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"Every time I meet a man, he's either gay or a bear."
- Mike


The Movie[]

Main article: Jack Frost (film)

Synopsis[]

A young man named Ivan has several perilous adventures while trying to win the heart of the lovely young Nastenka. They both encounter mystical figures from folklore.

The Episode[]

Host Segments[]

Lordofthedance

Mike Nelson is Lord of the Dance!

  • Prologue: Michael Nelson is Lord of The Dance! With his footwork hidden behind the console Gypsy is underwhelmed.
Sddefault

Gypsy bemused by Mike's performance.

  • Segment 1: With Pearl away on her mission to return the Space Children - Buddy, Darlene, and Scooter - to their parents, Brain Guy and Bobo argue about who's going to be in charge. Brain Guy teleports Mike down to help arbitrate. Brain Guy complains about Bobo's disgusting hygiene needs while Bobo counters that Brain Guy had B.O. Brain Guy is shocked to discover that he does in, in fact, have body odor despite not having a body. Mike uses Brain Guy's embarrassment to fast talk him into watching the movie on the Satellite of Love. Brain Guy teleports Mike back into his rightful place just before the movie starts.
    813-2

    Bobo and Brain Guy bond

  • Segment 2: In order to better explain the cultural context of the movie, Crow brings in Russian-American standup comic "Yakov Smirnoff" (Patrick Brantseg) on the Hexfield. His tired 1980s-era humor about the USSR goes over poorly. Finding out how much of Mike's money Crow spent to get Yakov on the Hexfield gives Mike an ulcer on the spot.
  • Segment 3: Crow gets turned into a bear. Meanwhile Brain Guy and Bobo have found an uneasy peace. Eventually they find common ground for conversation discussing how awful Pearl is. Back on the Satellite of Love Crow has partially eaten Tom Servo. Mike scolds him for taking his bear simulations to the extreme.
    Jackfrost3

    Crow turns into a bear

  • Final Segment: Tom puts on a dress, glues large eyes to his dome and attempts to be cute. Unfortunately his cute manner of speech makes him impossible to comprehend. Bobo and Brain guy get drunk and begin to argue about which is the best ape movie ever made. They bring Mike down to settle the argument. Pearl returns with her own opinion on the ape movie issue.
  • Stinger: "Bring on my fiancé!"

MST3K cast[]

Regular cast

Guest cast

Trivia[]

  • The last episode in which Gypsy was played by Jim Mallon.
  • In the previous episode, the SOL was in contact with Pearl and the Widowmaker while on Pearl's errand to return the Space Children. In this episode, the SOL is contact with Bobo and Observer on the Camping Planet, and Pearl has not yet returned. Presumably, Pearl sent the SOL back to the Camping Planet while she engaged in her own pursuits, though Mike asks Bobo and Brain Buy where Pearl is.
  • The label on the beer bottle Bobo is holding in the final host segment says Simian Adams, a parody of the Samuel Adams flagship brand of the Boston Beer Company.
  • Ranked 20th in the Top 100 Episodes as chosen by backers of the Bring Back MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 campaign.

Callbacks[]

Goofs[]

  • Yakov Smirnoff was born in what was then the U.S.S.R, but in Ukraine rather than Russia.

Quotes & References[]

