Mike, Gypsy and Tom are looking forward to landing on Earth. However, Crow is frightened at the prospect of life outside the Satellite of Love, and in his fear wedged himself under the desk. However, to calm him down, Mike wrote the following song about the wonders of Earth:
Mike: I know it's hard to leave
This little satellite of ours
We've had some fine adventures
We've danced among the stars
Gypsy: [spoken] We did?
Mike: And though we're far-out space nuts
No matter where I roam
There's just no other planet
Like the planet I call home
Servo: [spoken] Wisconsin?
Mike: [spoken] No... actually, I was thinking—To Earth!
The very birthplace of my birth
The though of Earth fills me with mirth
Servo: Hey, maybe we'll meet Colin Firth!
Mike: That is a possibility.
The blossoms on an apple tree
Gypsy: To wander barefoot by the sea
Servo: And slice your heel upon a broken bottle of Lipton iced tea!
Mike: [spoken] Come on, clam it, shorty. You're not helping.
Crow: The earth's a big and scary place
With wars and crime and death
Servo: [spoken] It is?
Crow: They listen to Shawn Mullins
And Alanis Morissette
Servo: [spoken] Oh, no!
Crow: This satellite has been my home
I've never known another
Where will I live, what will I do,
And can I keep my mother?
Mike: [spoken] Absolutely.
(Mike produces Crow's mother from under the desk—a popcorn popper with a drawn-on face attached to a wire trash basket.)
Crow: [spoken] Mom!
Then it's to earth we'll go to stay.
Gypsy: Through sylvan glens we'll romp and play!
Servo: But what if I get eaten
By a dog, or by a mantaray?
Crow, Mike, and Gypsy: Let's go
Servo: But there's so much that we don't know
Crow, Mike, and Gypsy: We're Gypsy, Servo, Mike, and Crow!
Servo: I'm scared of water buffalo!
Crow, Mike, Gypsy: Exotic lands we'll come to know
Servo: We'll all get mobbed in Chicago
Crow, Mike, Gypsy: We'll bid this satellite farewell
And then we'll go to Earth
Servo: Well, now I think I'd rather stay
Crow, Mike, Gypsy: To Earth!
Servo: I wish to hell you wouldn't say...
Crow, Mike, Gypsy, Servo: To Earth!
The song succeeds in its intended purpose, and Crow is now thrilled to be venturing to Earth. However, Servo is now frightened by the prospect of Earth, and wedges himself under the desk in fear. Mike laments that he will have to write another song.