"The Canada Song" (also known as "I Wish I Was Back in Old Canada") is a song performed by Tom Servo, Mike Nelson and Crow T. Robot during Experiment #910.
Set-up[]
Mike Nelson: And then the drunk guy says "I can't help being an idiot, I'm Canadian."
Crow T. Robot: You're right. They're so pathetic, Mike.
[Tom Servo enters, dressed as a Mountie.]
Tom Servo: Enough! There's been too much Canada bashing for far too long. I say "no more."
Mike Nelson: Don't you mean "No more, eh?"
Crow T. Robot: Good one, man! They are so stupid!
Tom Servo: Stop it, now. Instead, let us offer our northern brothers and sisters this song of tribute.
Lyrics[]
TOM
Oh, I wish I was back in old Canada
A land which I never shall lampoon
How I pine for the ice covering Lake Manitoba
And the beauty that is Saskatoon (Mike: I've got one.)
MIKE
Oh, I wish I was stuck in the hills of Alberta
Drinking beer with some big dumb guy trapping fur
As he scraped and he chiseled all the moose dung off his boots
I would learn that he's the Prime Minister (Tom Servo: Oh, stop that!)
CROW
Oh, I wish I was in the land that gave us Peter Jennings
Alanis Morissette, Mike Myers, too (Tom Servo: Yeah!)
No, I take that back I wouldn't go there even if you paid me
Oh, Canada, you are a place I must eschew!
Tom Servo: Now, this is not in the spirit I intended!
Mike Nelson: Oh, come on, give in! I mean, after all, they gave us Ed the Sock, and Rush!
Crow T. Robot: Yeah, what are you defending? They're such feebs!
Tom Servo: Okay, I'll try!
Mike Nelson: All right! Good man!
Servo:
Oh, I wish I was blowing up Prince Edward Island
And going on to bomb Ontario
The destruction of Canada and all of its culture
Is by far my fav-o-rite scenario
Mike Nelson: Okay, well that's a little strong....
Tom Servo: No, no, you were right Mike, this is much more fun!
SERVO
Just where the hell does Canada get off sharing a border
With countries far superior to it? (Crow: Yikes!)
Why, you lousy, stinking, francophonic, bacon-loving bastards
Your country's just a giant piece of sh--
Mike & Crow: Whoa! Okay! Whoa! (& etc.)
Tom Servo: (sobbing) Sorry! I have no sense of proportion! I'm a disgrace to my uniform!
Mike Nelson: No, that's...that's ok. Now, calm down, now. Mustn't hate, mustn't hate...
Crow T. Robot: At least so overtly.
Mike Nelson: Exactly. Right. Must disguise our hate. Just a little. We'll be right back. Shhhh, shhh. It's okay now, Dudley. Calm down...calm down.
Tom Servo: (sobbing) Pardonnez-moi...pardonnez-moi...
Credits[]
- Music and lyrics by Bill Corbett and Michael J. Nelson
- Performed by Kevin Murphy, Michael J. Nelson and Bill Corbett