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"Monster RSVP" / "Monster Thanksgiving" is a song performed by Jonah Heston, Crow T. Robot and Tom Servo during Experiment 1311.

Set-Up[]

[On the Satellite of Love, Jonah Heston and the Bots are in their Halloween costumes. A laptop is sitting on the table between them.]

Jonah Heston: Okay, so we've got our Halloween costumes, kind of. And we went trick-or-treating, kind of. But no Halloween is complete without an irritatingly-catchy, death-trivializing novelty song.
Crow T. Robot: Ooh, can we make up our own novelty song? And can it be about monsters going to a party?
Jonah: Well, good news, Crow. By law, all Halloween novelty songs have to be about monsters going to a party. Thing is, the Halloween tastemakers forget that there's still so many modern monsters that haven't gotten written into a party song.
Tom Servo: Well, maybe it's time we gave them a shot.

[music starts]

Jonah: Let's do it.

Lyrics[]

TOM
I was sitting at my laptop late Saturday night
Sending out my Halloween party e-vite (Jonah Heston: Oooh.)
Every monster got one but to my surprise
Midnight struck, I started getting their replies (Jonah Heston: What?)

Jason said he's staying home and sharpening his axes (Jonah Heston: Okay.)
Frankenstein, he needs time to finish up his taxes (Jonah Heston: Taxes?)
Norman Bates, his mom's in town, Jigsaw's toilet's leaking (Jonah Heston: What?)
The Mummy and the Shining twins have plans to go antiquing (Jonah Heston: Aw!)

CROW & JONAH
So they can't come!

TOM
They all said sorry, can't come

CROW & JONAH
They can't come!

TOM
I couldn't even get some

CROW & JONAH
They can't come!

CROW
I bet you feel real dumb

CROW & JONAH
They won't come!

TOM
Why won't they come?

JONAH
Igor borrowed corpses, now he's gotta go replant 'em
Dracula's begging off 'cause he's got tickets to see Phantom?

CROW
The Golem's still hungover from the Yom Kippur he hosted (Jonah Heston: Well...)
I called five separate times but the Candyman just ghosted

JONAH
Oogie Boogie's putting up his Christmas decorations
And Leatherface is busy... leatherfacin'!? (Wha-?)

CROW
Cujo's getting neutered, Dr. Jekyll is on call
Chucky's got a hot date with the Annabelle doll (Jonah: The Annabelle doll!? C'mon!)

CROW & JONAH
So they can't come!

TOM
They all said sorry, can't come

CROW & JONAH
They can't come!

TOM
And now I feel like a bum

CROW & JONAH
They can't come!

JONAH
Buck up there, old chum

CROW & JONAH
They won't come!

CROW
Monsters, please come! (Jonah Heston: Yeah!)

TOM
Blob and all the Cenobites have hit the club with Freddy
Bigfoot and the Wolfman both are getting mani-pedis

JONAH
It's such a major bummer that nobody will come over

TOM
Oh geez, I even got blown off by Casper...

CROW
Krumm...

JONAH
And Grover.

[music stops]

Crow T. Robot: Ouch!
Tom Servo: Yeah, that one cuts deep.
Crow T. Robot: Yeah, I mean, technically Casper's not even a monster.
Tom Servo: Not helping, Crow.
Crow T. Robot: Is it dead?
Jonah Heston: At least Jeepers Creepers didn't show...

[Intermission Sign blinks]

Jonah Heston: Oh, we got Intermission Sign.

[Jonah taps his laptop and scene fades to intermission]

"Monster Thanksgiving"[]

[On the Satellite of Love]

Jonah Heston: I've gotta say, I'm pretty disappointed that no monsters came over to the party. And the song never got off the ground, either.
Tom Servo: Yeah, well, maybe it was flawed from the beginning. Should never invite monsters over on Halloween.
Crow T. Robot: It's literally their busiest night of the year.
Jonah Heston: Yeah. Wait, hold on, maybe that's it. What if we just invited all the monsters over on a day where they're not doing anything? Cambot, hit it!

[music starts up again]

Jonah Heston:Alright, let's just go with it, okay?

JONAH
Vampires, wolfmen, and zombies dismembered

TOM
Were coming over on the fourth Thursday of November

CROW
A smorgasbord of dishes for the living and deceased

ALL
It's a hairy-scary, spooky-ooky, Turkey Day feast! (Tom Servo: Yes!)