  • "These names are all Russian for Alan Smithee."
Alan Smithee was a traditional name used by directors who wanted to disavow any connection with a movie they had worked on.
  • "Hey ho, Tom Bombadillo!"
Tom Bombadil is a character in J. R. R. Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings who lives in the woods. When he is first introduced to readers, he is singing a song in which he refers to himself as "Tom Bombabdil-o" (in order to make it rhyme).
  • "Hey, Tom Petty."
Tom Petty is an American singer, songwriter, and musician. The actress playing evil stepsister Mafushka bears a strong resemblance to Petty.
  • "It's all right if you love me..."
First line of the Tom Petty song "Breakdown." The lyrics are here.
  • "Hey, listen. It's Spock in really fast motion!"
This is a reference to a major plot point in the Star Trek episode "Wink of an Eye".
  • "Ah, Roseanne."
Reference to Roseanne Barr (also known, at various times, as Roseanne Arnold or simply as Roseanne), an American actress and comedian best known for her portrayal of plus-sized housewife/blue-colllar worker Roseanne Conner in the sitcom Roseanne.
  • "Great, I'll bet Pippi Longstocking's in this."
Pippi Longstocking is the lead character in a series of children's books by Swedish author Astrid Lindgren. The reference seems to be due to Pippi's ubiquity in films and TV and a mistaken idea that Lindgren's books were set in Finland, rather than Sweden.
  • "Is this a biopic of Holly Hobbie?"
Holly Hobbie is an American writer and artist. Her most famous creation—a little girl with a large bonnet wearing a long, quasi-nineteenth century patchwork dress—is named for her. This character and Pippi Longstocking both wear their hair in two braids.
  • "I'm a domestic goddess."
From Roseanne Barr: "I hate the word housewife; I don't like the word home-maker either. I want to be called Domestic Goddess."
  • "The moon is out, there's plenty of light..." "Chernobyl's on fire, it's great!"
On April 26, 1986, a reactor exploded at the Chernobyl nuclear power plant. Subsequent explosions and a fire sent a radioactive plume of fallout—four hundred times that released by the bombing of Hiroshima—over much of Russia, Ukraine, and Belarus, as well as large portions of northern, western, and eastern Europe. It is the worst nuclear power plant disaster in history.
  • "Back into Harpo's chest."
The Marx brothers' movie Duck Soup (1933) includes a scene in which Pinky (Harpo) shows Firefly (Groucho) his tattoos. Firefly asks Pinky where he lives, and Pinky opens his shirt to show the tattoo of a doghouse on his chest. The camera moves in close to Pinky’s chest and the head of a dog emerges from the doghouse, and it barks.
  • "This is the factory where they make Beanie Babies."
Beanie Babies are small collectible plush animals that were popular in the mid-to-late 1990s.
  • "Jack Klugman!"
Jack Klugman was an American actor of stage, screen, and TV. He is best known for his roles as chronic slob Oscar Madison in the long-running TV sitcom The Odd Couple and the titular medical examiner on Quincy, M.E..
  • "M is for the many times you beat me. O is for the other times you beat me..."
Parody of an old song by lyricist Howard Johnson and musician Theodore Morse called "M-O-T-H-E-R (A Word That Means the World to Me). There appear to be several versions of it. Here are the complete lyrics:
M is for the million things she gives me
O means only that she's soft to hold
T for the things she tries to teach me
H is for her heart of purest gold
E for her eyes with love light shining
R means right, and right she'll always be--
Put them all together they spell 'Mother,'
A word that means the world to me.
  • "Don't come around here no more..."
First line of the Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers song "Don't Come Around Here No More". The lyrics are here.
  • "Awww, Penny Marshall was an adorable child!"
Penny Marshall is an American actress, producer and director. Her best-known on-screen role was as Laverne in the TV sitcom Laverne & Shirley.
  • "Surge!"
Surge is a citrus-flavored, heavily caffeinated soft drink produced by by The Coca-Cola Company to compete with Pepsi's Mountain Dew. It originally launched in Norway as Urge in 1996, and was so popular that it was released in the United States as Surge in 1997.
  • "Danny Bonaduce IS Sleeping Beauty."
