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Synthia's Selects

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SynthiasSelects

Synthia's Selects

Synthia's Selects is a wrap show presenting the Vault Picks episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000 shown each month at the Gizmoplex. It is hosted by Synthia Forrester from Moon 1, who is joined by various guests.

Following the opening (The Skeleton Crew cover of "Livin' in Deep 13"), Synthia introduces the episode and welcomes a guest. The episode breaks twice, once for a Madvertisement and again for a host segment from either The Satellite of Love or the Simulator of Love. The show ends with an outro from Synthia and the guest, sometimes followed by associated DVD bonus content. In later episodes, Pearl Forrester, Mega-Synthia Forrester and Kinga Forrester have stepped in to take over hosting the show (altering the title appropriately).

At the conclusion of Season 13, Synthia's Selects ceased with several sets of episodes never aired.

Vault Picks[]

May, 2022 - "Pesky Critters"[]

  • Episode # 210 - King Dinosaur
    • Guest: Tom Servo from The Satellite of Love
    • Opening: Synthia and Tom discuss what it takes to make a King.
    • Madvertisement: Onyx Path Publishing - They Came from Beneath the Sea
    • Host Segment: Crow and Tom fear an outbreak of leprechauns aboard The Satellite of Love.
    • Closing: Synthia and Tom discuss the similarities and differences between dinosaurs and lizards.
  • Episode #302 - Gamera
    • Guest: Jonah Heston from The Satellite of Love
    • Opening: Synthia and Jonah talk about Jonah's favorite work of Japanese cinema.
    • Madvertisement: Joey Drew Studios - Bendy
    • Host Segment: Emily tells the Bots about her greatest hunt.
    • Closing: Synthia and Jonah talk about Gamera.
  • Episode #303 - Pod People
    • Guest: Crow T. Robot from The Satellite of Love
    • Opening: If you were on a desert island and could only bring one pod, what would it be? Crow seems confused by this question and panics. Syn is amused by his lack of preparedness. Later she asks him what he thinks Trumpy's up to these days, but he's still stuck on her first question.
    • Madvertisement: Onyx Path Publishing
    • Host Segment: The Bots ask Jonah for a doctor's note to get a support animal.
    • Closing:
  • Episode #407 - The Killer Shrews
    • Guest: Emily Connor from the Simulator of Love
    • Opening: Synthia asks Emily what she would make giant, if she could.
    • Madvertisement: Bear Manor Media
    • Host Segment: Emily and the Bots deal with an infestation of critters (or varmints or beasties).
    • Closing: Emily is still thinking about making things giant.
  • Episode #517 - Beginning of the End
    • Guest: Emily Connor from the Simulator of Love
    • Opening: Synthia asks Emily if she feels she's at the beginning of the end or the end of the beginning. Emily is confused.
    • Madvertisement: Bear Manor Media
    • Host Segment: Tom and Crow want to be Space Exterminators, but Jonah is skeptical.
    • Closing: Synthia wants a Grasshopper and a deep dish pizza. Emily is still confused.
  • Episode #904 - Werewolf
    • Guest: GPC from The Satellite of Love
    • Opening: Have you ever been to "Flagstaff?" that and werewolves are discussed
    • Madvertisement:
    • Host Segment:
    • Closing: Emily and bots discuss how to repel various monsters.

June, 2022 - "Supernatural Summer"[]

  • Episode #301 - Cave Dwellers
    • Guest: Crow T. Robot from the Simulator of Love
    • Opening: Crow is asked whether he has any hidden talents by Synthia. Crow wants to conceal them, but accidentally discloses that it's watercolor painting.
    • Madvertisement: BearManor Media - Tom Servo and Crow are too preoccupied with organizing Crow's laserdisc collection. This leaves Jonah to recite the ad material given by BearManor Media leadenly.
    • Host Segment: Emily and the Bots discuss how to arrange a summer gathering for the Universal Classic Monsters.
    • Closing: Synthia recalls Geometric Nucleus being the name of a really bad band during Lollapalooza. Crow attempts to act as though his secret abilities are something great, such as kung fu. The reality, however, is terrible, and he bursts into tears, much to Synthia's joy.
  • Episode #411 - The Magic Sword
    • Guest: Tom Servo from the Simulator of Love
    • Opening: Synthia inquires as to Tom's preferred archaic weapon. Tom dislikes the sword and prefers the mace, though he also likes the halberd and English longbow. Finally, he chooses the boomerang.
    • Madvertisement: Onyx Path Publishing - Jonah and Crow list some of the aquatic monsters in They Came from Beneath the Sea. Tom appears to be getting into it with what appears to be a razor-wielding octopus costume. However, he insists that it's his typical nighttime outfit and that any resemblance to the RPG is just coincidental.
    • Host Segment: Emily explains the concept of picnics to Crow. Unfortunately, her basket was obtained at a Wizard's Warehouse Blowout Bonanza.
    • Closing: Tom realizes he chose the boomerang due to abandonment issues and changes his mind to blowdart.
  • Episode #505 - The Magic Voyage of Sinbad
    • Guest: Jonah Heston from The Satellite of Love
    • Opening: Synthia inquires about Jonah's feelings about Sinbad. Jonah misunderstands her and waxes nostalgic about the stand-up comic of the same name. Synthia is appalled.
    • Madvertisement: Joey Drew Studios - Jonah informs the Bots that because Joey Drew Studios enjoyed their last Bendy commercial so highly, they would be receiving free Bendy merchandise. Tom insists that the correct term for licensed merchandise given out for free is swag. Jonah concurs, recalling the time a Red Hot Chili Peppers roadie offered him some excess t-shirts. Meanwhile, Crow continues his avaricious gloating over the licensed goodies coming his way.
    • Host Segment: Tom and Crow are thinking about getting some patio furniture. Jonah points out that barbecues are impossible to have in space.
    • Closing: Synthia is disappointed since she has never been on a journey of any type. Jonah becomes persuaded that there are numerous Sinbads and enters Conspiracy Nut Mode.
  • Episode #703 - Deathstalker and the Warriors from Hell
    • Guest: Emily Connor from the Simulator of Love
    • Opening: Emily is asked by Synthia what character name she would use for a Pecs & Pulchritude fantasy novel. Emily chooses her LARP name from her time playing Vampire: The Masquerade. This brings up painful recollections of her ex-boyfriend from back then.
    • Madvertisement: BearManor Media - Tom Servo admires all of the scripts published by BearManor Media, including Bride of the Monster and The Brute Man. Crow announces the submission of his own script, which sounds awfully similar to This Island Earth.
    • Host Segment: Crow is too impressed with Jonah's performance of the coin-out-of-the-ear trick and thinks his head contains a doorway to a world filled with coins. Tom also has a head full of coins, which lowers the value of the market as a whole.
    • Closing: Due to the excessive Mountain Dew consumption, Emily finally accepts that she must give up LARPing. Synthia can't stop it with the dad jokes.
  • Episode #913 - Quest of the Delta Knights
    • Guest: M. Waverly from The Satellite of Love
    • Opening: Synthia inquires of M. Waverly whether he has ever been on a quest. He claims he's on one for his lost toothbrush, but Synthia doesn't care.
    • Madvertisement: Onyx Path Publishing - Jonah is the GM for a session of They Came from Beneath the Sea. Tom Servo believes the creature they face should be a 90-foot-tall Dolemite.
    • Host Segment: Crow reads Jonah's palm and finds it derivative.
    • Closing: M. Waverly has finished his quest, but Synthia is not pleased.
  • Episode #1003 - Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders
    • Guest: GPC from The Satellite of Love
    • Opening: Synthia wonders why there isn't a shop of mystical wonders near where she lives. GPC speculates that economic liberalization led to mom-and-pop businesses failing in the face of competition from big-box stores, and Merlin's shop is now a Buffalo Wild Wings. This doesn't bother Synthia because she enjoys wings.
    • Madvertisement: Joey Drew Studios - The plush Bendy has arrived from Joey Drew Studios, along with a Bendy drawstring bag. It disturbs Jonah, and Tom and Crow dispute on how to distribute their licensed goods.
    • Host Segment: Emily thinks Teen Wolf makes being a werewolf look awesome, but Tom is more pessimistic. Crow wants to be a Tween Wolf.
    • Closing: The fact that magic constantly appears to have negative and ironic effects worries Synthia. GPC observes that outcomes always have repercussions.

