|“||This film went through a highly technical process called 'Tension extraction' before it was released to the theatres."'||”|
|“||Could Leonard Maltin be wrong, and this movie isn't worth two and a half stars?||”|
- Main article: Laserblast (film)
A troubled teenager finds a powerful weapon from outer space and it slowly corrupts him.
Segment One: Dr. F’s funding has been cut, so he disconnects the Umbilicus, setting the SOL loose. He's moving out of Deep 13 with help from Pearl. Gypsy and Tom manage to fix the ship so they have thrusters, but no control. They drift out of Earth's orbit and begin to head into deep space.
Segment Two: The SOL is visited by Monad, an annoying robot/space probe. He is taunted and confused by the SOL crew, and so Mike is able to eject Monad out of the airlock with no problem.
Segment Three: The SOL hits a field of star babies - and one of them needs a diaper change. Mike plays Ground Control ala Apollo 13 as Servo and Crow go out into space to get things taken care of.
Segment Four: With the SOL heading toward a black hole, Mike takes charge the only way he can: he becomes Captain Kathryn Janeway. It works, but it ends strangely.
Segment Five: The SOL reaches the edge of the universe and the crew transform themselves into non-corporeal beings of pure energy or something, and it's fun. In Deep 13, Dr. F becomes unstuck in time, has a revelation and is reborn in a sequence that pays tribute to the final sequence in 2001: A Space Odyssey, including the broken goblet. Pearl rejoices at her second chance to raise him right, but Dr. F's only response? "Oh, poopie."
Stinger: The freaky hippie dude says, "Faaar out!"
- Michael J. Nelson - Mike Nelson
- Trace Beaulieu - Crow T. Robot / Dr. Clayton Forrester
- Kevin Murphy - Tom Servo
- Mary Jo Pehl - Pearl Forrester
- Jim Mallon - Gypsy
- Trace Beaulieu's final appearance as Dr. Clayton Forrester and Crow T. Robot.
- The Final Episode of the Comedy Central era. At the time this episode was made, it wasn't completely known if the show would be picked up by any other network (the campaign to save the show was ongoing), so it was designed to be the series finale if necessary. Just a little over a month after this episode was broadcast (June 24, 1996), it was announced the series would be moving to The Sci-Fi Channel.
- At the beginning, Dr. Forrester said that Leonard Maltin gave the movie 2 1/2 stars. During the movie's closing credits, Mike and the 'bots looked up other movies in his book that had worse ratings than Laserblast. Marathon Man, Hannah And Her Sisters, and Unforgiven were among those who had a worse or an equal rating.
- Joel Hodgson’s and Jef Maynard’s "set design" credits end with this episode.
- Ranked 17th in the Top 100 Episodes as chosen by backers of the Bring Back MST3K Kickstarter. It was the highest-ranked episode of Season 7, and the highest-ranked episode from the Comedy Central era starring Mike.
- This episode aired fourth during Turkey Day '14, fifth during Turkey Day '18, and fifth during Turkey Day '19.
- Magic Voice is among the rest of the gang when they turn into energy beings, but doesn't speak. However, she had a scripted line that was cut out of the episode, saying merely, "Well, I was wondering." before turning to pure energy.
- "Roxie!" (Eegah)
- "It’s the Coleman Francis mountain!" (The Beast of Yucca Flats)
- "Hi! I'm Max Kella!" (Master Ninja I)
- A mention of Cherokee Jack. (Red Zone Cuba)
- "Robert Ginty" (Warrior of the Lost World)
- "Leave the Bronx!" (Escape 2000)
- The top label on the giant "Worst Movie Ever Made" VHS tape is upside down.
- "I saw a Wolman drinking a piña colada at Trader Vic's."
A parody of a lyric from "Werewolves of London" by Warren Zevon: "I saw a werewolf drinkin' a piña colada at Trader Vic's"
- "Norelco's secret plan for world domination! Even its name spells 'Merry Christmas'!"
A reference to a Christmas-themed commercial for Norelco electric shavers, in which Santa was shown flying on an electric razor while the letters in "NORELCO" started disappearing to form "NOEL".
- "We wish to welcome you to Denver's airport!"
In 1995, Denver's Stapleton International Airport was demolished and replaced with the current Denver International Airport six miles away. The new airport opened a year and a half behind schedule and 2 billion dollars over budget.
- "Edward CD-Player-Hands."
- "Christina's World 3001."
- "Ojai. Crap. I'm still in Ojai."
