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Who Will I Kill?, also known as Whom Shall I Kill? is a song from the episode Samson vs. the Vampire Women. This is sung by Dr. Forrester after he discovers that Frank is gone.

Lyrics

[On the Satellite: Mike, Tom, and Crow standing around. Light flashes.]


MIKE: Uh, oh. Uh, that's got to be Forrester.


[Deep 13: Forrester is obviously distraught]


DR. FORRESTER: Oh, Mike. I can't find Frank anywhere. He never stays out this late, what with his fear of halogen. I've checked everywhere: The DQ, the sewage treatment plant, all his usual hangouts. Nothing! I'm just terribly afraid that he's gone and he's never coming back. And if I cared one iota, it would be devastating. If I cared....


MIKE: Oh, boy, the boss is always the last to know, huh? Well, you see Sir, our time here on Earth is but a passing thing--


CROW: He was assumed by the angel Torgo in a glorious coronation!


TOM: Well, it was kind of a cosmic Torgo. You see, his mission as a second banana was ah, uh, and you were kind of mean, so they, uh....


MIKE: Well, there was a fortune which foretold something about something, and then, well, Gabby Hayes is heavily involved.


CROW: Anyway, he's not comin' back.


MIKE: Sorry!


DR. FORRESTER: Wait, I can't imagine. I shan't! Because it isn't true! But it is. Oh, this sucks! [piano music starts] Who will be my guinea pig for my gene splicing? My fingernail transplants? My fajita? Who will I blame my mistakes on? Who will I -- who will I kill?


I've destroyed and I've maimed and I've kicked him.

Now I'm a bully with no victim.

No adrenaline thrill,

No screams that are shrill,

Who, who will I kill?


I've crushed his head a few times,

Memories like nursery rhymes.

No one dies like my TV's Frank.

No sweet blood to distill,

No cute tummy to drill,

Who, who will I kill?


When I look upon

The first evening star,

I remember when I hooked his liver

To the engine of my car.


I could pickle my Aunt Lil,

Give my dog a cyanide pill,

But what Frank-shaped void

Could they possibly fill?


Here's my money, you can bank it,

I'm no good without my Frank. It

Seems he could die

Without batting an eye.


Now it seems

I must take

My own bitter pill.

Tell me who, who will I kill?


[spoken, as music ends] Goodbye Frank! And remember, wherever you are, I WILL KILL YOU!


[Back on the Satellite:]


TOM: Huh...


MIKE: In a sick way, I feel touched.


CROW & TOM: [mumbled] Yeah...


MIKE: We'll be right back.



Songs
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Series "MST3K Love Theme" • "Mighty Science Theater"
Season K "O Tannenbot" • "Theme to Fugitive Alien" • "Has-Been Actors" • Joel's military cadence
Season 1 "Beverly Hillbillies Parody" • "Clay & Lar's Flesh Barn" • "Commando Cody Song" • "I'm a Hu-Man"
Season 2 "Sidehackin'" • "Only Love Pads the Film" • "My Creepy Girl" • "Wild Rebels Cereal" • "If Chauffeurs Ruled the World" • "Joey the Lemur" • "The Jet Jaguar Song" • "Godzilla Genealogy Bop"
Season 3 "Tibby, Oh Tibby" • "Idiot Control" • "Music from Some Guys in Space" • "A Clown in the Sky" • "Hike Your Pants Up" • "Celebrity Siblings" • "The Gamera Song" • "Annoying Cornjob Song" • "Slow the Plot Down" • "The Plate Spinning Song" • "The Waffle Song" • "Fugitive Alien Medley" • "Sandy Frank Song" • "(Let's Have) A Patrick Swayze Christmas" • "Master Ninja Theme Song"
Season 4 "City Rap" • "Oh, Kim Cattrall" • "A Danger to Myself and Others" • "Killer Shrew" • "Tribute to Pants" • "Satellite of Love Marching Song" • "Ode on Estelle" • "Gypsy Moons" • "Hired!" • "The Many Tunes of Gamera" • "Gypsy Rose Me" • "Happy Thoughts"
Season 5 "What a Pleasant Journey" • "The Janitor Song" • "My Wild Irish Ireland" • "Tubular Boobular Joy" • "Whispering Christmas Warrior" • "Merry Christmas...If That's Okay" • "Mystos" • "Girl in Lovers Lane Theme" • "The Greatest Frank of All"
Season 6 "Cosmic Freight Train" • "Livin' in Deep 13" • "United Servo Academy Men's Chorus Hymn" • "The Poopy Suit Anthem" • "Supercalafragalisticexpiala-wacky!" • "Bouncy Upbeat Song" • "Nummy Muffin Coocol Butter" • "Who Will I Kill?"
Season 7 "Phones"
Season 8 "The Gods Jam" • "The Funky Seventies" • "Sodium!" • "Loving Lovers Love" • "Satellite Hootenanny" • "Digger Smolkin Medley" • "When I Held Your Brain in My Arms"
Season 9 "Rowsdower Saves Us" • "Air on a Delta Knight" • "The Canada Song" • "Hobgoblins" • "Where, Oh Werewolf" • "Stay!" • " Puma Man"
Season 10 "Oh, I Am Sad" • "Bobo Creek" • "The Ballad of Goosio" • "To Earth"
Season 11 "Every Country Has a Monster" • "Our Love Is on Wings (You Can't See)" • "UFO" • "The Great Space Circus" • "Aloha" • "Moon 14 Mesozoic Ranch Dinosaur BBQ Theme" • "The Magic in You" • "Push Past the Hurting (When a Movie Hurts Too Much)
Season 12 "Get in Your Mech" • "Trippy Blob" • "Concepts!" • "Below the Dam" • "There's a Cut on My Hand and a Pain in My Heart" • "Your Horrible Show (Your Show Stinks)"
Additional "1997 Summer Blockbuster Review Theme" • "1998 Academy of Robots Choice Awards Special" • "1998 Summer Blockbuster Review Theme" • "#BringBackMST3K Theme" • "#WeBroughtBackMST3K Theme" • "Satellite of Love" • "Teen Reporter, Tom Servo"
Collections Clowns in the SkyClowns in the Sky IIClowns in the Sky I & IIMystery Science Theater 3000: The Return (Music from the Netflix Original Series)Songs in the Key of MSTThe New Themes of MST3KThe Complete Clowns in the Sky
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