CROW & JONAH
They will come

[Movie sign blares and everybody runs off]

Credits[]



Songs
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Series "MST3K Love Theme" • "Mighty Science Theater"
Season K "O Tannenbot" • "Theme to Fugitive Alien" • "Has-Been Actors" • Joel's military cadence
Season 1 "Beverly Hillbillies Parody" • "Clay & Lar's Flesh Barn" • "Commando Cody Song" • "I'm a Hu-Man"
Season 2 "Sidehackin'" • "Only Love Pads the Film" • "My Creepy Girl" • "If Chauffeurs Ruled the World" • "Wild Rebels Cereal" • "I Like What I Know About You" • "Joey the Lemur" • "The Jet Jaguar Song" • "Godzilla Genealogy Bop"
Season 3 "Tibby, Oh Tibby" • "Idiot Control" • "Music from Some Guys in Space" • "A Clown in the Sky" • "Sandy Frank Song" • "Hike Your Pants Up" • "The Plate Spinning Song" • "Celebrity Siblings" • "The Gamera Song" • "Annoying Cornjob Song" • "The Many Tunes of Gamera" • "Slow the Plot Down" • "The Waffle Song" • "Fugitive Alien Medley" • "(Let's Have) A Patrick Swayze Christmas" • "Master Ninja Theme Song" • "Satellite of Love Marching Song"
Season 4 "City Rap" • "Oh, Kim Cattrall" • "A Danger to Myself and Others" • "Killer Shrew" • "Tribute to Pants" • "Ode on Estelle" • "Happy Thoughts" • "Gypsy Moons" • "Gypsy Rose Me" • "Hired!"
Season 5 "What a Pleasant Journey" • "Girl in Lovers Lane Theme" • "The Janitor Song" • "My Wild Irish Ireland" • "Tubular Boobular Joy" • "Whispering Christmas Warrior" • "Merry Christmas...If That's Okay" • "Mystos" • "The Greatest Frank of All"
Season 6 "Cosmic Freight Train" • "Nummy Muffin Coocol Butter" • "Square Dance" • "Livin' in Deep 13" • "Tom Servo's Theme Song" • "Crow T. Robot's Theme Song" • "Mike Nelson's Theme Song" • "The United Servo Academy Men's Chorus Hymn" • "The Poopy Suit Anthem" • Supercalafragalisticexpiala-wacky!: "I'm the Government" / "I'm the Crime Bill" / "Government Gridlock" / "The Foreign Policy Blues" • "Bouncy Upbeat Song" • "Who Will I Kill?"
Season 7 "Phones" • "Leave Bronx"
Season 8 "Satellite Hootenanny" • "Digger Smolkin Medley" • "When I Held Your Brain in My Arms" • "The Funky Seventies" • "The Gods Jam" • "Sodium!" • "Loving Lovers Love"
Season 9 "Pumaman" • "Where, Oh Werewolf" • "Stay!" • "Hobgoblins" • "The Canada Song" • "Rowsdower Saves Us" • "Air on a Delta Knight"
Season 10 "Oh, I Am Sad" • "Bobo Creek" • "The Ballad of Goosio" • "To Earth"
Season 11 "Every Country Has a Monster" • "Our Love Is on Wings (You Can't See)" • "UFO" • "The Great Space Circus" • "Aloha" • "Moon 14 Mesozoic Ranch Dinosaur BBQ Theme" • "The Magic in You" • "Push Past the Hurting (When a Movie Hurts Too Much)
Season 12 "Get in Your Mech" • "Trippy Blob" • "Concepts!" • "Below the Dam" • "There's a Cut on My Hand and a Pain in My Heart" • "Your Horrible Show (Your Show Stinks)"
Season 13 "Perico March" • "Mother Crabber" • "Sing a Song for Jiger" • "Supervillainesses" • "Monster RSVP" • "Hooray for Santa Claus" • "(Let's Have) A Patrick Swayze Christmas"
Additional "Satellite of Love" • "1997 Summer Blockbuster Review Theme" • "1998 Academy of Robots Choice Awards Special" • "1998 Summer Blockbuster Review Theme" • "#BringBackMST3K Theme" • "#WeBroughtBackMST3K Theme" • "Teen Reporter, Tom Servo"
Collections Clowns in the SkyClowns in the Sky IIClowns in the Sky I & IIMST3K: The ReturnSongs in the Key of MSTThe New Themes of MST3KThe Complete Clowns in the SkyMST3K Seasons 12 + 13
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