July, 2022 - "Mega Monster Month"[]

To celebrate Mega Monster Month, each episode also includes a presentation by Dr. Donna St. Phibes.

  • Episode # 402 - The Giant Gila Monster
    • Guest: Jonah Heston
    • Opening: Jonah is asked if he has ever worked at a drive-in by Synthia. He did, in fact, perform in a novelty band that sang "Let's All Go to the Lobby" and got paid in popcorn. He talks about other similar experiences and ponders why the band was never successful. Synthia doesn't care.
    • Madvertisement: Jonah is the GM for a session of They Came from Beneath the Sea. Tom believes the creature they face should be a 90-foot-tall Dolemite.
    • Host Segment: Jonah demands that viewers should be made aware that well-known tragedies like the Titanic's sinking were brought on by kaiju as part of Mega Monster Month.
    • Dr. Donna St. Phibes Presentation: The movie was meant to generate funds for the Experimental Clinic for the Passively Ill. Sadly, it led to a significant reaction against gila monsters. Due to constrained delivery choices and inadequate information, an effort to introduce the proto glucagon-controlling medication Venmax proved to be a similar PR catastrophe.
    • Closing: Synthia is disappointed over what happened to the hot rod. Jonah talks about another novelty band he was a part of. They covered Maggie May while focusing on vintage cars and children's books. Why it didn't take off till after he departed is a mystery to him.
  • Episode #911 - Devil Fish
    • Guest: Tom Servo from the Simulator of Love
    • Opening: Tom is asked by Synthia about his experience with several kinds of demonic animals. He elaborates on his veterinary exorcist profession, the specifics of which are kept under secrecy in the Vatican Archives. He advises putting a vial of holy water close to the heartworm medicine and mentions that cats are particularly prone to possession.
    • Madvertisement: Tom Servo admires all of the scripts published by BearManor Media, including Bride of the Monster and The Brute Man. Crow announces the submission of his own script, which sounds awfully similar to This Island Earth.
    • Dr. Donna St. Phibes Presentation: The Devil Fish (scientific name Dunkleosteus communis polypustrum) led the way to changes in B-movie monster conservation with the Intergalactic Endangered Conservation Act of 1997.
    • Host Segment: Tom and Crow want Jonah to build them a miniature city for them to reenact their kaiju fantasies. Jonah points out that there's a bunch of tiny city red tape to go through to obtain the appropriate permits.
    • Closing: Synthia believes that the movie's moral is, "Kill it with fire". Tom is disappointed over how movies like this are heavily edited so that they can be shown on basic cable.
  • Episode #506 - Eegah
    • Guest: Crow T. Robot from the Simulator of Love
    • Opening: Synthia asks Crow what it means to him to watch out for snakes. Crow gets all philosophical on the wide variety of snakes, including people with snake-like personalities.
    • Madvertisement: Tom Servo admires all of the scripts published by BearManor Media, including Bride of the Monster and The Brute Man. Crow announces the submission of his own script, which sounds awfully similar to This Island Earth.
    • Dr. Donna St. Phibes Presentation: While the desert Eegah of the American Southwest may have a simian appearance, its DNA most closely resembles that of a giraffe. Any swimming pools in an area with a large Eegah population should install a safety net around it, due to their poor swimming skills.
    • Host Segment: Tom and Crow argue about what designates an entity as a monster. Tom believes that, since he's a turtle (albeit a large one), Gamera is not a monster. Crow insists that the outrageous size difference compared to normal turtles qualifies him as a monster. Emily remarks that mindsets are more important and they wind up going down a rabbit hole.
    • Closing: Synthia isn't sure if Eegah's fate should be consider tragic or comedic. Crow's own reaction is eshtemlo, which means friendship.
  • Episode #316 - Gamera vs Zigra
    • Guest: Emily Connor from the Simulator of Love
    • Opening: Synthia asks Emily where she falls on the turtle personality continuum. This confuses Emily, so Synthia explains that it's a Myers-Briggs type test to determine which Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle you're most like. As the boring leader on the Simulator of Love, Emily concludes that she's most like Leonardo. This upsets her, so insists that she's nerdy enough to be a Donatello. Synthia is skeptical.
    • Madvertisement:Jonah informs the Bots that because Joey Drew Studios enjoyed their last Bendy commercial so highly, they would be receiving free Bendy merchandise. Tom admits that the proper phrase is swag.
    • Host Segment: Jonah and the Bots talk about the encounters they've had with the relatives of famous monsters and how they're usually quite amicable. Mothra's granddaughter Martha lived next door to Jonah when he was a kid. Tom lived in the same dorm as the Wolfman's brother Derek in college. Crow claims to have been in a writing group with Dracula's daughter, but Jonah and Tom are skeptical.
    • Dr. Donna St. Phibes Presentation: Dr. St. Phibes demonstrates her proficiency in speaking turtle language. The best way to interact safely with Gamera is to disguise yourself as a child. When not brawling with other kaiju, Gamera is into experimental rockabilly jazz. However, he gets hostile when Dr. St. Phibes asks about his kaiju battles.
    • Closing: Emily tries to pretend that she's a Raphael, but Synthia isn't fooled.
  • Episode #909 - Gorgo
    • Guest: M. Waverly
    • Opening: Synthia asks M. Waverly what his favorite London landmark is. He states that it's Big Ben, along with its scaled-down replica Little Benjamin. Synthia decides she doesn't like sharing the frame and knocks M. Waverly out of the way.
    • Madvertisement: Jonah is the GM for a session of They Came from Beneath the Sea. Tom believes the creature they face should be a 90-foot-tall Dolemite.
    • Host Segment: Emily and the Bots wonder how come we never see the clean-up operations that would presumably follow a monster rampage. Clearly, someone is making a mint off this. The only way to be sure is to check conspiracy theory Reddits on the internet.
    • Dr. Donna St. Phibes Presentation: Dr. St. Phibes reminds us that every monster has a mother, from Pamela Voorhees to Norma Bates. As for Gorgo's mom, she's a retired kindergarten teacher named Kristy.
    • Closing: Synthia loves all the destruction that was featured in the movie, and would lovingly destroy M. Waverly. Waverly remarks that his work break ended a half hour ago, so really must be going.
  • Episode #810 - The Giant Spider Invasion
    • Guest: GPC 1 from The Satellite of Love
    • Opening: Synthia asks GPC what her favorite size is. She replies that she has no particular preference, as she has been many sizes through her existence. This sends Synthia into Dad Joke Mode.
    • Madvertisement: Jonah informs the Bots that because Joey Drew Studios enjoyed their last Bendy commercial so highly, they would be receiving free Bendy merchandise. Tom insists that the correct term for licensed merchandise given out for free is swag. Jonah concurs, recalling the time a Red Hot Chili Peppers roadie offered him some excess t-shirts. Meanwhile, Crow continues his avaricious gloating over the licensed goodies coming his way.
    • Dr. Donna St. Phibes Presentation: The Giant Spider can be regarded as a mirror image of Spider-Man. While Spider-Man is a man possessing traits of a spider, the Giant Spider is a spider with the traits of a man. These include a propensity for invading, hairiness, and an unwillingness to ask for directions.
    • Host Segment: Tom and Crow are planning a dream vacation to Monster Island. Emily is concerned about the danger factor and would rather go to Skull Island, which has a Wolfgang Puck. But her enthusiasm wanes when Tom points out that she might get slated as a human sacrifice. Crow insinuates that she probably wouldn't meet the necessary standards anyway.
    • Closing: Synthia is beginning to exhibit Cheesehead traits (Packers!!!!!). GPC goes with the crowd (Packers!!!!!)