Danny Bonaduce is a red-haired radio and TV personality, comedian, pro wrestler, and actor. As a child actor, he was best known for his role as middle son Danny Partridge in the 1970-74 sitcom The Partridge Family.
  • "As God is mah witness, ah'll nevah go hungry again!"
Slight misquote (and mimicry) of the end of Scarlett O'Hara's climatic speech in Gone With The Wind: "If I have to lie, steal, cheat or kill—as God is my witness, I'll never be hungry again."
  • "Boy, ah say, boy!"
Quoted in the manner of the pompous cartoon rooster Foghorn Leghorn.
  • "Mmm, Claratin-D!"
Loratadine (which is marketed under a number of names, including Claratin-D) is an antihistamine that fights allergies. The ads for it often feature scenes of nature, such as beautiful meadows and sunrises.
  • "Some day, I'll return the favor."
An paraphrased quote from the 1972 film The Godfather: "Some day, and that day may never come, I'll call upon you to do a service for me." You can watch it here. In the book, Don Corleone's line is similar: "Some day, and that day may never come, I will call upon you to do me a service in return."
  • "Now I gotta keep stirring the sauce, deliver these guns to Jimmy..."
Crow is summarizing a passage from Goodfellas in which Henry Hill (Ray Liotta) says: "I was cooking dinner. I had to start braising the beef and veal shanks for the tomato sauce. It was Michael's favorite. I was making ziti with gravy...roasted peppers...string beans with olive oil, and beautiful cutlets...that were cut just right...that I was going to fry up as an appetizer. So I was home for about an hour. My plan was to start dinner early so I could unload the guns Jimmy didn't want."
  • "Or me, Jerry Quarry!"
Jerry Quarry was a champion heavyweight boxer during the late 1960s. His most famous bouts were against Muhammad Ali, and he won the National Golden Gloves award in 1965 when he was nineteen. He died 17 months after this episode air
  • "The Ozark Mountain Daredevils plan their next album."
The Ozark Mountain Daredevils are a Southern rock/country rock band known for their long hair and beards.
  • "Ivanushka! Try me on a Plazaburger!"
The Plazaburger is a hamburger served at the Plaza Tavern in Madison, Wisconsin. It's a hamburger with secret sauce on a long wheat bun. Anything else (like lettuce, tomatoes, or mushrooms) has to be requested separately and costs extra.
  • "Yeah, that looks like Crazy Horse!"
The Crazy Horse Memorial is a mountain monument under construction on privately held land in the Black Hills in South Dakota. It will depict the Oglala Lakota warrior, Crazy Horse, riding a horse and pointing to his tribal land. The monument has been in progress since 1948 and is far from completion.
  • "Am I Kirok?"
In the Star Trek episode "The Paradise Syndrome", Captain Kirk forgets who is, then joins a primitive tribe and declares "I am Kirok!"
  • "Norman, the loons! Kill them!"
A parody of a line from On Golden Pond. The actual line spoken by Norman's wife Ethel (played by Katharine Hepburn) is: "Come here, Norman. Hurry up. The loons! The loons! They're welcoming us back."
  • "The minute you walked in the joint, ba-dum."
This is the opening line from the song "Big Spender" from the musical Sweet Charity.
  • "Do I look like Simon Le Bon?"
Simon Le Bon is the lead singer of Duran Duran.
  • "I have no time to speak to you; I've got to work!" "I'm a welder by day and a dancer by night!"
In the 1983 movie Flashdance, the heroine Alex Owens (played by Jennifer Beals) is a welder in a steel mill by day and a dancer in a bar by night.
  • Nastinka:"My name is Nastya." Ivan: "Nastya?" Servo: "Miss Jackson, if you're nasty!"
Servo is quoting from Janet Jackson's song "Nasty" which has the line, "My first name ain't baby, it's Janet. Miss Jackson if you're nasty!"
  • "She looks like a Grey."
Greys are purported extraterrestrial beings typically described as being human-like with small bodies with smooth grey-colored skin, enlarged hairless heads, and large black eyes.
  • (A piano riff plays, and Father Mushroom appears.) "Paul Williams!"
Paul Williams is an award-winning pianist, singer, composer, lyricist, and actor. He is 5'2" tall.
  • "Was her bucket full of Rogaine?"
Rogaine is the brand name for minoxidil. It's sold as a hair restorer/cure for baldness.
  • "Damn it, Puck, this time you've gone too far!"
In Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream, Puck transforms another character's head into that of a donkey (a clear parallel to Father Mushroom's Bear-Head magic on the protagonist).
  • "I've got to go find a pic-a-nic basket!"
The Hanna-Barbera cartoon character Yogi Bear lives in Jellystone Park and survives by stealing picnic baskets (which he pronounces "pic-a-nic baskets") from campers and tourists.
  • "Ivanushka!" "We have to register at Club Wedd!"
Club Wedd is the wedding registry for Target, a chain of discount department stores.
  • "Tonight, on a very special Grizzly Adams..."
The Life and Times of Grizzly Adams is an NBC TV series which ran from March 2, 1977 to December 19, 1978. It told the story of a mountain man who had fled to the wilderness after being falsely accused of murder. His constant companion was an adult grizzly bear—hence his nickname.
  • "With Retsin. With Retsin. Again, with Retsin. Retsin."
Crow is making fun of the Sparkling Teeth ads for Certs.
  • "She shouldn't cry. There's always Jerry Lee Lewis or Jerry Seinfeld or Ben Kingsley."
Jerry Lee Lewis's third wife, Myra Gale Brown, is the daughter of Lewis's first cousin. She married Lewis in December 1957, when he was 23 and she was 13. When in his late thirties, Jerry Seinfeld began dating then-seventeen-year-old Shoshanna Lonstein. Ben Kingsley dated women appreciably younger than him for a while, though there is little evidence that any of them were underage. His current wife is 30 years his junior.
  • "...get me some french-fried potaters, mmmm..."
An impression of Billy Bob Thornton in Sling Blade.
  • "From the land of sky-blue waters..."
The jingle from a Hamm's Beer commercial from the 1950s.
  • Beggar: "Charity, dear little sisters, dear little brothers, charity. Dear little sisters, dear little brothers, charity. Give us alms, for without us you could not prove your charity—" Crow: "Oh, great, Shakespeare in the park."
Shakespeare in the Park is the common name for performances of Shakespeare in Central Park in the summer. The performances are done by repertory companies, and are available to the public for free. Crow makes the comment because the beggar sounds like he's reciting a formal speech rather than begging passers-by for money so that he can eat.
  • Ivan: "*sigh* What kind of a good deed will I have to do?" Crow (singing): What kind of bear am I?"
Crow is singing to the tune of "What Kind of Fool Am I?", a song written in 1962 by Leslie Bricusse and Anthony Newley for the musical Stop the World – I Want to Get Off. Crow's comment is particularly clever in that it not only highlights Ivan's melodramatic behavior but also comments on Ivan's personality, since the first two lines of the song are: "What kind of fool am I, who never fell in love?/It seems that I'm the only one I have been thinking of." Which is true—Ivan is only trying to do good deeds so that he'll be human again.
  • "Why is she putting Bisquick on her face?"
Bisquick is a brand of baking mix put out by Betty Crocker. It was originally marketed as a quick way to make biscuits, hence the name, but it is now sold as a basis for a variety of foods, one of the most popular being pancakes.
  • "Why are you so mean to me, Tante Ernest Borgnine?"
"Tante"/"Tanta" means "aunt" in many languages. Ernest Borgnine was an Academy-award-winning American actor best known for his performances in movies and on TV. Mike says this because the actress portraying the evil stepmother looks a bit like a fifty-ish Ernest Borgnine in a headscarf.
  • "Mama—" "Don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys!"
"Mammas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys" is a country song written by Ed Bruce and Patsy Bruce popularized by a duet version sung by Waylon Jennings and Willie Nelson in 1978.
  • "Alfalfa's greatest role."
Carl Switzer was a child actor who played the awkward young romantic Alfalfa in the Our Gang short comedies from 1935 to 1940. The comment is probably made because Mafushka, like Alfalfa, is playing someone who doesn't look like they belong in a romantic role at all.
  • "It's like having Andrea Dworkin make you over!"
Andrea Dworkin was a radical feminist writer whose critics frequently accused her of demonizing the entire male gender and claiming that all heterosexual intercourse was tantamount to rape.
