"Remember, they're vampire women, so get ready with the Cher jokes."
  — Crow

The Movie

Santo as Santo


In The Forest of White Pine, a coven of Vampire women living in a castle has awoken after a sleep of over 200 years.

The first one to awaken is Tandra, the Vampire Priestess, who must prepare to awaken Thorina, the Queen of the Vampire Women. 200 years prior, a woman chosen to be Thorina's successor escaped the clutches of the Vampire Women and their henchmen. That woman's beauty has now been passed down to a current relative named Diane, on the cusp of turning 21. Per a prophecy, Diane is to take Thorina's place as Queen of the Vampire Women, as Thorina descends into the depths of darkness, to be with her husband, Lucifer.

Tandra and several male henchmen go to Diane's home and spy on her. The young woman almost falls under Tandra's hypnotic gaze, when her father, Professor Orlof, and husband-to-be, Jorge, console her.

Orlof recommends that she lie down, and as Jorge leaves for the evening, Inspector Carlos comes by. Orlof has called Carlos to provide security for a party of Diane's in a few days, but will not tell the Inspector just what he and his men are to protect Diane from.

It turns out the Inspector has known for some time, due to some old parchments, that his daughter is destined to become the successor to Thorina. A mark on her shoulder shaped like a bat is also a sign of Diane's 'destiny.' However, even with all this knowledge, Orlof has not told his daughter a thing about this prophecy.


In the meantime, Tandra and her henchmen have attacked a couple coming out of a nightclub. The girl has been drained of blood, and her male escort has disappeared. Inspector Carlos looks over the body, with many perplexed about her bloodless corpse, until a doorman who saw Tandra turn into a bat and fly off claims that the woman was attacked by a vampire. His declaration causes Carlos to have the man be placed under arrest.

Back at the Castle, the henchmen drain the kidnapped man of blood and use his blood to revive the reset of the coven, along with Thorina.

Back at his house, Santo arrives to speak with Orlof. Orlof tells of the prophecy, and how Diane's relation many years before was saved by a former relation of Santo. Like then, Santo is the one who can save the woman destined to become Queen of the Vampires. Santo claims he will do what he can to protect Diane, but has to appear at a wrestling match.


The day of the party, Inspector Carlos has a number of men watching over the party. However, their security does little, as Tandra and her henchmen detain several attendees and infiltrate the party. The two henchmen almost get away with Diane before Santo appears and detains them.

It is in the aftermath of the attack that Orlof finally tells of the vampire prophecy. Carlos then formulates a plan: hearing that another couple was attacked at the nightclub like the previous one, he suggests taking Diane there with several of his men to see if the vampire women and their cohorts might show up.

Back at the castle, Thorina reprimands Tandra for failing to bring her Diane. Tandra then explains about Santo, and his possibly foiling the prophecy laid out.

The vampires then send one of their male henchman to a wrestling match Santo is taking part in. The henchman takes out an opponent, and putting on his clothing and mask, attempts to take down Santo in the ring. The henchman's karate moves almost stop Santo, but Santo manages to unmask his opponent, showing his opponent's face to look like a wolf creature. Several officers fire bullets at the man, but he turns into a bat and flies off.


Meanwhile, Diane, Carlos, and several other officers are at the club, when Thorina and Tandra appear to take a look at her. Thorina leaves soon after, and Tandra and her henchmen manage to make off with Diane. Santo shows up too late to stop them, but manages to chase down one henchman, who bursts into flame upon running under the shadow of a cross.

Carlos returns to Professor Orlof, and demands he quickly finish deciphering the parchments, feeling they have to tell where the coven is. With minutes ticking away, Orlof manages to find the location in The Forest of White Pine. Orlof radios to Santo, and the wrestler takes off for the castle.

His attempts to infiltrate the castle end with him being trapped and tortured by the henchmen. However, Tandra does not act quickly in performing the ritual on Diane and the sun begins to rise, burning the henchmen and Tandra, as well as sending Thorina and the other women to hide in their coffins.