August, 2022 - "Not-So-Superhero Month"[]

  • Episode # 322 - Master Ninja I
    • Guest: Crow T. Robot from the Simulator of Love
    • Opening: Synthia fails to open with a question, leaving Crow confused. Synthia eventually relents and asks Crow what was the hardest thing he's smashed with his head. As his head is surprisingly fragile, Crow goes with balsa wood or particle board. Synthia is disgusted.
    • Madvertisement: Jonah informs the Bots that because Joey Drew Studios enjoyed their last Bendy commercial so highly, they would be receiving free Bendy merchandise. Tom insists that the correct term for licensed merchandise given out for free is swag. Jonah concurs, recalling the time a Red Hot Chili Peppers roadie offered him some excess t-shirts. Meanwhile, Crow continues his avaricious gloating over the licensed goodies coming his way.
    • Host Segment: Jonah, Tom, and Crow discuss the stressful nature of a superhero maintaining a secret identity, and how supervillains don't face similar pressures. Crow wonders if having a secret identity makes you a superhero in and of itself. If so, then Mrs. Doubtfire, Mark Twain, and Chris Gaines are superheroes.
    • Closing: Synthia loves any movie that opens with a guy thrown through a window. Crow was impressed with the cast, but Synthia doesn't remember anything after Timothy Van Patten getting thrown through a window.
    • Epilogue: Looking Back at The Master with Bill McKinney.
  • Episode #324 - Master Ninja II
    • Guest: Tom Servo from the Simulator of Love
    • Opening: Synthia asks Tom whether he thinks all turtles have the potential to be ninjas. Tom notes that turtles ar methodical, not slow. He places particular emphasis on the story of The Tortoise and the Hare. He then goes on about the variety of mutant critter cartoons from the 1980s and 1990s, which really makes Synthia think.
    • Madvertisement: Tom and Crow have purchased a large amount of Bendy merchandise using Max's credit card. Jonah is not pleased.
    • Host Segment: Crow thinks the best part of being a superhero is flying. Emily thinks it's helping your fellow human beings. Tom is contemptuously dismissive of these and prefers brooding next to a gargoyle on a Gothic building. Crow points out this grimdark superhero would need to fly to get up next to a gargoyle. Emily finds this solitary brooding pointless, as said superhero wouldn't have time to fight crime.
    • Closing: Synthia would like to have Lee Van Cleef as a sensei. Meanwhile, Tom has signed up as a ninja sensei for a turtle farm in the Everglades.
  • Episode #310 - Fugitive Alien
    • Guest: GPC from The Satellite of Love
    • Opening: Synthia finds Fugitive Alien to be much like the time she smushed a bunch of car parts together to form a toaster, in that it doesn't work. GPC is perturbed by the flippant regard towards forklift safety and requests that viewers not do moronic things with forklifts. Synthia can't stop thinking about forklift chess.
    • Madvertisement: Tom Servo wishes to have his memoirs transcribed by Jonah and submitted to BearManor.
    • Host Segment: Tom is convinced that Aquaman is no superhero, but rather a tyrannical slave master. Jonah steers the conversation to something less controversial, such as favorite comic books. Tom likes the X-Men, while Jonah is more into Thor. Crow's turns out to be Dagwood Bumstead. Tom and Jonah are skeptical that Dagwood is a superhero. Crow points out his ability to eat massive sandwiches. Garfield however is a supervillain, powered by his hatred of Mondays. As for Cathy, the sweat that pops out whenever she says, "Ack!" can melt flesh. Jughead has the same power suite as Daredevil. Tintin makes people aware that Belgium exists.
    • Closing: Synthia thinks Rita deserved her fate. GPC is about to expound on her thoughts about love when Synthia decides that there's no time left and reminds everyone that castling in forklift chess is a bad idea.
  • Episode #819 - Invasion of the Neptune Men
    • Prologue: Snippets from the original Uchû Kaisokusen in Japanese.
    • Guest: Emily Connor from the Simulator of Love
    • Opening: Synthia thinks the planet Neptune is kind of a jerk. Emily posits that it may be because it's so cold and distant. But at least it's not Uranus. Synthia reacts with self-righteous and hypocritical disgust at this attempt at scatological humor
    • Madvertisement: Jonah is the GM for a session of They Came from Beneath the Sea. Tom believes the creature they face should be a 90-foot-tall Dolemite.
    • Host Segment: Jonah's explanation of how Dick Grayson went from being Robin to Nightwing is met with dismissive contempt from Tom and Crow. They're more interested in action than character backstories and have placed a bomb on the satellite. Jonah is pressured into either defusing the bomb or continuing his explanation of the Batman franchise.
    • Closing: Synthia is still mad at Emily. Emily is in shock over how badly her little Uranus joke went over. Synthia cuts it short before it can go to crap any further.
    • Epilogue: Mary Jo on Invasion of the Neptune Men.
  • Episode #816 - Prince of Space
    • Guest: Pearl Forrester
    • Opening: Synthia asks Pearl how it feels to be Queen of Space. Pearl is disgusted with this sycophantic approach and reminds her that their relationship is strictly evil genius/sniveling minion. She considers herself more of a Space Empress. Synthia still doesn't get it, much to Pearl's annoyance.
    • Madvertisement: Tom Servo admires all of the scripts published by BearManor Media, including Bride of the Monster and The Brute Man. Crow announces the submission of his own script, which sounds awfully similar to This Island Earth.
    • Host Segment: Emily asks Crow if he consumed her stash of Thin Mints. Crow points out that, in the Multiverse, there are a potentially infinite number of Crows. Maybe one of them did it. Emily is skeptical since she found an empty Thin Mint box in his room. Turns out it really was a Crow from a parallel universe.
    • Closing: Synthia likes Krankor's laugh. Pearl disagrees, but Synthia couldn't care less.
  • Episode #515 - The Wild Wild World of Batwoman
    • Guest: M. Waverly
    • Opening: Synthia thinks the movie oversells the whole wild thing. She asks M. Waverly who he'd eavesdrop on if he had an atomic powered hearing aid. He'd listen on anyone with an Irish accent because it's soothing. Synthia gives that a thumbs down and would rather listen in to the backstage at a Fleetwood Mac concert.
    • Madvertisement: Tom's character handles a nasty monster encounter by providing talk therapy.
    • Host Segment: Tom and Crow have Batman Throat, which makes them talk like Nolan-era Batman. What's more, they start behaving like Nolan-era Batman. Tea with lemon is the only cure.
    • Closing: Synthia thinks the movie was still better than The Dark Knight Rises. M. Waverly believes there wasn't enough wild and leaves before Synthia can hurt him.