- "I'm the friendly stranger in the black sedan!"
Servo is singing an excerpt from the song "Vehicle" by The Ides of March.
- "He woke up Ram Dass!"
Ram Dass, or Baba Ram Dass, was a spiritual teacher who bears a resemblance to the white haired old man.
- "Hush Hush" "Sweet Charlotte!"
- "I know, I'll seek refuge in 20 explosive hits by 20 explosive stars!"
A reference to a 1973 K-Tel compilation record album, which can be seen here.
- "Are you ready for some football?"
- "You ever notice how Haile Selassie is God?"
- "'Sister Mary Elephant' is funny!"
Said in a whiny, nasally voice as the film looks out over an arid desert locale, this is a callback to Eegah.
- "Suddenly I long for a Hal Needham film..."
Hal Needham was a stuntman and director best known for his frequent collaborations with actor Burt Reynolds, usually in films involving fast cars, including Smokey and the Bandit, Hooper, The Cannonball Run, and Stroker Ace. Needham also directed MegaForce, which became a RiffTrax presentation in 2015.
- "Anyway, all my rowdy friends are coming over tonight."
An extension of the "Are you ready for some football?" running joke, this references the song "All My Rowdy Friends Are Coming Over Tonight", a song also by Hank Williams Jr (and the song that the "Are You Ready for Some Football?" MNF theme was based on).
- "I'm Max Keller."
- "Laaaaady! When you're with me I'm smiiiiiling!"
- "Wow, Albert Belle did cork his bat!"
- "Get your motor running... head out on the highway..."
- "Did they need to go to Angkor Wat just to have a picnic?"
Angkor Wat is a religious temple monument in Cambodia and is considered to be the largest in the world.
- "When you crank 'Don't Fear the Reaper'..."
"Don't Fear the Reaper" is a song by Blue Oyster Cult.
- "And a dog named Boo..."
- "Meanwhile on Quark... Remember Quark?"
Quark was a late 70's sci-fi comedy TV series featuring a space captain who commanded a ship that collected trash in outer space. Servo asking if Mike remembers Quark reflects the series' very short run, which consisted of seven episodes and the pilot.
- "Another Buddhist monk..."
In 1963, as a protest during the Buddhist crisis in Vietnam, a Buddhist monk named Thich Quang Duc immolated himself with gasoline on a street in Saigon near the Presidential palace. AP journalist Malcolm Browne took a now-famous photo of the event, which inspired others to engage in acts of self-immolation as well.
- "It's Rover from The Prisoner!"
- "I am the lizard king!"
A line from a song by the 1960s pop group The Doors.
- "This movie packs the unflinching humor of a Dik Browne panel."
- "Oh, it's a Calvin Klein ad."
A reference to an extremely controversial (and ultimately banned) television ad campaign for Calvin Klein that featured an off-screen voice asking young-looking people to take off their clothes, in what seemed like an audition for a porno movie. More information about the campaign at this link.
- "Englebert Humperdinck on a personal journey."
Englebert Humperdinck is a British soft-pop singer who rose to fame in the 1960s & 1970s.
- "If I built a fortress around your heart..."
A quote from the Sting song "Fortress Around Your Heart".
- "Ecuadorian Bat Boy found alive in cave!"
Bat Boy is a fictional creature who made numerous appearances in the American supermarket tabloid Weekly World News. He first appeared as a cover story on June 23, 1992. The original front-page photo of Bat Boy, showing his grotesque screaming face, is not unlike the face Billy is making during the riff.
- "Aaaalll righty then!"
- "Something touched me deep inside the day Eddie Deezen died."
- "It's raining porn... Hallelujah."
- [The credits display: "Laserblast".]
- Crow: Terrible name for laser eye surgery… scares away the customers.
- [A mutated man tries to hide from a spaceship, with a laser cannon attached to his arm.]
- Servo [as Elmer Fudd]: I'm hunting spacecwaft... hehehehehehe.
- . . .
- [A closeup of the man reveals his gaunt complexion and the disc-shaped apparatus on top of the laser cannon on his arm.]
- Mike: Edward CDplayerhands.
- [After a scene with the aliens, followed by an unrelated scene with Billy's mother leaving for Acapulco, the film fades to another seemingly unrelated shot of a van driving along the road.]
- Mike: Well, now on to movie three!
- [Scene where we are introduced to our "hero" Billy getting out of bed wearing nothing but yellow gym shorts.]
