The Funky Seventies (aka the Seventies Song) was a song featured in the episode Riding with Death (8.15), sung and written by Tom Servo. Also sometimes referred to "The Funky 70s and 50s".

To celebrate the movie's being made in the 1970's, Tom - dressed in a white wig and disco suit - decides to write a song in celebration of "my favorite decade" - the 70s. The song begins with a funky disco tune, but Mike and Crow soon realize something's wrong when Servo begins singing about the eruption of Mount Vesuvius, the construction of the Colosseum, Emperor Titus, and the reform of the Egyptian Calendar. Tom seems not to realize that when Mike and Crow referred to the 70s, they meant the 1970's, causing Tom to become angry with the (in his opinion) ridiculous short hand. He begins singing a mellow 50s song to calm down, but this song is just as dated, referring to Emperor Claudius and the Apostle Paul. Servo is again interrupted and this time explodes in anger, calling the audience "ninnies, feebs, and morons - all of you!"


Crow: Heh heh. A song about the 70s, huh? Groovy!

Tom: Yeah, it's always been my favorite decade.

Mike: Cool! Rock it, you turkey!

Crow and Tom: All right.

Crow: Yeah

Tom: (singing) Back in the funky 70s—ow!

the party didn't ever stop—ow!

The city of Pompeii was doing all right

but Vesuvius blew her top.

Crow: (spoken, baffled) Huh?

Tom: (still singing) Wowow! Back in the super bad 70s

the Roman Empire still reigned supreme.

Emperor Titus came to power

and he finished up the Colosseum.

Mike: (catching on, stopping him) Tom...Tom.

Tom: (still trying to sing) Wowow!

Crow: Uh, Servo?

Tom: (still trying) Back in the funkadelic...

Mike: (unplugs Servo) Tom, can I just unplug you here?

(music cuts out)

Tom: (still going) ..70s, the Egyptian week was...(spoken) the Egyptian week was...Who turned off my wall of sound?

Mike: Well, that was me actually. I think we had a little miscommunication here.

Tom: You said you wanted to hear my song about the 70s.

Crow: Well, we thought you meant the 1970's! You know, the decade of today's movie?

Tom: Well that's absurd. I distinctly heard the 70s, period.

Mike: Yeah, but you know, usually when people say the 70s, they don't me 70 A.D. to 79 A.D., they mean the 1970s.

Crow: The 1970s!

Tom: Well, how can people just assume that? I mean, why don't they just get off their lazy butts and say "1970s"? I mean, I don't know shinola about the stupid 1970's. Dumb stupid era.

Mike: It's just a kind of short hand, I can't explain it. Why don't you just play one of your other songs?

Tom: Oh, all right. (music comes in again) Here's a little song I penned about the 50s.

(singing in falsetto) Do you remember the 50s,

when Emperor Claudius died? (Mike and Crow do a slow burn)

The apostle Paul traveled to Greece and....

Crow: Uh, Servo? (Servo stops)

Tom: (spoken) Oh no, not again.

Crow: Yep.

Mike: Yeah, I'm afraid so.

Tom: (angry) What is wrong with people? How can they be so sloppy? I mean, why don't we just throw out the damn, stupid calendar If no one's going to use it? I mean geez, a bunch of ninies and feebs. (to Cambot) Morons, morons, all of you, man!

Mike: We'll be right back. I can't explain it, it's just the way people talk. (cut to commercial sign)

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Series "MST3K Love Theme" • "Mighty Science Theater"
Season K "O Tannenbot" • "Theme to Fugitive Alien" • "Has-Been Actors" • Joel's military cadence
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Season 7 "Phones"
Season 8 "The Gods Jam" • "The Funky Seventies" • "Sodium!" • "Loving Lovers Love" • "Satellite Hootenanny" • "Digger Smolkin Medley" • "When I Held Your Brain in My Arms"
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Collections Clowns in the SkyClowns in the Sky IIClowns in the Sky I & IIMystery Science Theater 3000: The Return (Music from the Netflix Original Series)Songs in the Key of MSTThe New Themes of MST3KThe Complete Clowns in the Sky