September, 2022 - "Espionage & Intrigue"[]

  • Episode #1008 - Final Justice
    • Guest: Emily Connor
    • Opening: Synthia asks Emily what the deal is with Joe Don Baker. Emily remarks that, whatever his deal is, it was better in Tomorrow Never Dies than Final Justice and gives a Bronx cheer. Synthia finds this both boring and confusing.
    • Madvertisement: Jonah informs the Bots that because Joey Drew Studios enjoyed their last Bendy commercial so highly, they would be receiving free Bendy merchandise. Tom insists that the correct term for licensed merchandise given out for free is swag. Jonah concurs, recalling the time a Red Hot Chili Peppers roadie offered him some excess t-shirts. Meanwhile, Crow continues his avaricious gloating over the licensed goodies coming his way.
    • Host Segment: Crow thinks he's a trained killing machine in the vein of Jason Bourne. Emily insists that it's better for him to be just Crow. Tom thinks he's a better fit as The Manchurian Candidate. This causes Crow to try and figure out his sleeper agent trigger word. Turns out it's Kayne West.
    • Closing: Synthia concludes that Joe Don Baker's deal is that he just shoots everyone, which she finds relatable. Emily suggests that maybe they should ask each other what their respective deals are. Synthia expresses her contempt.
  • Episode #608 - Code Name: Diamond Head
    • Guest: Jonah Heston
    • Opening: Synthia notes that you should stay away from snakes with a diamond head and asks Jonah what he likes to stay away from. Not including Kinga and Max, he likes to stay away from hibernating bears, the cold vacuum of space, and Jim (whoever he is). Synthia reminds him that these interviews are mandatory and fun.
    • Madvertisement: Jonah is the GM for a session of They Came from Beneath the Sea. Tom believes the creature they face should be a 90-foot-tall Dolemite.
    • Host Segment: Emily and her Bots are disgusted by how the names of the most famous Bond Girls are unsubtle double-entendres. GPC notes that they should start off by calling them Bond Women. She states that her own Bond Woman name would be Bridget Leanin'. Other suggestions include Professor Shannon Work-Life-Balance, Agent Lee-qual Pay, and Jane Bond. They then go about showing off their Sean Connery impressions.
    • Closing: Synthia notes how Ian McShane when on to better projects like Lovejoy and Kung Fu Panda. Jonah asks her to switch the water back on, as he hasn't showered for days and he's getting ripe. Synthia laughs at his suffering.
  • Episode #620 - Danger!! Death Ray
    • Guest: Pearl Forrester
    • Opening: Synthia asks Pearl if she would want to put Synthia in danger or a death ray. Pearl suggests that she stop eating cold cream and, though want is a strong word, the answer is yes concerning danger. As for a death ray, she reminisces about how she once drove a '63 Stingray but had to destroy it. Synthia finds it beautiful.
    • Madvertisement: Jonah and Crow list some of the aquatic monsters in They Came from Beneath the Sea. Tom appears to be getting into it with what appears to be a razor-wielding octopus costume. However, he insists that it's his typical nighttime outfit and that any resemblance to the RPG is just coincidental.
    • Host Segment: Crow insists that Emily getting the last doughnut was his fiendish plan all along, because he previously licked all the doughnuts. Tom insists that what Crow licked was plastic explosives disguised as doughnuts. Emily finds this constant double-crossing to be exhausting and thinks they should stop, unless that's what she wants them to think. Evil laughter commences.
    • Closing: Synthia wishes she was Bart Fargo, and then gets going with juvenile mispronunciations. This annoys Pearl immensely.
  • Episode #314 - Mighty Jack
    • Guest: Tom Servo
    • Opening: Synthia asks Tom how the hot ice featured in the movie can even be possible. Tom expounds on how great hot ice is, particularly on how you can add it to hot beverages. Synthia would crush it into crushed hot ice, which she's sure everyone will hate.
    • Madvertisement: Tom Servo admires all of the scripts published by BearManor Media, including Bride of the Monster and The Brute Man. Crow announces the submission of his own script, which sounds awfully similar to This Island Earth.
    • Host Segment: Tom and Crow claim to be agents of HIASHAY (Hello I Am A Spy How Are You) and that Jonah is coming with them. They insist that he put a bag over his head, to which he complies.
    • Closing: Synthia thinks Mighty Jack is a terrible name for a spy agency and should have at least been Mightiest Jack. Tom uses this as an opportunity to make a lame Titanic joke. This upsets Synthia.
  • Episode #602 - Invasion USA
    • Guest: M. Waverly
    • Opening: Synthia asks Waverly if he's ever been hypnotised. Waverly claims that, though there have been many attempts, none have been successful. He attributes this to having a single eye. Pearl has hypnotized Synthia multiple times, and any random conversation can activate one of her trigger words. Waverly discovers that one of them is Baskerville, which causes her to quack like a duck.
    • Madvertisement: The plush Bendy has arrived from Joey Drew Studios, along with a Bendy drawstring bag. It disturbs Jonah, and Tom and Crow dispute on how to distribute their licensed goods.
    • Host Segment: Crow insists that only lousy henchmen are cannon fodder, while a good henchman should be more durable. Tom adds that they should learn the value of gang-up attacks. But the Wilhelm Scream is still mandatory if they're defeated. Tom insists that Jonah and Crow are his henchmen, something to which they object.
    • Closing: Synthia is upset that she couldn't stop quacking for the first ten minutes, so Waverly makes himself scarce.
    • Epilogue: Zugsmith Confidential (from Ballyhoo Motion Pictures).
  • Episode #508 - Operation Double 007 (as Operation Kid Brother)
    • Guest: Crow T. Robot
    • Opening: Synthia asks Crow what it's like to have a more famous older brother. Crow is shocked to find out that he doesn't have an older brother and is upset that he learned this from Synthia, which fills her with delight.
    • Madvertisement: Tom Servo and Crow are too preoccupied with organizing Crow's laserdisc collection. This leaves Jonah to recite the ad material given by BearManor Media leadenly.
    • Host Segment: Tom thinks the best thing about being a spy is the code names. Jonah's would be Viper, while Tom's would be Bazooka, and Crow's would be Daryl Hannah. Jonah points out that there already is a Daryl Hannah, but Crow does his Connery to show how cool it sounds. Tom prefers George Lazenby himself, but Jonah and Crow can't stop it with Connery impressions
    • Closing: Synthia offers to order Crow an older brother for twelve bucks. Crow decides that he likes being an only child. Synthia isn't convinced that he's over it.
    • Epilogue: DVD extra introduction of Operation Double 007 by Joel Hodgson

October, 2022 - "Halloween Horror"[]

