The "MST3K Love Theme" is the main theme song of Mystery Science Theater 3000, which serves to summarize the general concept and backstory behind the show as well as set the mood. The lyrics are regularly altered to reflect changes in the cast or plot, but the song has been present in every season of the show.
Lyrics
Episodes K01 - K21
JOEL
In the not-too-distant future
Next Sunday A.D.
There was a guy named Joel
Not too different than you or me
He worked in a satellite loading bay
Just polishing switches to pay his way
He did his job well with a cheerful face
But his bosses didn't like him so they shot him into space!
"We'll send him cheesy movies!
The worst ever made!"
Joel says when you've got lemons
you make lemonade
Now keep in mind he can't control
Where the movies begin or end
Because he used the extra parts
To make his robot friends
Robot Roll Call
Cambot!
Servo!
Gypsy!
Crow!
If you're wondering how he eats and breathes
And other science facts
Then repeat to yourself "It's just a show
I should really just relax"
For Mystery Science Theater 3000!
Episodes 101 - 512
Joel's intro (Season 2 - 5)
JOEL
In the not-too-distant future
Next Sunday A.D.
There was a guy named Joel
Not too different from you or me
He worked at Gizmonic Institute
Just another face in a red jumpsuit
He did a good job cleaning up the place
But his bosses didn't like him so they shot him into space!
"We'll send him cheesy movies!
The worst we can find! (la la la)
He'll have to sit and watch them all
And we'll monitor his mind!" (la la la)
Now keep in mind Joel can't control
Where the movies begin or end (la la la)
Because he used those special parts
To make his robot friends
Robot Roll Call (all right let's go)
Cambot! (Pan left!)
Gypsy! (Hi, girl!)
Tom Servo! (What a cool guy!)
Crooooow! (Oh, wisecracker!)
If you're wondering how he eats and breathes
And other science facts (la la la)
Then repeat to yourself, "It's just a show
I should really just relax"
For Mystery Science Theater 3000!
Episodes 513 - 624
Mike's Intro (Season 5 - 6)
MIKE
In the not-too-distant future
Way down in Deep 13
Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank
Were hatching an evil scheme!
They hired a temp by the name of Mike
Just a regular joe they didn't like
Their experiment needed a good test case
So they conked him on the noggin and they shot him into space! (Get...me...doooown!)
"We'll send him cheesy movies!
The worst we can find! (la la la)
He'll have to sit and watch them all
And we'll monitor his mind!" (la la la)
Now keep in mind Mike can't control
Where the movies begin or end (la la la)
He'll try to keep his sanity
With the help of his robot friends
Robot Roll Call
Cambot! (CAMBOT: Show yourself!)
Gypsy! (GYPSY: I'm not ready!)
Tom Servo! (TOM: Hello there!)
Crooooow! (CROW: That's one "o!")
If you're wondering how he eats and breathes
And other science facts (la la la)
Just repeat to yourself, "It's just a show
I should really just relax"
For Mystery Science Theater 3000!
Episodes 701 - 706
Dr. F (Season 7 intro)
MIKE
In the not-too-distant future
Way down in Deep 13
The evil Dr. Forrester
Was hatching a nasty scheme!
He hired a temp by the name of Mike
Just a regular joe he didn't like
His experiment needed a good test case
So he conked him on the noggin and he shot him into space! (Get...me...doooown!)
"I'll send him cheesy movies!
The worst I can find! (la la la)
He'll have to sit and watch them all
And we'll monitor his mind!" (la la la)
Now keep in mind Mike can't control
Where the movies begin or end (la la la)
He'll try to keep his sanity
With the help of his robot friends
Robot Roll Call
Cambot! (CAMBOT: Show yourself!)
Gypsy! (GYPSY: I'm not ready!)
Tom Servo! (TOM: Hello there!)
Crooooow! (CROW: That's one "o!")
If you're wondering how he eats and breathes
And other science facts (la la la)
Just repeat to yourself "It's just a show
I should really just relax."