  • "No, not a princess; you are a queen." "In that you look like Freddie Mercury."
Freddie Mercury was a British singer, songwriter, record producer, and lead vocalist of the rock band Queen.
  • (As an old woman climbs on the back of the transformed Ivan) "It's Light Bear Transit!"
Light rail transit is a type of public transportation that generally has a lower capacity and speed than heavy rail and metro systems, but higher capacity and speed than traditional street-running tram systems. Bear Transit is the name of the bus system for the University of California at Berkeley.
  • (At the sight of a roasted pig with an apple in its mouth) Servo, sobbing: "Babe!"
Babe, a likable pig who herds sheep, is the lead character in the Dick King-Smith book The Sheep-Pig. The book was adapted into the 1995 film Babe, which had the sequel Babe: Pig in the City.
  • "Larry Drake and Vanessa Redgrave."
Larry Drake is an American actor best known for playing the developmentally disabled Benny Stulwicz on L.A. Law from 1987 to 1994 and the titular villain in the horror movie Dr. Giggles. He has prominent lips. British actress Vanessa Redgrave has acted in a number of costume dramas, and in the 1994 film Little Odessa she plays the mother of a hit-man for the Russian-Jewish mafia.
  • "Someday I'll be a REAL boy."
Mafushka's being compared to Pinocchio because of her masculine appearance, the bright red circles on her cheeks that would look more appropriate on a clown or a puppet, and the fact that she's already planning on lying to her prospective bridegroom.
  • "She makes Olivia Hussey look like Thelma Ritter."
Both were actresses: Hussey is a dramatic actress well-known for her early role as Juliet Capulet in Franco Zeffirelli's 1968 version of Romeo and Juliet, played when Hussey was about seventeen, while Ritter was a middle-aged character actress best known for her comedy work.
  • "There's still one thing I have to do." "Join the band Nelson!"
A reference to the pop-metal band Nelson, fronted by Ricky Nelson's twin sons, Matthew and Gunnar. They were known for their long, straight blond hair.
  • "This is an Earth First! fantasy."
Earth First! is a radical environmentalist group.
  • "Hello, Mrs. Non-Gorilla."
Impersonation of a Pepperpot (man in drag playing an old lady) from Monty Python's Flying Circus, in particular from a sketch in which several pairs of women were named Mrs. X and Mrs. Non-X.
  • "Robert Mapplethorpe's Strega Nona."
Photographer Robert Mapplethorpe was known for the sadomasochistic content of his work. Strega Nona is a children's book about a witch who takes on a dim-witted helper.
  • "Bob Keeshan is Mr. Natural."
Bob Keeshan played Captain Kangaroo, a children's TV host with a pageboy-style haircut. Mr. Natural (not to be confused with Mr. B Natural) is a comic book character created and drawn by 1960s counterculture and underground comix artist Robert Crumb. He is a bald guru with a long white beard, and wears a gown which makes him resemble "old man" depictions of God or a prophet.
  • "At least a Mr. Yuk sticker."
Mr. Yuk is a green grimacing face that may be used as an alternative to the skull-and-crossbones for labeling hazardous materials.
  • "It's the Crystal Cathedral North."
The Crystal Cathedral is a megachurch in Garden Grove, California founded by televangelist Robert Schuller.
  • "Won't you please forgive me?" "And my a-ha hairdo?" "Please..." "Take on me...take me on..." "I'll be gone, so take..."
Ivan's hairdo is being compared to the new wave hair styling of Morten Harket, lead singer a-ha, a Norwegian synth-pop band formed in Oslo in 1982. Tom then starts reciting lyrics from their biggest hit and all-around 80's pop staple "Take On Me".
  • "Classic case of Munchausen by proxy syndrome!"
Munchausen by proxy syndrome is a psychiatric disorder in which a person feigns (or induces) illness on another person's part in order to gain sympathy.
  • "It'sss...a convention of Michael Palin imitators!"
Michael Palin is a British comedian who usually introduced early seasons of Monty Python's Flying Circus dressed as a bearded old man wearing ragged clothes rushing towards the screen gasping "It'sss..." The robbers in the film somewhat resemble the character.
  • "It's a Mrs. Creosote!"
Mr. Creosote is a gluttonous character in Monty Python's The Meaning of Life.