Santo manages to get free, rescues Diane, and burns the remaining Vampire Women in their coffins.

Carrying Diane outside, she is reunited with her boyfriend and father before Santo drives off.[1]



  • Rodolfo Guzman Huerta achieved an enormous amount of fame in Mexico as pro wrestler El Santo, El Enmascarado de Plata (The Silver Maskman). Not just for his wrestling talents, but also because he stood for decency and fair play, El Santo was beloved and adored by his many fans. When movie character El Santo wasn’t wrestling, he was a crimefighter, traveling in the silver Bentley which matched his silver mask and cape. El Santo always wore his mask whenever he was in public, even when he was not performing. When he retired, his son took over the role. He continues to wrestle under the name El Santo, and, like his father, always wears the mask. This movie is the sixth of about fifty movies which have starred El Santo (superfluously renamed “Samson” in English language versions).

The Episode

Host Segments

Mike & the Bots play stratego

Prologue: The Satellite of Love has a moment of silence. Tom enjoys his by talking incessantly.

Segment One: Deep 13 receives some Chinese food from an ethereal white deliveryman. Frank accounts for the great majority of the order and kindly sends some up to the SOL. Frank's fortune cookie specifically hints at his imminent death. Crow enjoys his lo mein, Mike has difficulty with his hot and sour clam soup, and Tom's hot dog gives him kisses.

Torgo the White visits Frank

Segment Two: While the crew plays Stratego in their own way, Crow spies a mysterious figure outside the ship and receives an ethereal message.

Segment Three: Torgo the White, complete with reconstructed knees, arrives in Deep 13 and takes Frank to Second Banana Heaven.

Segment Four: Dr. Forrester receives the news from the SOL crew and realizes Frank is gone for good. Distraught, he sings the touching tribute "Who Will I Kill?"

Frank visits Clayton one last time

Segment Five: The Bots read their letters to Frank; however, only Gypsy's is actually appropriate for the occasion. Frank visits a mourning Dr. F from the ethereal outer world and pushes the button one last time for old time's sake.

Stinger: "Chief, I saw two corpses in the garden."

MST3K cast

Regular cast

Guest cast


  • Frank Conniff's final regular appearance as TV's Frank. The Brains chose Samson and the Vampire Women for Frank Conniff's final episode due to Conniff's fondness for Mexican wrestling movies. Frank would later come back for a cameo in the episode Soultaker.
  • Supposedly, the final episode of the sixth season was originally slated to be the third Master Ninja "film" (see the Talk page for this episode).
  • This was also Torgo's final appearance in a MST3K episode.
  • This episode was ranked #92 among backers of the Bring Back MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 campaign in the Top 100 Poll.
  • The back of the box of the Mystery Science Theater 3000:  Volume XXIV DVD set incorrectly refers to this episode as featuring an Italian film.
  • This episode aired fourth during Turkey Day '18.


Obscure References

  • "Oh, it's Ginger Rogers."

Ginger Rogers was an American actress, dancer and singer during the Golden Age of Hollywood in the 1930s and '40s. She died on April 25, 1995, exactly one month after this episode first aired.

  • Torgo the White

"Torgo the White" is a parody of the heavenly transformation of Gandal from "Gandalf the Grey" to "Gandalf the White". Torgo reacts the same way Gandalf does when asked if he is Gandalf: "Yes, that was the name. I was Torgo..."

  • "One of Newt's orphanages."

Newt Gingrich, former Republican Speaker of the House (1995–1999), once infamously suggested that the government should re-establish orphanages to raise poor children, rather than giving their parents welfare benefits to allow them to raise the kids themselves.

  • "Something's going to happen, Mike. Something WONDERFUL!"

Crow is referencing 2010: The Year We Make Contact, and the recurring David Bowman entity who keeps stating "Something's going to happen. Something wonderful."

  • "Oh look, Capitol Critters is on!"