- Crow [As Billy]: Augh! Get em off me! get em off me!! Oh wait... it's just my sheets!
- Servo: Somehow his "mustardy" shorts don't help.
- [Chuck and Froggy openly mock Billy at the gas station.]
- Chuck: Whaddya say Froggy? Think our boy Billy is up for a little race?
- Froggy: Billy!? Hell, he NEVER races!!
- Billy: Who the hell told you that!? I'll show you a race!
- Crow [As Billy]: Just let me get into my dad's electric supply van!
- Servo: Inverted world where the spazzes make fun of the "cool guys."
- [Cutting back to Chuck and Froggy, Mike riffs on who they resemble.]
- Mike: Steven Stills and Bill Gates!!
- [Twenty minutes into the movie, and nothing important has happened. Billy is hanging around a gas station.]
- Servo: So, let's recap the movie so far: somebody went to Acapulco, and somebody almost bought gas.
- [Shortly after finding a laser cannon in the desert, Billy begins hopping around oddly and pretending to blow stuff up.]
- Billy: Pow! Pa-pow!
- Servo: After all that, it's "pa-pa-pow".
- Mike: Once you're over the age of 11, you should not say "pow".
- [Billy continues to prance about the desert with the laser cannon on his arm, moving rather daintily.]
- Servo: I think he's doing Frampton Comes Alive.
- Mike: ...So, it's a thing that makes you waltz.
- Crow: Won't he be surprised to learn that it doesn't go "pow" but "fffwissshh"!
- [Billy gleefully blasts away at shrubs and sand with said cannon.]
- Mike [as Billy]: Yeah... I think you are gonna detail my van for seventy-five dollars!
- [Kathy sits by Billy's van, waiting for Billy to arrive.]
- Mike: ...So we're watching someone waiting for someone.
- Servo: There's a point where it stops being a movie!
- Kathy: Gee, Billy... if only you were more ordinary.
- Mike: More ordinary? Man, he'd have to work at that.
- Kathy: We were supposed to go to Susan's birthday party. We're due there by three!
- Billy: I don't wanna go to no party.
- Crow [As Billy]: C'mon! I'm cooking a pizza on the engine block!
- [A cake is brought out at the pool party, causing an overexcited reaction from the partygoers.]
- Crow: Teens love their cake pool party!
- [At a pool party, Chuck is serving hot dogs to a good-looking girl in a bikini.]
- Chuck: Whoa, mama. Wouldn't Chuck like to give you his red hot frank.
- Girl: From what I hear, Chucky, it ain't so hot.
- Crow [as Chuck]: She undercut the subtle nuance of my wiener joke!
- . . .
- [Chuck pushes the girl into the pool.]
- Mike [as Chuck]: There! I think I've taught you not to rebuff my wiener innuendo!
- Crow: So no one wants to eat cake, and he can't find Cathy. Now the movie is really starting to find its purpose!
- [Scene where Billy fights with both Chuck and Froggy; Mike goes back to Froggy's "resemblance" to Bill Gates.]
- Mike: The Microsoft meeting goes horribly wrong!
- [Billy's and girlfriend Kathy's hands are shown roving over each other's exposed skin in an intimate moment between the two while Mike and the 'bots express their repulsion.]
- Crow: This movie means two things to me: sheet cake and back fat!
- [The hippie driver who offers Billy a ride starts rambling about random occurrences.]
- Hippie: Yeah, there I was, 30,000 feet straight up! Field full of frozen yo-yos and the string broke. I didn't falter! Just kept on going man! I knew Nirvana was straight around the corner. I turned the corner and ran smack into Betty Crocker! She was running across the sky yelling "You never outgrow your need for milk!"
- Servo: I miss Eddie Deezen...
- Hippie: I looked at her, and said, "Baby! You're something else!"
- Servo: Cousin of yours Mike?
- [After Billy kills the hippie driver and steals the van for no reason, Mike can't help but wonder about Leonard Maltin's rating he gave this movie.]
- Mike: So I wonder what the "flaw" was that prevented Leonard Maltin from giving this the full three stars?
- [As the ending credits roll, Mike leafs through a copy of Leonard Maltin's Movie Guide.]
- Mike: OK, let's look in Maltin's book, uh he gave this two-and-a-half stars... ooh, My Favorite Year barely edges it out with three stars.
- Crow: Huh.
- Servo: Look here, Hannah and her Sisters is superior only by one star.
- Mike: Oh wow.
- Crow: [watching the film] Oh great, now a tire fire starts just off camera!