Dr. Forrester: Did I tell you my mother's here?
MIKE
For Mystery Science Theater 3000!
Episodes 801 - 913
MIKE
In the not-too-distant future
Somewhere in time and space
Mike Nelson and his robot pals
Are caught in an endless chase
Pursued by a woman whose name is Pearl
An evil gal who wants to rule the world
She threw a few things in her purse
And in her rocketship she hunts him all across the universe! (PEARL: I'll...get...youuuuuuu!)
PEARL
I'll send him cheesy movies!
The worst I can find! (la la la)
He'll have to sit and watch them all
And I'll monitor his mind! (la la la)
MIKE
Now keep in mind Mike can't control
Where the movies begin or end (la la la)
He'll try to keep his sanity
With the help of his robot friends
Robot Roll Call
Cambot! (CAMBOT: You're on!)
Gypsy! (GYPSY: Oh, my stars!)
Tom Servo! (TOM: Check me out!)
Crooooow! (CROW: I'm different!)
If you're wondering how he eats and breathes
And other science facts (la la la)
Just repeat to yourself, "It's just a show
I should really just relax"
For Mystery Science Theater 3000!
Episodes 1001 - 1013
MIKE
In the not-too-distant future
Somewhere in time and space
Mike Nelson and his robot pals
Are caught in a nasty place
They try to survive the wrath of Pearl
Just an evil gal who wants to rule the world
From her castle below, she sets her sights above
Just to torture all her captives on the Satellite of Love! (Get...me...doooown!)
PEARL
I'll send him cheesy movies!
The worst I can find! (la la la)
He'll have to sit and watch them all
And I'll monitor his mind! (la la la)
MIKE
Now keep in mind Mike can't control
Where the movies begin or end (la la la)
He'll try to keep his sanity
With the help of his robot friends
Robot Roll Call
Cambot! (CAMBOT: You're on!)
Gypsy! (GYPSY: Oh, my stars!)
Tom Servo! (TOM: Check me out!)
Crooooow! (CROW: I'm different!)
If you're wondering how he eats and breathes
And other science facts (la la la)
Just repeat to yourself, "It's just a show
I should really just relax"
For Mystery Science Theater 3000!
Episodes 1101 - 1206
note: text in red is heard during the show open, but is not present on the released version of the song
THE SKELETON CREW LEAD SINGER
In the not-too-distant future (Max: Mayday! Mayday! Mayday! We need your help! Jonah: Someone needs my help.)
Next Sunday, A.D. (Max: Mayday! Mayday!)
There was a guy named Jonah
Not too different from you or me
He worked at Gizmonic Institute
Just another mug in a yellow jumpsuit (Jonah: Hello? Hello! What the heck?)
A distress call came in for him at half-past noon
That's when an evil woman trapped him on the dark side of the moon
KINGA
I'll send him cheesy movies
The worst I can find (la la la)
He'll have to sit and watch them all
And we'll monitor his mind (la la la)
SINGER
Now keep in mind that Jonah can't control
When the movies begin or end (la la la)
So he'll have to keep his sanity
With the help of his robot friends
CHORUS
Robot Roll Call
Cambot!
Gypsy!
Tom Servo!
Crooooow!
SINGER
If you're wondering how he eats and breathes
And other science facts (la la la)
Then repeat to yourself "It's just a show
I should really just relax"
For Mystery Science Theater 3000!
Episodes 1301 - 1313
note: lines in yellow are heard during "Jonah" episodes, lines in purple are heard during "Emily" episodes
voice: And now to sing the MST3K theme song, Tom Servo. Please remain seated.
TOM
In the not-too-distant future
Next Sunday afternoon
The evil Kinga Forrester
She ran her empire from the moon / Ran her empire from the moon
Her latest plan was the Gizmoplex
A twisted scheme based on stolen specs
Now she's pulling the strings from the old Moon base
And she's back to her experiments with prisoners out in space
KINGA
I'll send them cheesy movies!