Capitol Critters is a short-lived animated TV series from the early 1990s about rodents and insects living inside the White House.

  • "Why do they have the Blue Mosque as their symbol?"

The Sultan Ahmed Mosque, also known as the Blue Mosque, is an Istanbul landmark.

  • "She's dressed like Jeremiah Johnson!"

Jeremiah Johnson is a 1972 Revisionist Western film starring Robert Redford as a mountain man.

  • "All right Marines, drop your socks and grab your... socks."

A sanitized version of a line from the film Full Metal Jacket, delivered by a drill sergeant waking up the recruits: "Drop your cocks and grab your socks."

  • "Which one of them is Brad Pitt?"

In the 1994 gothic horror film Interview with the Vampire, Brad Pitt portrays Louis, a vampire telling his 200-year-long life story to a reporter.

  • "Hmmm, great! You know that thing from 'Peanuts'?"

The piano-centric jazz piece entitled "Linus and Lucy" was composed by Vince Guaraldi for the TV special A Charlie Brown Christmas, which features the characters from the Peanuts comic strip created by Charles M. Schulz. The song became the theme for many of the subsequent TV specials featuring those characters, and has become strongly associated with the comic strip.

  • "He's got a picture of Reddy Kilowatt up over there!"

Reddy Kilowatt is a cartoon character that acted as corporate spokesman for electricity generation in the U.S. and other countries for over seven decades. He is drawn as a stick figure whose body, limbs, and hair are made of red lightning-bolts, and he has a light bulb for a nose and wall outlets for ears.

  • "It's BUtterfield Ocho!"

BUtterfield 8 is a 1960 movie starring Elizabeth Taylor.

  • "Now when was I a Flying Leatherneck?"

Flying Leathernecks is a 1951 action war film about Marine Corps aviators during World War II. However, the term "Flying Leatherneck" is widely used to refer to those in Marine aviation.

  • "They didn't count on Carlton the Doorman!"

In the 1970s sitcom Rhoda, Carlton is Rhoda's doorman who is never seen but only heard via intercom.

  • "Ah, the Rainforest Cafe!"

The Rainforest Cafe is a chain of restaurants that feature elaborate jungle scenery.

  • "Well, I've got a golf date with Randy the Macho Man."

Randy "Macho Man" Savage was a professional wrestler for the WWF (1985–1994) and WCW (1994–2000).

  • "She looks like a Magic Eye picture!"

Magic Eye is a series of books, posters, calendars, etc. from the 1990s that contain visual illusions which allow some people to see 3-D images by focusing on 2-D patterns.

  • "Sade!" "Your love is king..."

Sade Adu is a Nigerian-British singer known as the lead singer of her eponymous band. "Your Love Is King" is their first single.

  • "They're making the beast with two butts!"

"Making the beast with two backs" is a euphemism for sexual intercourse (famously used in Othello).

  • "It's a Robert Mapplethorpe photo session!"

Robert Mapplethorpe was a photographer known for the homoerotic and sadomasochistic content of most of his work.

  • "The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small!"

A paraphrase of an old joke by Harry Hershfield that is perhaps best-known for being told by Woody Allen in the movie Annie Hall.

  • "Where Devils Go, Trouble Follows!"

Where Angels Go, Trouble Follows is a 1968 comedy film about Catholic schoolgirls on a cross-country field trip.

  • "The Keystone Vampires!"

The Keystone Kops is a series of silent comedy movies about bumbling policemen.

  • "It's a sign that says 'Wall Drug, 10,000 Miles'!"

A reference to billboards advertising Wall Drug, a South Dakota tourist attraction. The signs start appearing a great distance away and state the number of miles to get there.

  • "This scene was edited out of Spartacus."

The infamous "oysters and snails" scene between Laurence Olivier and Tony Curtis in Spartacus was cut from the original release for homosexual content.

  • "Run, it's Butch Patrick!"

Butch Patrick is an actor best known for his portrayal of child werewolf Eddie Munster on the TV series The Munsters.

Video releases


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