Ho-ho-ho! I'm here to kick butt and lick candy canes, and I'm all out of candy canes!
- Santa about to fight Pitch in Deep 13

The Movie[]

Main article: Santa Claus (film)


Santa Claus helps some children resist the temptations of Satan.

The Episode[]

Host Segments[]


TV's Frank gives Dr. F his gift

Prologue: Mike and the Bots' attempt to sing carols ends in disaster when Mike knocks over the thermos full of nice, very hot chocolate. 


Gypsy gives Mike a sweater

Segment One: As the SOL crew recovers from their carolling injuries, Frank reveals that he has shaved his head and bought Dr. F a watch fob. Dr. F signs over an old savings bond since he forgot to get a present for Frank. On the SOL, Crow gets a Steve Alaimo album, Tom Servo gets a drug and IV handbook, Mike gets a sweater with "Joike" knitted on it (Gypsy started it for "the other guy"), and Gypsy receives underwear-in-a-candy-cane. Frank laments the loss of his hair for nothing, as Dr. F tells "Mark" this week's movie, telling him "it's a well-thought-out documentary about the Crimean War", only for Frank to angrily shout "It's a stupid Mexican kids movie!!!"

MST3k Santa Klaus rock band on the SOL

"We are Santa Klaws!"

Segment Two: Rock band Santa Kläws performs "Whispering Christmas Warrior". The Mads respond in true rock fan fashion.

Segment Three: The Bots have arranged a Nelson family reunion via the Hexfield Viewscreen - except they got the wrong Nelson family. Turns out there are not only thousands of Nelsons on Earth, but Mike isn't from Green Bay.

MST3k Santa Claus Deep 13 Host Segment- Santa Claus & Pitch visit

Pitch (played by Paul Chaplin) visits Deep 13

Segment Four: Mike and the Bots sing an all-inclusive politically correct holiday song: "Merry Christmas...If That's Okay".

Segment Five: Mike is clearing up the wrapping paper from opening Christmas presents, but is feeling a little sad. However, Gypsy points out the window of the SOL that it's snowing, giving the crew on the SOL a snow day! Meanwhile, back in Deep 13, the devil Pitch is having a snack with the Mad Scientists. As Pitch outlines his plans for the New Year, bells can be heard and Santa Claus himself bursts onto the scene and begins to spar with Pitch. Dr Forrester and TV's Frank happily watch the scuffle unfold.

Stinger: A maniacal mechanical reindeer laughs

MST3K cast[]

Regular cast

Guest cast


  • Unusual credits: An instrumental version of "Merry Christmas... If That's Okay" is played instead of "Mighty Science Theater".
  • This episode aired sixth and last during Turkey Day '17.
  • Frank shaving his head and buying Dr. Forrester a watch fob is a reference to the short story "The Gift of Magi" by O. Henry. In it, a struggling young married couple make great personal sacrifices in order to be able to buy Christmas presents for each other. The wife cuts off her beautiful long hair (in which she took great pride) and sells it to wig maker so that she can buy a watch fob (which is a chain) for her husband (who has sold his antique pocket watch in order to buy her an elaborate set of hair combs). Frank reacts with confusion at the idea of having sold his hair, indicating that he skipped that part of the transaction and has shaven his head for no particular reason.



  • While Crow screams during the prologue after Mike accidentally spills some hot chocolate on him, his eyes fall out and he knocks Tom's head off.