The worst motion picture wrecks (la la la)
They'll have to sit and watch them all
And we'll stream them at the Gizmoplex! (la la la)
Now keep in mind they can't control
Where the movies begin or end (la la la)
They'll have to keep their sanity
With the help of their robot friends
Robot Roll Call
Cambot! (TOM: And, action!)
GPC! (TOM: Which one?)
Tom Servo! (TOM: That's me.)
Crooooow!
TOM
If you're wondering how we eat and breathe / If you're wondering how they eat and breathe
And other science facts (la la la)
Then repeat to yourself, "It's just a show.
I should really just relax!"
ALL
For Mystery Science Theater 3000!
Ashley Holtgraver version
As part of Turkey Day '15, Ashley Holtgraver performed an acoustic version of the "Love Theme" with new lyrics. Her band, Freezepop, then covered it (with lyrics slightly altered again) for The Final Countdown. These versions were released on the digital collection Songs in the Key of MST under the titles "#BringBackMST3K Theme" and "#WeBroughtBackMST3K Theme", respectively.
Lyrics
In the not-so-distant past
I remember when
There was a show called Mystery
Science Theater 3000
It played on a couple TV Networks
A hundred ninety-seven epsiodes
A lot of people loved it old and young
But eventually they cancelled it for no apparent reason
We'll circulate the tapes
We'll tell all our friends (la la la)
Even though it's not on the air anymore
Doesn't mean MST will end
Now keep in mind I've been a fan
Since I was eight years old
But even if you're a new MSTie
You're still the right people
CHORUS
Robot Roll Call
Cambot!
Gypsy!
Tom Servo!
Crooooow!
It's 2015 and MST
Has a shot at coming back (la la la) / Is going to come back (la la la)
But now it's up to you and me
To make it happen on the Internet
So, bring back MST3000 / And bring back MST3000
Credits
- Music by Joel Hodgson and Charlie Erickson
- K01 - 512 and 1101 - 1206 lyrics by Joel Hodgson and Josh Weinstein
- 513 - 1013 lyrics by Best Brains
- 1301 - 1313 lyrics by Joel Hodgson and Josh Weinstein, additional lyrics by Paul Dicostanzo & Paul Sabourin and Matt McGinnis
- #BringBackMST3K and #WeBroughtBackMST3K version lyrics by Ashley Holtgraver
- K01 - 512 performed by Joel Hodgson
- 513 - 707 performed by Michael J. Nelson with interjections by Jim Mallon, Kevin Murphy and Trace Beaulieu
- 801 - 1013 performed by Michael J. Nelson and Mary Jo Pehl with interjections by Jim Mallon, Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett
- 1101 - 1206 performed by Har Mar Superstar and Felicia Day
- 1301 - 1313 performed by Baron Vaughn (Jonah episodes)/Conor McGiffin (Emily episodes) and Felicia Day
- #BringBackMST3K version performed by Ashley Holtgraver
- #WeBroughtBackMST3K version performed by Freezepop
Notes
- The theme song originated as a way to quickly establish the show's premise in the vein of Gilligan's Island or Land of the Lost. The characters Dr. Forrester and Dr. Earhardt came into being through writing the lyrics.
- In seasons 8-10, Crow says "I'm different!", referring to the fact that he was now being performed by Bill Corbett instead of Trace Beaulieu
- An update on the "Bring Back MST3K" Kickstarter project shows a storyboard from a new episode that confirmed that the "Love Theme" would be back for the new season of MST3K. (See the "First Look: The New Opening Sequence!" section on that page.)
- At the beginning of the introductory video for Let's Make More MST3K & Build The Gizmoplex, Jonah Ray can be heard performing part of the "Love Theme." It was later announced that the theme would once again be performed by the hosts in Season 13, but that did not happen.
- In Season 13, the lyrics were changed to not reference any specific test case, and the main performer was explicitly identified in character as Tom Servo.
