney, who was closely associated with criminal/mobster roles, such as in his film The Public Enemy. The phrase "you'll never take me alive, coppers" indicates that the suspect would rather be killed by police than face arrest, trial, and imprisonment.
  • "Oh, you're smart enough, Mitchell..."
Tom seems to be mimicking the vocal style the Jackie Gleason's character Ralph Kramden from the TV comedy The Honeymooners when he would mockingly deride his wife or his best friend.
  • "Let's rip off the last scene from Key Largo, Mitchell!"
Key Largo is a 1948 film noir about a World War II veteran who crosses paths with some mobsters. It ends with a confrontation on a boat between characters played by Humphrey Bogart and Edward G. Robinson (whom Martin Balsam resembles).
  • "Counselor?"
Reference to the 1991 remake of the film Cape Fear in which Robert DeNiro's character (a released convict) harasses his former attorney, whom he addresses by this title. Joe Don Baker and Martin Balsam had prominent roles in it.
  • "I'll never grow old, I'll never die, and I'll always eat oatmeal."
A reference to the 1985 science fiction film Cocoon, which featured actor Wilford Brimley who was also the spokesperson for Quaker Oats oatmeal.
  • "Mr. Roper? You home?"
Mr. Roper was the first of two landlords who were supporting characters on the TV comedy Three's Company. Mr. Roper lived upstairs from bachelor Jack Tripper and his two single female roommates, and Roper was often suspicious of the activities that went on in their apartment.
  • "Mitchell: License to Slouch."
A License to Kill can be issued by a government to its agents, meaning that they can kill during the course of their duties without serious repercussions. The concept is closely associated with the fictional British spy James Bond. License to Kill became the title of the sixteenth official James Bond feature film in 1989.
  • "Yanni, you're home!"
At the time of this episode's production, Linda Evans was in a public romantic relationship with popular New Age musician Yanni.
  • "John Tesh, I know you're in here..."
John Tesh is a television personality who was the co-host of the TV magazine show Entertainment Tonight from 1986 to 1996. He was also a successful musician who had performed with Yanni (see above).
  • "What, did you have Mickey Rourke over or something?"
Actor Mickey Roarke is known for his rough, often hard-drinking lifestyle, which would presumably make him a messy houseguest.
  • "Where's your Cheech & Chong album?"
Richard "Cheech" Marin and Tommy Chong are a comedy duo whose record albums and films often include overt references to marijuana use.
  • "Put 'em on your feet, give your dogs a treat. What a comfortable shoe!"
"Dogs" is a slang term for feet. A person might say that their feet are sore or hurting by using the expression "my dogs are barking".
  • "Joe Don Baker would be perfect for Elvis: The Dying Days."
At the end of his life, musician Elvis Presley was overweight and struggled with narcotics addiction. This eventually led to his death from a drug overdose.

Memorable Quotes[]