  • Episode #513 - The Brain That Wouldn't Die
    • Guest: Tom Servo
    • Opening: Synthia asks Tom what type of brain he would have. Tom is conflicted over deciding between one that can fly and one that can turn invisible. He'd prefer a Brian, specifically Brian Bonsall. Synthia is annoyed that he doesn't care about Bonsall's connection to Tina Yothers.
    • Madvertisement: The ad copy Jonah reads proclaims Bendy to be innocent and nostalgic. Tom and Crow swiftly disabuse him of this belief, using exceedingly improper innuendo.
    • Host Segment: Tom stresses out over how Halloween is on a Monday this year because of school. Crow gripes over how, after a long day at the sauerkraut factory, he's expected to take Tom trick-or-treating. Emily admonishes them for being so self-absorbed and missing out on the true meaning of Halloween.
    • Closing: Synthia is disgusted with how Jan had to put up with Bill's emotional issues. Tom wants to switch his Brian to Brian Dennehy, but Synthia turns down his request.
  • Episode #806 - The Undead
    • Guest: Crow T. Robot
    • Opening: Synthia opines that anything living is technically undead and asks Crow for his take. This blows Crow's mind, who adds that this means the undead are also un-un-alive and un-un-undead. He also notes that magic of any type often ends up being a devil's bargain that should be used un-un-un-uncarefully. Synthia is left confused by this excessive use of prefixes.
    • Madvertisement: Tom's character handles a nasty monster encounter by providing talk therapy.
    • Host Segment: Tom and Crow are stressed out over how most every horror franchise ends up going into space, though Emily thinks they're overreacting. She points out that the real dangers of space are things like sudden depressurization. Surprisingly, this doesn't help.
    • Closing: Synthia revels over how being a clone means she doesn't have to worry about past lives. Crow worries about dreaming of his former electric lives, and what if he had previously been an air fryer. Synthia finds this intriguing.
  • Episode #423 - Bride of the Monster
    • Guest: Pearl Forrester
    • Opening: Synthia asks Pearl if she'll ever settle down and tie the knot. Pearl opines that no one can tie her down, as her many deceased husbands learned too late. Pearl is further perturbed by Synthia insisting on the continuation of her entertainment reporter delusion and pleads that she give it up. Synthia misses the point.
    • Madvertisement: Jonah is a fan of BearManor Media biographies, which include celebrities such as Marjoe Gortner and Lee Van Cleef. Tom Servo believes BearManor should publish his biography and goes full-on Roy Batty.
    • Host Segment: Tom's favorite part of Halloween is divvying up the candy haul. Crow is more about eating it. Tom disagrees, delighting in obsessive organization. However, he worries about whether a blow pop counts as a candy or a gum, so categorizes it as a chimera. Lame stuff like pennies and toothbrushes go to the incinerator. Emily is tired of all this sorting and just wants some candy.
    • Closing: Synthia thinks all movies should end with a nuclear explosion, because that's how she believes the world will end. Pearl decides that some tough love is in order and threatens to start her own competing wrap show. Synthia meekly complies.
    • Epilogue: Citizen Wood: Making the Bride, Unmaking the Legend (from Ballyhoo Motion Pictures)
  • Episode #603 - The Dead Talk Back
    • Guest: Synthia Forrester
    • Opening: Synthia introduces herself as the guest. Synthia-B goes on about the trials of her early, mugless hosting gigs. Synthia cuts her off, noting that they're short on time, to which Synthia-B concedes.
    • Madvertisement: Crow wants to play as a half-merman/half-centaur in They Came from Beneath the Sea. Jonah believes it is too complex and advises using a human character instead. Crow responds by presenting a figure who combines the top half of a merman and a centaur.
    • Host Segment: Crow is apparently incensed over misanthropes implanting sharp objects in Halloween goodies. Jonah is skeptical that such shenanigans occur. Crow then details better ways to go about danger treats, and that the Zagnut is more ideal for concealing blades. Tom continues this line of thought by suggesting the insertion of thumbtacks in Skittles. Jonah chooses to abstain from Halloween candy.
    • Closing: Synthia wonders if the dead can sing and dance as well as talk back. Synthia-B recounts her own prior song-and-dance career. Synthia decides it's a good time to cut things short.
    • Epilogue: Myron Natwick Talks Back
  • Episode #206 - Ring of Terror
    • Guest: Tom Servo
    • Opening: Synthia asks Tom what's the deal with the movie's ring. Tom details its origin in Norse mythology. This confuses Synthia, as it has no bearing on a lame fraternity pledge. Instead, she believes the ring is more in the sense of a society. Tom insists he was talking about the original Ring of Terror that is marathon-style Wagnerian opera and is upset over having watched the whole thing. Synthia offers her consolations.
    • Madvertisement: Tom Servo wishes to have his memoirs transcribed by Jonah and submitted to BearManor.
    • Host Segment: Jonah hosts his own Jaycees-style haunted house. Tom and Corw are unenthused and don't care for the blindfolds. Jonah convinces Crow that a bowl of spaghetti sauce is really motor oil and Tom that a bowl of noodles is stripped wires. This makes the Bots want to hurl. Jonah concludes with the human eyeball gag.
    • Closing: Synthia asks Tom if he's ever considered going bulb-free. Tom gives and unenthusiastic yes but would rather give purpose to his Wagner ordeal. Synthia couldn't care less.
    • Epilogue: Lugosi Creeps: Making a Sinister Serial (from Ballyhoo Motion Pictures)
  • Episode #320 - The Unearthly
    • Guest: Jonah Heston
    • Opening: Synthia asks Jonah when he prefers to go to bed. Jonah notes that life in space has screwed up his circadian rhythms and his sleep patterns are highly erratic. Synthia is indifferent
    • Madvertisement: Tom and Crow have purchased a large amount of Bendy merchandise using Max's credit card. Jonah is not pleased.
    • Host Segment: Tom and Crow are performing a seance, of which Jonah disapproves. He finds the choice of chanting "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" odd. This is because their intent is to summon one of the great women of history like Joan of Arc. Jonah's interference results in Tom being possessed by some random woman named Joan from Arkansas, who offers some sweet tea. Jonah is game, though Crow is upset.
    • Closing: Synthia thinks Dr. Conway's experiments were actually quite earthly. Jonah asks for a white noise machine to see if it'll help him sleep. Synthia gives him a big No.

November, 2022 - "Nothing as It Seems"[]

As part of the Nothing as It Seems theme, hosting duties alternate between Pearl, Synthia, and Mega-Synthia.