Memorable Quotes[]

[Title card is shown.]
Servo: ...could eat no... frost.
[Nastenka has to knit some socks before the sun rises.]
Mike: So, the first plot point involves knitting socks. I think we're in for quite a ride, guys!
Crow: You bet.
[As two characters command a house to turn from one side to another]
Crow: Come to Knott's Berry Farm and ride the unstable house.
[Russian names are on the screen.]
Mike: These names are all Russian for Alan Smithee.
[The sun rises. Nastenka runs to address the horizon.]
Nastenka: Have mercy, rosy-fingered Dawn! Have mercy on me, o rising golden Sun!
Servo [as Sun]: And you are…?
Nastenka: Wait 'til I'm done knitting these stockings! Otherwise I'll be punished severely. Stepmother said she would tear off my braid.
Mike [as Sun][beeps] This is the Sun. Your call is very important to us, but due to unusually high call volume…
[The sun obligingly reverses itself and sinks below the horizon.]
Servo: Oh, the world's thrown into chaos — earthquakes, floods — but that's fine; you knit your sock.
. . .
Nastenka: Thank you, rosy-fingered Dawn!
Mike [as Mafia don]: Some day you'll return the favor...
[The camera pans to several different chickens calling.]
Crow: This is a test of the Emergency Broadcast Chicken.
Servo: Man, Peter must be walkin' around denyin' everybody this morning.
[Ivan plays hide-and-seek with the gnomish Father Mushroom.]
Mike: Frodo gets drunk and screws with his neighbors.
. . .
Crow: If Disappearing Elf Hide-and-seek were in the Olympics, Finland would be in great shape!
[The flowers Nastenka was watering quickly grow and resemble fiber-optic cables.]
Crow: The KGB has her under surveillance!
[Father Mushroom disappears in a cloud of smoke.]
Servo: Whoa! [I] didn't think they had many landmines left in Narnia!
[The evil stepmother makes up her own daughter Marfushka to look like a Matryoshka doll.]
Stepmother: Nope! Not a princess.
Servo: She's got that healthy clown glow.
Marfushka: Oh, no?
Stepmother: You are a queen!
Mike: In that you look like Freddie Mercury.
[The Hunchback Fairy has placed Ivan on a wooden server and is preparing to put him in her oven.]
Ivan: Look, Hunchback Fairy, I'm sorry!
Fairy: Are you afraid?
Ivan: Well, it's just that I've never been pushed into an oven, and it's the first time I've ever sat on a shovel!
Mike [as Ivan]: ...the flat part, anyway.
Crow: So, the premise of this movie is that everyone is just nuttier than all get-out?
[Nastenka accidentally touches Grandfather Frost's sceptre]
Frost's Voice: Whoever touches my sceptre... will never wake up again.
Crow: Yeah, well maybe it should be stored a little more safely!
[While Nastenka's stepparents are in their home, someone offscreen announces an arrival...]
Random Unknown Voice: Look who's here!
Servo: Thank you, Anonymous Voice!
[Marfushka returns to her home in a sled being pulled by pigs.]
Crow: It's a three-pig open sleigh!
Servo: On Wilbur! On Gordy! On Babe!
[The scruffy bandits return to seize Ivan and Nastenka.]
Servo: It's…
Mike: It's…
Crow: It's… a convention of Michael Palin imitators!
. . .
Crow: It's the Seven Dwarves! Filthy, Rotting, Lousey, Skanky, Scabby, Septic and… Doc.
[Ivan snaps the Hunchback Fairy's broom over his knee]
Hunchback Fairy: My broom! I'm a witch and I can't move without it!
Crow: Well, maybe you should have diversified more!

Video releases[]

Jackfrostdvd

MST3K DVD Cover

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