- [Tom coughs. Mike turns a page.]
- Mike: OK. Umm, ah, look, hey—Leonard Maltin gave the same two-and-a-half stars to My Dinner With Andre.
- Crow: Uhh—
- Servo: [disgusted] Name of the Rose... this is a better film than Name of the Rose! It only got two stars!
- Crow: Being There, two stars.
- Mike: Uh, Lucas Tanner the movie was directed by Richard Donner... I just thought I'd point that out.
- Servo: Oh. Good.
- Mike: Lemme see here...
- Crow: [reading the credits] Y'mean, y'mean to tell me that Ron Masak and Eddie Deezen get billing over Roddy McDowall?
- Servo: Look Mike, Birdman of Alcatraz, three stars. Marginally better than Laserblast.
- Crow: [still reading the credits] They spelled Roddy McDowall's name wrong...
- Servo: [leaning in] What else you got?
- Mike: Oh, here we go, Full Metal Jacket, three stars.
- Crow: Hm?
- Servo: Shame, isn't it.
- Mike: Oh, hey, Seven Samurai, two stars.
- Crow: [incredulous] What?!
- Mike: I'm kidding.
- Crow: Oh.
- Servo: I hope so.
- Mike: According to this, A Fish Called Wanda was as good a film as Laserblast.
- Crow: [dismissive] D'oh...
- Servo: Broadcast News, Witness, three stars—barely superior to Laserblast.
- Mike: Mm-hm.
- Crow: Same for Diner.
- Mike: Yeah, hm. Oh, here we go—this was a better movie than Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.
- Crow: Well, that's possible...
- Servo: And the same caliber as Last Crusade—two-and-a-half stars.
- Mike: Oh. And, uh, and yet: Blame It On the Bellboy... four stars.
- Servo: [unbelieving] Where?
- Crow: [incredulous] What?
- Mike: No, I'm kidding.
- Servo: Oh, you... You... jeez...
- Mike: So, Kim Milford's greasy, pop-eyed performance was every bit as good as F. Murray Abraham's tortured performance as Salieri in Amadeus.
- Crow: According to Leonard Maltin, yes, Mike.
- Servo: Bagdad Café, brilliant subtle comedy—no better than Laserblast.
- Mike: Here's where it gets hard—Harry and the Hendersons is every bit as good as Laserblast.
- Crow: Carson McCullers' classic The Heart is a Lonely Hunter—no better than Laserblast.
- [Servo notices Mike is hiding something and tries to read it.]
- Mike: [reluctant] No, no—
- Servo: Uhp, John Schlesinger's Oscar-winning thriller Marathon Man—on par with Laserblast, two-and-a-half stars.
- Mike: Right, so Laurence Olivier's chilling performance as Szell, the White Angel, no better than the butt-faced sheriff in Laserblast.
- Crow: Again, according to Leonard Maltin, yes, Mike.
- Mike: OK, ah—
- Servo: Ah, look here, look here, Outlaw Josey Wales AND Unforgiven! Oscar-winner. Quintessential Westerns, Eastwood at his finest. However, I think you know where we're headed with this, Mike.
- Mike: Uh, yeah...
- Servo, Mike: Same as Laserblast—
- Servo: Two-and-a-half stars.
- Mike: Oh, here we go, here's a couple more. Sophie's Choice—
- Servo: Uh huh.
- Mike: Uh... here's one, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory—
- Servo: No!
- Mike: The Great Santini—
- Servo: Oh, I can't believe that!
- Mike: All two-and-a-half stars.
- Servo: Two-and-a-half stars.
- Mike: The same quality.
- Crow: Also known as "Ace", by the way.
- Mike: Yes, "Ace".
- Servo: [as they leave] Peers to Laserblast.
- Commercially released on DVD by Shout! Factory in October 2008 as part of Mystery Science Theater 3000: The 20th Anniversary Edition, a 4-DVD box set with Werewolf, Future War, and First Spaceship on Venus.
- DVD special features include The History of MST3K - Part Two and the theatrical trailer.
- Available for rent or purchase on Amazon's streaming service.
|preceded by: Season 6||MST3K Season 7||followed by: Season 8|
|701||Night of the Blood Beast (Turkey Day)||1996-02-03||703||Deathstalker and the Warriors from Hell||1996-02-17||705||Escape 2000||1996-03-02|
|702||The Brute Man||1996-02-10||704||The Incredible Melting Man||1996-02-24||706||Laserblast||1996-05-18|