  • Episode #205 - Rocket Attack U.S.A.
    • Guest: Emily Connor
    • Opening: Pearl is a bit lost on how to work this hosting gig and asks Emily if she's ever made a model rocket. She has, and only just last week. Though it was more trying to stop Crow from setting one off indoors. Meanwhile, Tom made a video recording of their arguing over the matter. Bottom line, there was a small fire, and the Simulator of Love needs a shipment of paper towels. Pearl is indifferent and denies the requisition.
    • Madvertisement: Jonah is the GM for a session of They Came from Beneath the Sea. Tom believes the creature they face should be a 90-foot-tall Dolemite.
    • Host Segment: Jonah appears to to be obsessing over the distances between various cities in relation to Denver. Tom and Crow think he's concocting some weird conspiracy theory, but he's just planning out a road trip for when he returns to Earth. Though Jonah is convinced that Michael Jackson is the love child of Diana Ross and Smokey Robinson.
    • Closing: Pearl got a warm, fuzzy upon seeing Manhattan being reduced to a glass crater. Meanwhile, Emily requests a food shipment, as Tom and Crow have oversalted all the current supplies for a segment in their new prank show. Pearl again turns her down.
  • Episode #306 - Time of the Apes
    • Guest: Jonah Heston
    • Opening: Synthia asks Jonah what type of ape he is. This annoys Jonah, who points out all his human attributes. All this does is cause Synthia to think of how he reminds her of Grape Ape.
    • Madvertisement: Tom Servo admires all of the scripts published by BearManor Media, including Bride of the Monster and The Brute Man. Crow announces the submission of his own script, which sounds awfully similar to This Island Earth.
    • Host Segment: Nothing as It Seems Month has Tom believing that their current reality is just his dream. Crow points out that could be his own dream. This annoys Jonah, which gets him thinking this might be an Inception scenario.
    • Closing: Synthia points out how all the apes in the movie resemble Jonah. Jonah gives up and resigns himself to Synthia believing that he's an ape. Synthia thinks he's being whiny.
    • Epilogue: August Ragone explains the origins of Time of the Apes.
  • Episode #421 - Monster A-Go Go
    • Guest: Crow T. Robot
    • Opening: Mega-Synthia asks Crow if the Monster A-Go Go put the bomp in the bomp bomp bomp bomp bomp. While Crow acknowledges that as a possibility, it could have also formed spontaneously or may be self-creating. These convoluted theories annoy Mega-Synthia.
    • Madvertisement: The plush Bendy has arrived from Joey Drew Studios, along with a Bendy drawstring bag. It disturbs Jonah, and Tom and Crow dispute on how to distribute their licensed goods.
    • Host Segment: While Jonah and Tom talk about how poorly the TGIF programming block from the 1990s has aged, Crow makes the startling announcement that he's been dead the whole time, as he has no pulse. Jonah points out that robots don't have pulses. But to their shock, Tom has one.
    • Closing: Mega-Synthia was surprised at the lack of grooviness, considering the title. Crow continues on the theories of grooveadelics and how they might uncover what happened to the Transylvania Twist. Mega-Synthia tells him to shut up.
  • Episode #701 - Night of the Blood Beast
    • Guest: Tom Servo
    • Opening: Pearl thinks the movie's title is goofy. Tom points out that it's always night in space, so there's always a Night of Something. Pearl does not appreciate this know-it-all attitude.
    • Madvertisement: Tom Servo and Crow are too preoccupied with organizing Crow's laserdisc collection. This leaves Jonah to recite the ad material given by BearManor Media leadenly.
    • Host Segment: On board the Simulator of Love, Emily puts on a yellow jumpsuit and glasses to convince Tom and Crow that she's really Jonah. Crow points out she doesn't have his bad breath or his deeper voice or his height. Dejected, she leaves to be replaced with Jonah in an ill-fitting purple jumpsuit claiming to be Emily.
    • Closing: Pearl notes that Roger Corman was the real Blood Beast all along. She asks Tom for final thoughts, but he too involved with his Heath Ledger retrospective. Pearl doesn't care.
  • Episode #523 - Village of the Giants
    • Guest: Jonah Heston
    • Opening: Mega-Synthia asks Jonah if they've been subjected to the same growth as the delinquents in the movie. Jonah notes that above average height is more a genetic trait than something that comes from eating weird goo and expresses his annoyance on being asked about weather conditions up there. Mega-Synthia agrees that it's a stupid question.
    • Madvertisement: Jonah informs the Bots that because Joey Drew Studios enjoyed their last Bendy commercial so highly, they would be receiving free Bendy merchandise. Tom insists that the correct term for licensed merchandise given out for free is swag. Jonah concurs, recalling the time a Red Hot Chili Peppers roadie offered him some excess t-shirts. Meanwhile, Crow continues his avaricious gloating over the licensed goodies coming his way.
    • Host Segment: Emily is perplexed at receiving a stack of paper when she thought Tom and Crow wanted to play a game. They explain that they are playing The Game and the papers are a contract which she should sign. Emily does not care for some of the listed clauses, like giving permission to get framed for embezzlement. Tom points out it'll spice up her humdrum life, so she signs. However, it's not clear when The Game starts.
    • Closing: Mega-Synthia is perplexed by the name of Ron Howard's character and asks what Jonah thinks. Jonah is pleased on their finding common ground and suggests further socialization possibilities. Mega-Synthia sees this as a lame escape attempt and turns him down.
    • Epilogue: Interview with Joy Harmon.
  • Episode #607 - Bloodlust!
    • Guest: GPC
    • Opening: Synthia asks GPC about her hobbies. Turns out she has a lot, and isn't sure if she should list them alphabetically or in the order she picked them up or some other arcane criteria. But her most favorite hobby is telling people about her hobbies. Synthia finds this to be a bit much.
    • Madvertisement: Jonah and Crow list some of the aquatic monsters in They Came from Beneath the Sea. Tom appears to be getting into it with what appears to be a razor-wielding octopus costume. However, he insists that it's his typical nighttime outfit and that any resemblance to the RPG is just coincidental.
    • Host Segment: Crow, Tom and Emily discuss the possibility that all life is just a simulation. Emily is touched when Tom states that while the Simulator of Love started out as a "simulation house", it has become a "simulation home". Crow extrapolates their simulated life may just be a simulation inside a simulation, etc. This causes the crew to question reality, before dismissing the theory and going for some food.
    • Closing: Synthia regrets ever opening the can of worms that is GPC's hobbies. Turns out she also cans worms. Synthia is amused by how GPC ended up saying can twice in succession.
    • Note: The initial upload of this episode of Synthia's Selects did not include the host segment. The episode was later updated with the same host segment as Night of the Blood Beast and then again with the correct host segment.

December, 2022 - "Winter/Wonderlands"[]

Synthia only hosts two of the episodes and takes the guest position in two others.