[The character of Mike Nelson has appeared for the first time, as a temp worker in Deep 13.]
Mike Nelson: Say, what is the deal with this guy and these cute robots?
Dr. Forrester: Here it is. Mitchell, starring Joe Don Baker.
Mike: You guys watch Joe Don Baker movies?
Dr. Forrester: Well, here it comes, Joel — Mitchell! It's a… super secret spy… uh, has a motorcycle… Marooned in Space… meets… Hercules… or not… uhhh… watch it and weep, Joel-Prole-Mole!
[The opening credits feature action shots of Mitchell to a disco beat.]
Servo [as Isaac Hayes]: Who's the puffy guy who's a big blurry sex machine?
Joel, Crow: Mitchell!
Servo [as Hayes]: That Mitchell is one fat s—
Joel, Crow: Shut yo' mouth!
Servo [as Hayes]: I'm just talkin' 'bout Mitchell!
[The camera slowly pans across a thickly tree-screened home at night.]
Servo: Ee-gah...
Crow: Shtemlo.
Joel: Watch out for snakes!
Servo [as Announcer]: We've hidden Mitchell somewhere in this picture...
Crow [as Announcer]: Mitchell, will you stand up, please?
Deaney [yelling at an intruder he has trapped in the house]: Hey!
Joel: What?
[Deaney shoots the intruder when he turns around]
Joel: Oh!
[Benton stops Mitchell from following Cummings into his home.]
Benton: No salesmen at this entrance.
Servo [as Mitchell]: But I'm not a salesman! I'm the Chubby Blue Line!
Mitchell (speaking on the radio): If I'm shot in the next couple of hours, I was unarmed when it happened. Log it, 55 out.
Crow [as Mitchell]: And speakin' of loggin' it, I better find a bush around here.
[Joel and the bots sing along to the Mitchell theme, playing as Mitchell runs away from Deaney after being in his house]
Joel: Mitchell, Mitchell
Servo: Eyeeeeee on the sammich...
Joel: Mitchell...
Servo: Heart's poundin...
Joel: Mitchell...
Servo: Veins cloggin'...
All: Mitchell!
[At the park, Mitchell shoots man in the leg.]
Crow: Daryl Gates on his day off.
Crow [as Golf Sportscaster]: He's landed just short of the green.
Servo [as Other Golfers]: Can you hurry it up, we've got a head wound back here!
[Mitchell offers Greta a can of beer.]
Greta: You've got me wrong, I'd like a glass.
Joel [as Mitchell]: Huh, OK, Your Majesty.
[A kid on skateboard skates up to Mitchell's car where he's sitting.]
Kid: Hi.
Mitchell: Hi.
Kid: Are you the man from the insurance?
Mitchell: Nope.
Kid: He came last night.
Mitchell: Yeah?
Kid: My mother doesn't like you.
Mitchell: I don't like your mother.
Kid: Why not?
Mitchell: Why not?
Kid: No, why not?
Mitchell: No, why not?
Kid: Why are you repeating what I'm saying?
Servo: Tonight on Crossfire.
Mitchell: Why are you repeating what I'm saying?
Kid: I'm not.
Mitchell: Well, I'm not.
Kid: You are.
Mitchell: Buzz off.
Kid: What?
Mitchell: What?
Kid: What did you say?
Mitchell: What you say?
Kid: Did you say something?
Servo[Frustrated] AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Mitchell: You say something?
Kid: You said buzz off.
Mitchell: You're lying through your teeth.
Kid: You're lying through your teeth.
Mitchell: Buzz off, huh?
Kid: Buzz off!
Mitchell: Buzz off, kid!!
Gypsy: Jumpsuit...? Fool...? THEY'RE GOING TO KILL JOEL!!! THEY'RE GOING TO KILL JOEL!!! THEY'RE GOING TO KILL JOEL!!! HELP! WHAT DO I DO!? WHAT DO I DO!? I GOTTA GET HIM OUTTA HERE! THEY'RE GONNA KILL HIM! HELP!!! Easy, girl! Take it easy. Calm down, breathe through your nose... Here we go... That does it. Easy does it... Okay... Okay... Okay... Okay... Okay... Okay... THEY'RE GOING TO KILL JOEL!!! [Gypsy screams again and faints]
[In bed with Mitchell, Greta reaches out to return unopened beers to the bed stand, which also has a bottle of Johnson & Johnson's...]
Joel: Baby oil!
Servo[vomiting noises]
Crow: Why would anybody wanna do this with Mitchell, Joel?
[In the soundtrack, Hoyt Axton continues to sing the theme song.]
Axton: My my my my Mitchell...
Crow: My my my MY GOD, NOOOOO!
Deaney: How do you like your Scotch, Mitchell?
Crow [as Mitchell]: Uh, by the quart.
Cummings: Some friends down at City Hall said they saw you in court this morning with a hooker that you sleep with and occasionally arrest.
Mitchell: What else did they tell you?
Cummings: She's too expensive and you can't afford her on a policeman's salary. Now, somebody's picking up the check. Who could that be?
Mitchell: You.
Cummings: Me what?
Mitchell: You're picking up the check.
Cummings: No, I don't. I don't pay for your hookers, Mitchell.
Joel [as Mitchell]: Well, could ya?
[Mitchell is beaten up by a pair of thugs and has a garbage can shoved down over his head.]
Servo: [as Mitchell] Hey, I think this is rice...ugh! No it's not!
[Hoyt resumes the theme song during the movie's closing credits.]
Hoyt Axton[singing] My my my my Mitchell, what would yo' momma say?
Crow: She'd say, "He's not mine! You can't prove it!"
[Mitchell spends several minutes silently committing some mysterious act of sabotage on a car. It is unclear to the viewer what exactly Mitchell is doing.]
Servo [as Mitchell]: Why did I do that?
[Mitchell tries to scale the fence outside Deaney's estate.]
Joel [as Mitchell]: Man, this is hard to do after six sour cream burritos!
[Mitchell shoots Cummings in the head with an M16, who is then heard collapsing and dying off-screen.]
Joel: I think it was one of those effects too expensive to show. [This was because the version of Mitchell featured here was the edited-for-TV version. The theatrical version graphically shows the resulting bullet hole in Cummings' head as he collapses and dies.]
[After Joel has escaped and the Bots are panicking, cut to Deep 13 where Frank is staring slack-jawed at the camera, then ponders his keys which Mike had borrowed earlier.]
Dr. Forrester[walking in from off-screen in a bathrobe, toweling his hair] Ahh, nothin' like a good shower to make one feel new again. I feel great! Nothing can get in the way of my good mood! What's going on, Frank?
Frank: Oh, not much... inventory's under control...
Dr. Forrester: Yeah?
Frank: Floor needs mopping... Joel escaped from the Satellite of Love...
Dr. Forrester: Well, I can see you've got the situation well in hand--WHAT?? Joel escaped from the Satellite of Love?
[Dr. F begins typing on the control panel.]
Frank: Well, I'd better get started on that floor...
Dr. Forrester: Frank! My towel and your hinder have an appointment, but first we've got to rescue Joel! Oh, no, nooo! Frank, he's landed safely in the Australian outback!
Frank: Well, let's just hope he landed on Yahoo Serious.
Dr. Forrester: Well, that's a good point, Frank, because--Frank! Can't you see we're ruined? What are we gonna do?
Frank: Yeah, well, we could send someone else into space.
Dr. Forrester: Who are we gonna find at this late date to send into space?
[Mike walks in behind them with his time card.]
Mike: Can you guys sign my time card?
[Dr. Forrester and Frank begin laughing maniacally; Mike, confused, nervously joins in.]
Dr. Forrester: Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Frank?
Frank: Yeah, you're not gonna sign his time card, are you?
Mike: C'mon, you gotta sign my time card!
Dr. Forrester: Of course I'll sign your time card, young man! In fact, I think you're going to be working for me for a long, long time. Push the button, Frank!
[As Dr. F puts his arm around an uncomfortable Mike, Frank turns to look at the camera, puzzled, as he pushes the button and the screen fades to black.]
Dr. Forrester: Say, Mike... what size jumpsuit do you wear?
Mike: Ehh...


Video Releases[]

Mitchell dvd

MST3K Mitchell DVD