Obscure References[]

  • "Santa Claus on Pipedreams"
Pipedreams is a radio program by American Public Media of Minneapolis that focuses on music of the pipe organ.
  • "Ted Danson's comedy school."
Actor Ted Danson performed a monologue in blackface at a Friar's Club roast of Whoopi Goldberg, who he was dating at the time.
  • "What is this, Sliver?"
Said in reference to Santa's many observation devices. Sliver is a 1993 thriller film in which voyeurism is a key plot element.
  • "I think David Byrne stole this music."
A reference to Talking Heads frontman David Byrne.
  • "A Steve Alaimo album?!"
Steve Alaimo was a pop singer and teen idol during the early 1960s. He starred in Wild Rebels, used in Episode #207.
  • "I love him! I love him! And where he goes I'll follow..."
Lyrics from I Will Follow Him sung by Peggy March.
  • "Children on the verge of a nervous breakdown!"
A reference to the 1988 Spanish film Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown.
  • "C'è 'na luna mezz'u mare...Mamma mia m'a tare..."
Servo is singing a few lines from the Italian folk song "C'è la luna mezzo mare". It is usually sung at Italian or Sicilian weddings as was famously depicted in the opening of The Godfather.
  • "Bertolucci is brought in to direct this scene."
A reference to Bernardo Bertolucci and the film The Last Emperor (as the comment is made during the Chinese children's singing).
  • "Okay, back to cram school!"
Cram schools, a common phenomenon in Japan, are a type of private school that offers intensive tutoring for standardized tests and examinations.
  • "Don't say anything to upset them!"
Servo is quoting Basil Fawlty's instructions to his staff regarding some German tourists in an episode of the TV sitcom Fawlty Towers.
  • "Get up, stand up... stand up for your rights!"
Mike is quoting the Bob Marley song "Get Up, Stand Up".
  • "Puppet Master III!"
Puppet Master III is a 1991 direct-to-video horror movie about evil living puppets.
  • "It's the Trilogy of Terror dolls!"
Trilogy of Terror is a made-for-TV anthology horror movie from 1975, with one memorable segment about Zuni fetish dolls.
  • "The J. Paul Getty, Jr.-scope!"
A reference to the late oil heir John Paul Getty III, who was kidnapped in 1973 by captors who eventually cut off one of his ears.
  • "Call me Ishmael."
The Herman Melville novel Moby-Dick opens with the line, "Call me Ishmael (Moby-Dick)."
  • "I was born in a house my father built..."
Richard Nixon opened his memoirs with this line.
  • "The minute Yossarian..."
The opening line from the novel Catch-22. Yossarian is the name of the main character.
  • "Please Mr. Ruth... Hit a home run!"
The young boy brings to mind the final scene from The Babe Ruth Story: where a young cancer patient asks Babe Ruth to hit a home run for him. Babe Ruth not only fulfills this promise, but upon doing so the young cancer patient is seemingly cured.
  • "I've written a letter to Daddy..."
This is a lyric from a song in the film Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?. The song - about a little girl who has written a letter to her deceased father - had been a hit for Jane as a child, propelling her stardom.
  • "Did he say 'Blessed are the cheesemakers'?"
Crow is quoting a line from the Monty Python movie Life of Brian.
  • "I'm more popular than Jesus!"
A reference to the infamous statement attributed to John Lennon of The Beatles, and the contradictory celebration of the two Christmas icons.
  • "Jim J. Bullock is more frightening than that devil!"
Actor Jim J. Bullock is best known for playing the non-threatening character Monroe Ficus on the 1980s sitcom Too Close for Comfort.
  • "All he has to do is use the magic dreaming powder made by Mr. Merlin!" "And Mr. Owsley!"
Chemist Owsley Stanley was San Francisco's largest producer of LSD during the late 1960s.
  • "Red Adair is brought in to extinguish the fire!"
Red Adair was a famous oil-field firefighter.
  • "Summer of My German Stormtrooper!"
The Summer of My German Soldier is a novel about an American girl who befriends an escaped German POW during World War II.