  • Episode #1104 - Avalanche
    • Host:Kinga Forrester
    • Guest: Synthia Forrester
    • Opening: Kinga asks Synthia if she's more of a Rock Hudson or a Mia Farrow. Synthia is too distressed over Kinga taking over the show to give a response. Kinga determines that this makes her a Jeanette Nolan. Synthia continues to express her resentment, but Kinga doesn't care.
    • Madvertisement: Tom Servo wishes to have his memoirs transcribed by Jonah and submitted to BearManor.
    • Host Segment: Jonah notes that snow isn't really needed for a good holiday season. But Crow really wants to build a snowman, which would be fun. Tom wants to add in a magic hat to bring it to life so that it can do their bidding as an unthinking automaton. Crow adds that could build an army, which thrills Tom. This talk unsettles Jonah.
    • Closing: Reveling in the disasterocalypse that they've just watched, Kinga asks Synthia for final thoughts. Still upset, Synthia refuses to answer. Kinga becomes bored with being the host, so gives it back to Synthia.
  • Episode #813 - Jack Frost
    • Host:Pearl Forrester
    • Guest: Synthia Forrester
    • Opening: Pearl can't decide how the movie stacks up against the Michael Keaton movie with the same title. Since Pearl didn't lead with a question as is usual, Synthia tries to improvise. Pearl isn't impressed.
    • Madvertisement: The plush Bendy has arrived from Joey Drew Studios, along with a Bendy drawstring bag. It disturbs Jonah, and Tom and Crow dispute on how to distribute their licensed goods.
    • Host Segment: Crow resents the presence of an Elf on the Shelf that Emily placed on the desk. Tom warns him that if he isn't more discrete, it'll mean a stocking full of coal. This has Crow consider employing gangsta tactics as he storms off. Alone, Tom offers to be a snitch for a cut of the toys.
    • Closing: Pearl thinks the stepmother was the real hero of the movie. She asks Synthia why no one appreciates their elders. This catches Synthia off guard and fills her with shame. Pearl doesn't care.
  • Episode #422 - The Day the Earth Froze
    • Host:Synthia Forrester
    • Guest: Tom Servo
    • Opening: Noting the Scandinavian origins of the movie, Tom goes on about other exports from that region, like grim crime dramas and modular furniture. Having shown off his studying, he now needs confirmation. Synthia refuses.
    • Madvertisement: Jonah and Crow list some of the aquatic monsters in They Came from Beneath the Sea. Tom appears to be getting into it with what appears to be a razor-wielding octopus costume. However, he insists that it's his typical nighttime outfit and that any resemblance to the RPG is just coincidental.
    • Host Segment: Crow decides that this year, Christmas will play second fiddle to Boxing Day. However, this is because he believes it's about fisticuffs rather than charitable giving. Emily thinks he just made it up, but gets into the spirit. Tom points out that December 26 is also St. Steven's Day, but he's more looking forward to Walpurgisnacht.
    • Closing: Synthia remarks on how the movie makes you think about the importance of the sun. Meanwhile, wants to know if his Scandinavia presentation got an A+. Synthia refuses to tell.
  • Episode #516 - Alien from L.A.
    • Host:Mega-Synthia
    • Guest: Crow T. Robot
    • Opening: Mega-Synthia is perplexed by an Alien from L.A. having Ireland as a surname and insists they pick a place. Crow tries picking places, but isn't sure as to the specific rules. Having spontaneously invented a party game, Mega-Synthia decides to trademark it.
    • Madvertisement: Tom Servo and Crow are too preoccupied with organizing Crow's laserdisc collection. This leaves Jonah to recite the ad material given by BearManor Media leadenly.
    • Host Segment: Jonah is explaining It's a Wonderful Life to the Bots. Tom asks if Pottersville is a fully realized alternate timeline that continues to exist. Crow thinks Pottersville is a much cooler place than Bedford Falls. Tom is intrigued by how Pottersville Mary is both a librarian and single. Jonah is perturbed by this line of thought.
    • Closing: Mega-Synthia asks Crow his opinion on steam baths. Crow thinks they take too long and regards a steam shower as more ideal.
  • Episode #208 - Lost Continent
    • Host:Mega-Synthia
    • Guest: Tom Servo
    • Opening: Mega-Synthia insists that she's the one making viewers watch this. She then asks Tom how you lose a continent. Tom insists that's it's possible to lose anything, and he just lost his marbles (as in tiny spheres) and a bunch of other stuff. Turns out Crow stole it all as part of a prank. Mega-Synthia loses interest in his blather.
    • Madvertisement: Tom and Crow have purchased a large amount of Bendy merchandise using Max's credit card. Jonah is not pleased
    • Host Segment: Jonah explains Santa's Naughty and Nice Lists. But since coal is falling out of favor as an energy source, will naughty kids receive natural gas or tar sands? Crow thinks getting coal wouldn't be so bad, since by applying sufficient heat and pressure, it'll become a diamond. Meanwhile, Tom gets hung up on the environmental implications.
    • Closing: Mega-Synthia is inspired to create a Triassic Park, seeing no downsides. Tom wants to be an early investor, but Mega-Synthia tells him to wait his turn and reminds viewers that she controls all of their choices.
  • Episode #503 - Swamp Diamonds
    • Host: Synthia Forrester
    • Guest: Mega-Synthia
    • Opening: On the subject of the movie's woman-on-woman violence, Synthia asks Mega-Synthia why she's stealing the show. Mega-Synthia points out that it wasn't explicitly prohibited.
    • Madvertisement: Tom's character handles a nasty monster encounter by providing talk therapy.
    • Host Segment: Crow has updated the lyrics of "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" and made it about the hazards of doing a spacewalk without a spacesuit. Christmas also gets renamed Crowday.
    • Closing: Synthia notes how the movie's alternate title was Swamp Women. She gets rid of Mega-Synthia by miming a fetch throw.

January, 2023 - "Tech Run Amok"[]

Hosting duties alternate between Pearl, Synthia, and Mega-Synthia.

  • Episode #518 - The Atomic Brain
    • Guest: Jonah Heston
    • Opening: Synthia asks Jonah which of his body parts he would like to be atomic. Jonah rejects his initial choices of tongue and ears due to the potential sensory overload. He settles on his neck, to counter Crow's judo chops. Synthia chooses her heart, so that it won't be broken.
    • Madvertisement: The plush Bendy has arrived from Joey Drew Studios, along with a Bendy drawstring bag. It disturbs Jonah, and Tom and Crow dispute on how to distribute their licensed goods.
    • Host Segment: The Wi-Fi blinked out, and now Emily has to scroll through some of the very odd network names and figure which one to connect her laptop. The one called Bless You causes Emily to sneeze.
    • Closing: Synthia remarks on how Pearl keeps telling her she needs to get a brain transplant. After having seen the movie, Jonah decides he course use some atomic eyes.
  • Episode #1005 - Blood Waters of Dr. Z
    • Guest: Mega-Synthia
    • Opening: Pearl asks Mega-Synthia if she's ever eaten a walking catfish and if so, how it was prepared. Mega-Synthia did once have a walking taco. The fact that it didn't actually walk made for an unsatisfying culinary experience. She also implies that she destroyed the snack shop where she purchased it. Pearl approves.
    • Madvertisement: Jonah is the GM for a session of They Came from Beneath the Sea. Tom believes the creature they face should be a 90-foot-tall Dolemite.
    • Host Segment: Emily is showing Tom and Crow Polaroids of themselves going about their business on the Simulator of Love as a substitute for Instagram. It gets awkward when she attempts to do a Story.
    • Closing: Pearl declares that, if sargassum is the weed of deceit, then rock weeds are the algae of love. Mega-Synthia wonders what it would be like if every fish could walk.
  • Episode #623 - The Amazing Transparent Man
    • Guest: Tom Servo
    • Opening: Synthia asks Tom, "Men: Amazing and/or Transparent?" Thanks to his visual sensors, all men are transparent to him. But there are very few that he's found amazing, certainly not as amazing as himself. he also considers women to be quite amazing. Synthia finds this to be a bit much.
    • Madvertisement: Jonah and Crow list some of the aquatic monsters in They Came from Beneath the Sea. Tom appears to be getting into it with what appears to be a razor-wielding octopus costume. However, he insists that it's his typical nighttime outfit and that any resemblance to the RPG is just coincidental.
    • Host Segment: Emily finds that Tom and Crow are behind on their systems updates. Tom decides that he's through with getting more systems updates. Both get offended when Emily suggests that some of their personality quirks are a result of outdated software and resolve to not update out of spite. This is followed with their operations suddenly becoming buggy.
    • Closing: Synthia asks Tom what he would do. Tom finds that he can now see through Synthia as well. Turns out she just ducked out of frame.
  • Episode #110 - Robot Holocaust
    • Guest: Crow T. Robot
    • Opening: Mega-Synthia asks Crow if he's as tired of robots as she is. Turns out he is, because he thinks he should be the only robot, as all other robots are clearly inferior. Mega-Synthia approves.
    • Madvertisement: Tom Servo and Crow are too preoccupied with organizing Crow's laserdisc collection. This leaves Jonah to recite the ad material given by BearManor Media leadenly.
    • Host Segment: Tom and Crow appear to be losing functionality. Jonah panics, as he's never had to do any significant maintenance on either of them. In reality, they're just messing with him.
    • Closing: Mega-Synthia thinks the movie had way too many humans in it. Crow agrees. Mega-Synthia becomes even more inarticulate.
  • Episode #211 - First Spaceship on Venus
    • Guest: Tom Servo
    • Opening: Pearl asks Tom if he were on the first spaceship to somewhere, where would it be. Tom speculates on landing a spaceship at top of Mount Everest or Spaceship Earth at the Epcot Center. Ultimately, he goes for the juvenile option of Uranus. Pearl is disgusted.
    • Madvertisement: Tom Servo admires all of the scripts published by BearManor Media, including Bride of the Monster and The Brute Man. Crow announces the submission of his own script, which sounds awfully similar to This Island Earth.
    • Host Segment: Jonah is having trouble with the pneumatic transfer and calls Tech Support. This consists of GPC saying that his call is very important and humming phone hold Muzak. The only way to get actual help is for Jonah to apologize for swiping her chocolate stash.
    • Closing: Pearl realizes that the movie was essentially an East German version of WALL-E. Tom has nothing but contempt for machines that keep doing work long after their masters have ceased existing. He then tries another Uranus gag. Pearl is not pleased.
  • Episode #319 - War of the Colossal Beast
    • Guest: GPC
    • Opening: Mega-Synthia asks GPC why she is her number one colossal beast. GPC goes to sycophant mode and proclaims that all kaiju pale in comparison to Mega-Synthia. Mega-Synthia gets a bit maudlin.
    • Madvertisement: Jonah informs the Bots that because Joey Drew Studios enjoyed their last Bendy commercial so highly, they would be receiving free Bendy merchandise. Tom insists that the correct term for licensed merchandise given out for free is swag. Jonah concurs, recalling the time a Red Hot Chili Peppers roadie offered him some excess t-shirts. Meanwhile, Crow continues his avaricious gloating over the licensed goodies coming his way.
    • Host Segment: Emily believes that she has all the tech issues that have been cropping up under control. Only now Tom and Crow find that their voices and personalities have switched bodies and it gets ugly.
    • Closing: Mega-Synthia appears to be upset that Glenn had to die. GPC attempts to console her. However, Mega-Synthia sees it as less competition for the title of the Number One Colossus.