  • "A young Barton Fink!"
Barton Fink is a 1991 film directed by the Coen Brothers. The main character wears round eyeglasses and has thick, curly dark hair that sits high on his head.
  • "What is this, 'Home Alone 3: The Quickening'?"
A riff on Highlander II: The Quickening and the Home Alone franchise. Both film series had only two films at the time. A third Highlander film was produced in 1994 and the third Home Alone film in 1997.
  • "Flaming Moe's!"
"Flaming Moe's" is a Simpsons episode in which Moe the bartender takes credit for a flaming cocktail invented by Homer.
  • "Moms Mabley!"
Moms Mabley was an African-American comedian who began her career on the so-called "Chitlin' Circuit", then became popular among wider audiences during the 1960s.
  • "Hosni Mubarak!"
Hosni Mubarak was an Egyptian politician who served as president of Egypt from 1981 to 2011.
  • "It's the last episode of a.k.a. Pablo."
A 1984 sit-com, a.k.a. Pablo ran for only six episodes before being cancelled.
  • "I'm here to eat candy canes and kick ass, and I'm all out of candy canes!"
Stated during the final host segment, this is a parody of a line from the 1988 movie They Live.
  • "And when you awaken..." "You'll be Rick Wakeman"
Rick Wakeman is a British keyboard player famous for playing in the band Yes.
  • "The giant turtle named Gamera is about to attack the city."
Gamera is the central kaiju in the eponymous movie franchise. Several films from that series have been used on MST3K.
  • "I feel the need. The need for speed."
Crow is referencing the famous quote from the 1986 Tom Cruise film Top Gun.
  • "There's a man outside...." "His name is Jim, he asked if I could marry him."
Paraphrased from the song "The Men in My Little Girl's Life" by Mike Douglas and recited sometimes by school children.
  • "I want to live in America, Cadillacs zoom in America..."
Lyrics from the song "America" from the musical West Side Story.
  • "Indiana wants me, Lord I can't go back there..."
Quoting the lyrics of "Indiana Wants Me" by R. Dean Taylor.
  • "The only thing this child wants..." "Is fear itself!"
A parody of a famous speech by U.S. president Franklin D. Roosevelt, in which he declared that the only we have to fear is fear itself.
  • "Clap on, Clap off"
Parody of the commercial for The Clapper, a sound-activated controller for electrical devices.
  • "Cop killer, c-c-c-cop killer..."
Parody of the song "Cop Killer" by Ice-T's band Body Count.
  • "Next up in the Jr. vocal category... Thailand"
Parody of the late Ed McMahon and his TV talent show Star Search.
  • "I'm Martha Raye!"
The doll seen during Lupita's dream sequence resembles the late comedy actress Martha Raye.
  • "It's a Rue McClanahan doll!"
Lupita's huge dolly resembles the actress Rue McClanahan, star of Mama's Family, The Golden Girls, and Hollywood After Dark.
  • "Relax, it's just Keith Magnuson!!"
Keith Magnuson was a professional hockey player, playing for the Chicago Black Hawks from 1969 - 1979.
  • "Jamie Farr!"
The devil resembles Jamie Farr best known for portraying Corporal Max Klinger on TV's M*A*S*H.
  • "I suppose Hell got an NEA grant?"
The National Endowments for the Arts has been known to give funding to sometimes controversial projects.
  • "Hey look! The ghost of Ross Perot."
Ross Perot was an American businessman and politician, who twice ran for U.S. President as a third-party candidate, in 1992 and 1996. He was known for his large ears and nose.
  • "Think I'll go have a Rumple minze."
Rumple Minze is a peppermint-flavored liquor.
  • "Ma Barker's Killer Brood."
Ma Barker's Killer Brood is a low-budget crime film released in 1960, inspired by the real-life family of criminals who were active in the United States during the 1930s. The film features Tristram Coffin, Paul Dubov, and Myrna Dell.
  • "Would you shut the bloody organ grinder up!?"
A reference to Monty Python's Cheese Shop Sketch.
  • "It's Rob and Laura!"
The bedroom is reminiscent of The Dick van Dyke Show, in which the married couple Rob and Laura Petrie were shown sleeping in separate twin beds.

Video releases[]


MST3K DVD cover