February, 2023 - "Doomed Lovers"[]

Hosting duties alternate between Pearl, Synthia, and Mega-Synthia.

  • Episode #509 - The Girl in Lovers Lane
    • Guest: Emily Connor
    • Opening: Mega-Synthia asks Emily why The Girl in Lovers Lane is her favorite rom-com. Emily informs her that her actual favorite rom-com is Never Been Kissed and The Girl in Lovers Lane more about the seedy underbelly of 1950s America. Mega-Synthia takes umbrage at this impertinence, as she regards murders and pool hall fights as components of a perfect date.
    • Madvertisement: Tom Servo admires all of the scripts published by BearManor Media, including Bride of the Monster and The Brute Man. Crow announces the submission of his own script, which sounds awfully similar to This Island Earth.
    • Host Segment: Misunderstanding the term star-crossed lovers, Tom and Crow are miffed at how giant balls of superhot gases dare meddle in the affairs of the human heart. Emily tries to clear things up, but to no avail. Crow confuses Betelgeuse with Beetlejuice.
    • Closing: Mega-Synthia finds that the unrelenting bleakness made the film less romantic than she was expecting. Emily thinks the presence of Drew Barrymore could have improved things. Mega-Synthia agrees.
  • Episode #408 - Hercules Unchained
    • Guest: Tom Servo
    • Opening: Synthia asks Tom if he's ever seen Hercules when unchained. Tom prefers Hercules Unplugged, and particularly admires his cover of "The Man Who Sold the World".
    • Madvertisement: The ad copy Jonah reads proclaims Bendy to be innocent and nostalgic. Tom and Crow swiftly disabuse him of this belief, using exceedingly improper innuendo.
    • Host Segment: Emily is enthusiastic for the upcoming Valentine's Day. Crow is terrified of the prospect of a bow-wielding winged infant being at large. Tom is perturbed by how Cupid has been granted the power to dictate the flow of love. Crow fears that the air ducts are now infested with Cupids. But since he and Tom are metal, they don't have to worry about the arrows. Meatbag Emily is not so fortunate.
    • Closing: Synthia is unhappy about what happened to the tigers in the movie. Tom speculates on the logistics of litter box training a tiger.
  • Episode #1002 - Girl in Gold Boots
    • Guest: Emily Connor
    • Opening: Pearl asks Emily what it's like to have zero fashion sense. Emily insists that, in spite of her purple jumpsuit, she does know a thing or two about fashion and goes into some detail. Pearl informs her that the question was not an invitation to tell her life story.
    • Madvertisement: Jonah is a fan of BearManor Media biographies, which include celebrities such as Marjoe Gortner and Lee Van Cleef. Tom Servo believes BearManor should publish his biography and goes full-on Roy Batty.
    • Host Segment: Tom and Crow have created a Hunks of the SoL calendar. Jonah is confused by how January features a picture of a ladder. Turns out the Bots have a different idea of what constitutes a hunk or being on the Satellite of Live.
    • Closing: Pearl notes that at least the movie did feature a girl who wore gold boots. Emily is frustrated over how she can't find her fancy dress Zubaz.
  • Episode #414 - Tormented
    • Guest: GCP-1
    • Opening: Mega-Synthia asks GPC when was the last time she was tormented. GPC explains that it's more the accumulation of minor annoyances regarding Crow's eating habits. Mega-Synthia thinks she should break his jaw to teach him a lesson.
    • Madvertisement: Crow wants to play as a half-merman/half-centaur in They Came from Beneath the Sea. Jonah believes it is too complex and advises using a human character instead. Crow responds by presenting a figure who combines the top half of a merman and a centaur.
    • Host Segment: Tom and Crow tell Emily that they're practicing kissing by playing Spin the Bottle. Unfortunately, the bottle spun out the airlock. With no forces to stop the spinning, they'll never kiss. The moment is ruined when Tom punctuates it with a Laugh-In music cue.
    • Closing: Mega-Synthia enjoys revenge ghosts. Meanwhile, GPC has found that switching to Tom as a lunchtime companion involves listening to him droning on about Sid Meier's Civilization. Mega-Synthia can't comprehend why she doesn't use her superior size to clobber him.
  • Episode #912 - The Screaming Skull
    • Guest: Jonah Heston
    • Opening: Synthia asks Jonah why he doesn't have a crumbling Gothic mansion. Aside from being trapped in space, the current housing market makes it near impossible for someone in his age bracket to own such a structure and must be satisfied with living in an eerie Gothic apartment.
    • Madvertisement: Jonah informs the Bots that because Joey Drew Studios enjoyed their last Bendy commercial so highly, they would be receiving free Bendy merchandise. Tom insists that the correct term for licensed merchandise given out for free is swag. Jonah concurs, recalling the time a Red Hot Chili Peppers roadie offered him some excess t-shirts. Meanwhile, Crow continues his avaricious gloating over the licensed goodies coming his way.
    • Host Segment: Jonah and the Bots are checking out the latest Alternative Weekly and having fun reading the Misconnection ads. They come across one written by Crow that is directed to Tom, as well as one written by GPC directed to Cambot. It's eventually revealed that the whole thing is a prank on Jonah.
    • Closing: Synthia thought the titular skull was genuinely creepy. Jonah obsesses on the current market value of the Screaming Skull House, though he wonders if he could have put a down payment on a disquieting Gothic home if he had just put in the effort to save up.
  • Episode #908 - The Touch of Satan
    • Guest: Crow T. Robot
    • Opening: Pearl asks Crow which sense he'd like for her to eliminate from him first but has already decided on hearing. Crow is unsettled by the sudden loss of his hearing and wonders if anyone can hear him. Pearl finds this hilarious.
    • Madvertisement: Jonah is the GM for a session of They Came from Beneath the Sea. Tom believes the creature they face should be a 90-foot-tall Dolemite.
    • Host Segment: Crow and Tom are rehearsing their update of Romeo and Juliet. They tell Jonah that they're planning to cast him as Romeo and that he needs to practice for the rave dance-off scene. To encourage method acting, they'll also be using real poison.
    • Closing: Pearl would give her soul to Satan just to mess with Crow, assuming she had one. Crow's continued deafness causes him to have a mental breakdown, which delights Pearl.

Unused Vault Picks[]

These opening and closing segments were produced, but never aired in conjunction with their various episodes. There do not appear to be any host segments to go along with them.

"Good vs. Evil"[]

"Dystopian Future"[]

The Lost Vault Picks[]

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